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UnsplashIf you find yourself tempted to make any of these remarks about someone else’s relationship, bite your tongue. Nobody appointed you the love guru, and your unsolicited opinions can do more harm than good. Here’s a list of things you should never say, unless you want to be known as the nosy neighbor or the meddling friend.
“I give it six months, tops.”
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Don’t put an expiration date on someone else’s relationship. You’re not a carton of milk, and you don’t have the right to predict when things will go sour. Every relationship has its ups and downs, and just because you don’t see the long-term potential doesn’t mean it’s not there. Keep your pessimistic predictions to yourself and let the couple figure things out on their own timeline.
“You can do so much better.”
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This is a backhanded compliment that’s really just an insult to your friend’s partner and their judgment. Who are you to decide what’s “better” for someone else? You don’t know the full story of their relationship, and what you see on the surface might not reflect the depth of their connection. Trust that your friend knows what they want and need in a partner, and support their choices instead of undermining them.
“I never liked them anyway.”
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If your friend comes to you after a breakup, the last thing they need to hear is how you’ve been secretly hating on their ex the whole time. This is not the moment for I-told-you-so’s or gloating. Your friend is vulnerable and needs your support, not your judgment. Even if you had reservations about their partner, keep them to yourself and focus on being a good listener and a shoulder to cry on. (And hey, if you struggle with your listening skills, Harvard Business Review has some good pointers you need to read.)
“When are you going to have kids?”
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This is a loaded question that’s none of your business. You don’t know if the couple wants kids, is trying to have kids, or is struggling with infertility. Asking about their reproductive plans puts them on the spot and can be incredibly insensitive. Let them share their family goals if and when they’re ready, and don’t make assumptions about what their relationship should look like.
“Are you sure you’re ready for marriage?”
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This question implies that you doubt the couple’s decision to tie the knot. It’s a passive-aggressive way of saying, “I think you’re making a mistake.” If someone has decided to get married, trust that they’ve put thought into it and are making the choice that’s right for them. Your role is to be supportive, not to play devil’s advocate or project your own fears onto their relationship.
“I heard they cheated on their ex.”
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Gossiping about someone’s past relationships is a surefire way to stir up drama and create distrust. Even if you think you have the inside scoop, spreading rumors or bringing up old dirt is not your place. People can change, and what happened in the past might not be relevant to their current relationship. Focus on the present and let the couple navigate their own history.
“You’re too young/old for each other.”
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Age is just a number, and it’s not up to you to decide what’s an appropriate age gap for someone else’s relationship. As long as both partners are consenting adults, their age difference is their business. Don’t make assumptions about their maturity level, life goals, or compatibility based on a number. Love knows no age limits.
“You’re settling.”
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This is a patronizing thing to say to someone who is happy in their relationship. Just because their partner doesn’t check all your boxes doesn’t mean they’re settling. Everyone has different priorities and dealbreakers when it comes to love, and what might seem like a compromise to you could be a perfectly fulfilling relationship for them. Don’t project your own standards onto someone else’s love life.
“You’re too good for them.”
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This might seem like a compliment, but it’s actually an insult to your friend’s partner and their choice to be with them. It implies that their relationship is beneath them and that they could do better. But here’s the thing: your friend is an adult who can make their own decisions about who they want to be with. Trust that they know their own worth and are with someone who values them.
“I bet they’re great in bed.”
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Ew, gross. Don’t make creepy sexual comments about someone else’s partner. It’s disrespectful, inappropriate, and just plain icky. What happens behind closed doors is none of your business, and speculating about it is a surefire way to make everyone uncomfortable. Keep your mind out of the gutter and your comments above the belt.
“You’re so lucky they put up with you.”
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This is a backhanded compliment that’s really just an insult to your friend. It implies that they’re difficult, demanding, or somehow unworthy of love. Everyone deserves to be with someone who appreciates and accepts them for who they are. Don’t make your friend feel like they should be grateful for scraps of affection or put up with mistreatment.
“You wear the pants in the relationship.”
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This outdated phrase reinforces outdated gender stereotypes and implies that there’s a power imbalance in the relationship. In a healthy partnership, both people should have equal say and respect for each other’s opinions. Don’t assign roles or make assumptions about who’s in charge based on gender. Every couple has their own dynamic, and it’s not up to you to label or judge it.
“You’re just going through a phase.”
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This dismissive comment implies that the relationship is not serious or legitimate. Whether it’s a same-sex relationship, an interracial relationship, or just a pairing that defies social norms, don’t write it off as a passing fancy. People’s feelings and commitments are valid, regardless of whether they fit into your narrow definition of what a relationship should look like.
“You’re too [insert adjective] for each other.”
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Too different, too similar, too outgoing, too introverted… the list goes on. Don’t make sweeping generalizations about someone’s compatibility based on superficial traits. Relationships are complex, and what might seem like a mismatch to you could be a perfect balance for them. Let them figure out their own dynamics and appreciate their unique connection.
“I’d tap that if you don’t.”
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This is not only disrespectful to the person’s partner, but also to the person themselves. It reduces them to a sexual object and implies that you’re just waiting in the wings to swoop in. Not cool. If someone is in a relationship, respect their commitment and their partner. Don’t make suggestive comments or try to insert yourself into their love life. Stay in your lane.
