Supporting someone with mental health issues requires sensitivity and understanding. While well-intentioned, certain phrases can accidentally invalidate their experience, add to their burden, and make them feel even more isolated. Recognizing what NOT to say is just as important as knowing how to offer genuine compassion and support. Choosing your words carefully creates a safe space where they feel heard, not judged. Here are some phrases to keep out of your vocabulary.
1. “Just snap out of it!”
Telling someone to “snap out of it” dismisses the complex nature of mental illness, the Mental Health Foundation notes. Depression, anxiety, and various other mental health conditions aren’t a choice or a simple matter of willpower. This flippant attitude can make someone feel ashamed for struggling, discouraging them from seeking further help.
2. “Everyone feels [sad, anxious, stressed] sometimes.”
While everyone experiences emotional ups and downs, it’s not the same as a diagnosable mental health condition. Minimizing their experience makes them feel like they shouldn’t be struggling or seeking help, which can worsen their condition in the long term.
3. “You just need to think more positively!”
Toxic positivity ignores the complexity of mental health. It implies that if they simply tried harder or were more grateful, their problems would magically go away. This unrealistic expectation adds unnecessary guilt and shame when they’re unable to simply ‘change their mindset.
4. “But you have so much to be happy about…”
Mental illness doesn’t discriminate based on circumstances. Listing external reasons they ‘should’ be happy implies there’s no logical reason for their suffering and that they’re somehow ungrateful, adding to their self-criticism and negative thought patterns.
5. “What’s wrong with you?”
This question frames their struggle as something shameful or a character flaw in need of fixing. It reinforces negative feelings of being broken or defective. Instead of trying to diagnose them, focus on offering empathy (“That sounds really difficult, how can I support you?”)
6. “You don’t seem [depressed, anxious, etc.].”
Mental illness often has an invisible component. Just because someone manages to function day-to-day doesn’t mean they aren’t deeply struggling internally. This type of comment can lead to minimizing their experience and discouraging them from opening up.
7. “It’s all in your head.”
This dismissive statement is incredibly harmful. Mental illness affects every aspect of a person’s life: brain chemistry, thought patterns, energy levels, and the ability to perform everyday tasks. This statement dismisses the reality of their lived experience and places blame on them for not ‘trying hard enough’.
8. Offering unsolicited advice or quick fixes
When someone’s struggling, it’s tempting to try to offer solutions. However, well-meaning suggestions like “Have you tried yoga?” can make them feel like you’re not truly hearing the depths of their pain and dismiss the complexity of treatment. Instead of trying to solve the problem, focus on listening actively and validate how difficult the situation is.
9. Bringing up other people who have it “worse”
Comparing struggles only minimizes their pain. The goal isn’t to determine who has the objectively ‘worst’ situation. Focusing on others rather than validating their unique difficulties makes them feel unseen, discouraging them from confiding in you.
10. “I used to be [depressed/anxious], and I got over it.”
While sharing your own mental health journey can sometimes build connection, make sure the focus remains on them. Phrasing it in this way risks minimizing their current struggle and implies a simple, linear recovery exists for everyone.
11. “Are you taking your medication?”
Assuming their struggle arises from non-compliance with medication places the blame on them and ignores the complex nature of mental health treatment. Medications aren’t a magic solution, and many factors can influence their effectiveness. Offer support, but prying into their medical decisions crosses boundaries.
12. “This is just a phase, you’ll get over it.”
Minimizing the potential longevity and severity of a mental health condition might be done with good intentions, but it can lead to downplaying a genuine cry for help. This dismissive attitude can leave the person feeling unsupported and reluctant to open up again.
13. Using mental health disorders as adjectives or jokes.
Saying things like “I’m so OCD about organization” or “That test was bipolar” perpetuates stereotypes about mental illness and reduces real and debilitating conditions to punchlines. This flippant use of language contributes to stigma and minimizes the seriousness of these disorders.
14. “Things could be a lot worse.”
In a misguided attempt to instill gratitude, this phrase completely dismisses their current emotional pain. Their perspective, while under emotional distress, is their reality. Telling them their problems could be worse invalidates those feelings and creates a sense of shame for struggling.
15. Threatening to send them to a hospital/psychiatric ward
Using involuntary hospitalization as a scare tactic or ultimatum is manipulative and damaging. It reinforces the stigma surrounding seeking mental health treatment and can create intense fear in someone who may actually be considering reaching out for professional help.
16. “I can’t handle this anymore.”
Even if their struggles are taking a toll on you emotionally, expressing this puts the burden of managing your emotions on the person who’s already overwhelmed. Seek your own support system (trusted friend, therapist) to process your feelings. Focus on what you can give, whether that’s listening, offering practical help, or just being present.
17. Saying nothing at all
Fear of saying the wrong thing can lead to saying nothing. However, silence can feel like abandonment and further reinforce the person’s feelings of isolation. Expressing, “I don’t know exactly what to say, but I want you to know I care and I’m here” is often far more powerful than staying silent.
