Love can make you want to see the best in someone.
It can make you more forgiving, more patient, and more likely to give second (or tenth) chances. However, love should never mean abandoning your self-worth. There are some behaviours that should never be explained away, excused, or absorbed in silence—no matter how long you’ve been together or how deep your feelings go. These are the red lines that protect your peace, your safety, and your future. If any of these are happening in your relationship, they’re not just “bad days”—they’re signs that something isn’t right.
1. Being mocked or belittled
If your partner regularly puts you down, especially in front of other people, it’s not banter—it’s emotional erosion. Constant jokes at your expense inevitably destroy your confidence in the long run, and that’s not okay. Love shouldn’t come with humiliation disguised as humour. If you’re left feeling smaller after every conversation, that’s not connection. It’s control, and you don’t have to put up with it (nor should you).
2. Feeling unsafe around them
This one isn’t up for debate. If you feel physically threatened, afraid of their moods, or like you’re walking on eggshells, you need distance—immediately. No emotional payoff is worth living in fear. You deserve to feel safe in your own home, in your own body, and in your own relationship. Anything less is already too much.
3. Controlling what you wear, say, or do
Love shouldn’t come with rules about how you show up in the world. If they’re constantly criticising your choices or policing your appearance, they’re not protecting you—they’re controlling you. Real love respects autonomy. It doesn’t need to micromanage who you are to feel secure.
4. Guilt-tripping you into silence
If every time you express discomfort or boundaries, they flip the script and make you feel selfish, dramatic, or mean. In reality, you’re being manipulated. You’re allowed to speak up without being made to feel like the villain. Healthy relationships allow room for honesty without emotional backlash.
5. Refusing to apologise when they’ve clearly hurt you
None of us get it right all the time. But if your partner consistently avoids accountability or turns every conflict into your fault, it’s not just ego—it’s avoidance. Genuine love includes humility. If they can’t say “I was wrong” now and then, they’re not building trust. They’re protecting their pride at your expense.
6. Constant jealousy masked as “care”
They don’t like you texting friends, they question your every move, and they say it’s because they “just love you so much.” The thing is, love doesn’t mean possession. When jealousy starts limiting your freedom or twisting your reality, it’s no longer sweet—it’s toxic. You can be cared for without being caged.
7. Lying, even about the small stuff
If you keep catching them in lies, even little ones, it’s not about forgetfulness—it’s about patterns. Lies add up, and they slowly destroy the ground trust stands on. Truth is basic in love. Without it, you’re always wondering, always doubting, and never fully steady. That’s not a foundation—it’s quicksand.
8. Withholding affection as punishment
If they go cold when they’re annoyed with you, shut you out emotionally, or use affection like a reward—you’re being trained, not loved. That kind of emotional manipulation teaches you that love is conditional. That affection must be earned by behaving how they want. That’s not intimacy, it’s control.
9. Regularly dismissing your feelings
If you express something vulnerable, and they roll their eyes, change the subject, or say you’re “too sensitive,” you start questioning yourself instead of questioning them. Your emotions aren’t too much. They’re information. A partner who truly cares wants to understand your world, not mute it.
10. Mocking your goals or dreams
If they treat your ambitions like jokes, or subtly undermine your progress, it’s not playful—it’s belittling. A loving partner celebrates your growth, not competes with it. Whether you want to change careers, write a book, or take up kickboxing, your drive shouldn’t threaten them. If it does, ask why they need you to stay small.
11. Making you doubt your memory or instincts
When they insist things didn’t happen the way you remember, or make you feel crazy for reacting, that’s gaslighting. It’s designed to make you feel unstable, so you rely on them to define what’s real. Trust your gut. If something feels off, that feeling deserves attention, not dismissal.
12. Putting in effort only when you’re about to leave
If they only step up when they sense you’re slipping away, you’re not in a partnership—you’re on a leash. Real change shouldn’t come as a last-ditch performance. If someone has to almost lose you to appreciate you, they didn’t really value you to begin with. You’re not a backup plan. You’re the main story.
13. Treating other people better than they treat you
If they’re charming, polite, and generous to friends or strangers but short-tempered and cold with you, that’s not a mismatch, that’s a message. You deserve the same kindness they show the world. If they only act decent when there’s an audience, it’s not who they are—it’s a mask.
14. Laughing at your boundaries
When you say no to something, do they push? When you explain what bothers you, do they smirk or mock it? That’s not misunderstanding, that’s disrespect. Boundaries are there to protect your emotional health. If they keep brushing them off, they’re not loving you—they’re trying to override you.
15. Putting you down to lift themselves up
Sometimes it’s subtle—jokes about your intelligence, comments about your looks, or comparisons to their ex. As time goes on, though, it adds up. A secure person doesn’t need to chip away at your self-esteem to feel important. Love should be a mirror that reflects your strength back to you, not a magnifying glass for your flaws.
16. Dragging private issues into public spaces
Whether it’s airing your arguments in front of other people, making cutting remarks at dinner, or sharing things you told them in confidence—that kind of exposure breaks trust fast. A healthy relationship respects your dignity, even when things are rocky. If they’re using public moments to score points or humiliate you, they’re not protecting your bond; they’re exploiting it.
17. Shaming you for needing reassurance
If you ask for clarity, affection, or reassurance, and they act like you’re too needy, they’re missing the point. Everyone has different needs, and yours aren’t wrong just because they don’t match theirs. Love isn’t about needing less. It’s about being met where you are. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed for wanting to feel safe in your own relationship.
18. Using your past against you
If you’ve shared something painful or vulnerable, and they bring it up during arguments to hurt you, that’s a betrayal of trust, not just bad conflict style. Your history isn’t ammo. If they weaponise your honesty, they don’t deserve your openness. That kind of emotional cruelty leaves scars that love should never cause.
19. Keeping you guessing about where you stand
One day they’re warm and affectionate, the next cold and distant. You’re left questioning whether you did something wrong, even when nothing happened. Consistency isn’t boring—it’s safe. You shouldn’t have to decode their mood to know if you’re loved. Emotional whiplash isn’t love, it’s instability.
20. Making you feel like love has to be earned
If their affection always feels conditional—based on how much you do, say, give, or change—it’s not real intimacy. It’s performance-based approval. You don’t have to shrink, hustle, or shape-shift to be loved. The right person will meet you as you are—and still choose you, without needing to be convinced.
