If you’re someone whose emotions constantly boil over, leading to outbursts you later regret, you have to do something about it.
Losing control isn’t just uncomfortable for you to experience, it’s also not great for the people you unleash your temper-fuelled rants on when you can no longer keep it together. There are all kinds of reasons you might suffer from emotional dysregulation, but if you’re sick of it and the way it affects your relationships with everyone around you, here are some meaningful ways to start making a change.
1. Figure out what your triggers are.
Emotional outbursts are often linked to specific triggers — things that set you off and lead to intense reactions. It could be a particular situation, a phrase someone says, or even a person who tends to push your buttons. Identifying these triggers is the first step in taking back control. Once you know what gets you worked up, you can plan ahead. Awareness is key. When you recognise the things that spark those intense feelings, you can start developing strategies to handle them more calmly. It’s about preparation; understanding what causes your emotional reactions means you can respond differently next time.
2. Stop and do some deep breathing.
When your emotions are on overdrive, your body’s natural fight-or-flight response kicks in, and it can be hard to think clearly. Deep breathing is a quick, simple tool to help calm your nervous system and regain control. Focusing on slow, intentional breaths helps redirect your attention away from whatever’s stressing you out. With practice, deep breathing becomes second nature, and you can use it as a go-to method to de-escalate before things spiral out of control.
3. Take a time-out.
Sometimes, the best way to stop an outburst before it happens is by physically stepping away from the situation. It might feel like avoiding the issue, but it’s actually about giving yourself the space to cool off and think things through. Taking a time-out gives you a chance to process your emotions and figure out how to approach the situation more calmly. It’s not about ignoring the problem; it’s about dealing with it from a clearer, more measured perspective.
4. Think back on your past outbursts and figure out what was going on.
Source: Unsplash Looking back at situations where you lost control can be a real eye-opener. Take a moment to think about what happened: what led up to the outburst, how it went down, and what you might have done differently. Reflection isn’t about guilt or beating yourself up; it’s about learning. By looking at what triggered you and how things played out, you can spot patterns and adjust how you handle similar moments in the future.
5. Use a calming mantra.
Sometimes, you need something to interrupt the storm of emotions in your head. That’s where a calming mantra can help. Find a phrase that works for you — something simple like “I am in control” or “This too shall pass.” Repeating a mantra in the heat of the moment gives you a chance to reset. It helps you pause, breathe, and regain some perspective. Over time, these words can become a powerful mental anchor, helping you stay composed even when things get tough.
6. Acknowledge your feelings — they’re still valid!
Trying to bottle up your emotions often leads to bigger outbursts down the road. Instead of suppressing what you’re feeling, try to name your emotions in the moment. Whether it’s anger, frustration, sadness, or anxiety, acknowledging what’s going on inside helps you manage it. This technique, called emotional labelling, gives you a sense of control over your feelings. When you understand what’s happening emotionally, you can deal with it in a healthier way, instead of letting it build up and explode later.
7. Incorporate more mindfulness into your days.
Mindfulness is about staying present, observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. It’s one of the best ways to recognise when you’re starting to lose control. If you’ve been feeling triggered, mindfulness helps you take a step back and decide to respond differently. Daily practices like meditation or even mindful breathing can improve your emotional regulation over time. The more you practise, the easier it gets to stay calm and less reactive when stress hits.
8. Communicate your needs clearly.
A lot of emotional outbursts happen because we feel unheard or misunderstood. Learning how to express your needs and boundaries can reduce frustration and help keep things from escalating into a blow-up. It’s the oldest advice in the book, but for good reason: using “I” statements, like “I feel upset when…” or “I need some space right now,” makes it clear how you’re feeling without blaming anyone. It opens up more constructive conversations and helps people understand your emotions in a way that’s healthier for everyone.
9. Don’t bottle things up because that definitely won’t help.
Source: Unsplash It might seem like holding things in helps you avoid conflict, but it often leads to bigger explosions later on. Suppressed feelings build up and create unnecessary pressure. Instead of keeping everything to yourself, find healthy ways to express what you’re feeling. Whether it’s talking to a friend, journaling, or getting creative, letting emotions out in smaller doses makes them much easier to manage. It’s like releasing steam from a pressure cooker before it blows.
10. Stay physically active.
Physical activity is one of the most effective ways to relieve stress and release built-up tension that can trigger emotional outbursts. Exercise gets those feel-good endorphins flowing, which helps improve your mood and calm your mind. Whether it’s going for a run, doing yoga, or hitting the gym, moving your body regularly helps you handle emotional stress much better. Plus, staying active helps you build resilience, so when stress does hit, you’ve got a better toolkit to deal with it.
11. Limit your exposure to things that upset you.
Sometimes, you can’t avoid all the things that set you off, but you can manage how much you expose yourself to them. If there are certain situations, people, or environments that regularly trigger your outbursts, it’s worth considering how you can minimise your exposure to them. That doesn’t mean avoiding everything, but setting boundaries where you can. For example, if a certain topic always causes tension, redirect the conversation or take a step back when it comes up. Taking charge of your environment helps reduce unnecessary stress.
12. Try to be more grateful — weirdly, this helps.
It might seem a little disconnected from emotional outbursts, but practising gratitude can make a huge difference in your emotional state. When you focus on what you’re thankful for, it helps shift your mindset from frustration to appreciation. Make it a habit to reflect on things you’re grateful for, even if it’s just small things. Whether you write them down or just keep them in your head, it helps you focus on the positive and makes it easier to stay calm when stress hits.
13. Find a way to reduce your stress.
Chronic stress is a major contributor to emotional outbursts. If you don’t have a plan for dealing with stress, it can feel overwhelming. Having a go-to routine that includes relaxation techniques, hobbies, or self-care practices can make a big difference. Whether it’s taking a walk, listening to music, or practising a hobby, having these tools available means you can handle stress before it gets too much. The more you prioritise stress management, the more resilient you’ll become over time.
14. Work with a professional if your anger issues are out of control.
If you’ve tried managing your anger issues on your own and still find it hard to manage your outbursts, it might be time to reach out for help. A therapist or counsellor can provide you with personalised strategies to better handle your emotions. Therapy offers a safe space to explore the root causes of your emotional reactions and work through them. Getting professional support is a great step in taking charge of your emotional health and building better coping mechanisms.
15. Be proud of yourself when you make progress.
Learning to manage your emotions and avoid outbursts takes time, so it’s important to celebrate the little wins along the way. Whether you stayed calm in a stressful situation or recognised a trigger before reacting, these moments matter. Acknowledging your progress, no matter how small, helps you stay motivated. The more you celebrate your growth, the more confident you’ll feel in your ability to handle emotional challenges.
