Unfortunate Signs You’re Attracted To Narcissists (And How To Break The Cycle)

Kike Arnaiz

If you’re constantly falling for narcissists, it’s time to take a good look in the mirror.

It’s not just bad luck; there’s a pattern here, and you’re part of it. This isn’t about blaming you; it’s about empowering you to break the cycle. So, ditch the rose-coloured glasses and face the facts. Here are 16 signs you might be attracted to narcissists, along with some tough love advice on how to change your dating game.

1. You fall for the love bombing phase hard.

In the beginning, they shower you with attention, compliments, and affection. It feels like a whirlwind romance, a fairytale come true. But it’s all a facade, a manipulative tactic to hook you in. Remember, love shouldn’t feel like a sugar rush that leaves you crashing later.

2. You excuse their bad behaviour.

They might be rude, dismissive, or even cruel, but you find ways to justify their actions. You blame their stress, their past, or even yourself for their bad behaviour. It’s time to stop making excuses and acknowledge the red flags.

3. You’re drawn to their confidence (even if it’s arrogance).

Their bravado and self-assuredness can be intoxicating. You mistake their arrogance for confidence and their grandiosity for ambition. But remember, true confidence comes from within, not from belittling people or inflating one’s ego.

4. You feel the need to “fix” them.

You see their flaws and vulnerabilities, and you believe you can heal them with your love and support. You become their therapist, their cheerleader, their saviour. But you can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change, and your efforts will only drain you.

5. You ignore your gut feeling.

Deep down, you know something isn’t right. You have a nagging feeling that they’re not who they seem. But you ignore your intuition, hoping that your love will conquer all. Trust your gut; it’s often your most reliable compass.

6. You crave drama and intensity.

The ups and downs of the relationship might feel exhilarating, but it’s a rollercoaster ride to nowhere. You become addicted to the highs and lows, the make-up sex, and the promises of change. But this intensity is not sustainable, and it’s not healthy.

7. You put their needs before your own.

You constantly prioritise their needs and desires, neglecting your own happiness and well-being. You make excuses for their bad behaviour, sacrifice your own time and energy, and bend over backwards to please them. But remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and consideration.

8. You’re afraid of being alone.

serious woman with head in hands — Unsplash

The thought of being single terrifies you, so you cling to the narcissist, even if they make you miserable. You convince yourself that it’s better to be with someone, anyone, than to be alone. But being alone is better than being in a toxic relationship.

9. You have low self-esteem.

You don’t believe you deserve better. You think you’re not good enough, pretty enough, or smart enough to attract a healthy partner. You settle for crumbs of affection and validation, even if it means sacrificing your self-respect.

10. You’ve experienced childhood neglect or trauma.

Research suggests that people who’ve experienced childhood trauma or neglect are more likely to be attracted to narcissists. They might subconsciously seek out familiar patterns of behaviour or try to recreate the dynamics of their childhood relationships.

11. You’re co-dependent.

You derive your sense of self-worth from your relationships. You feel responsible for their happiness and well-being, often at the expense of your own. You have difficulty setting boundaries and saying no, even when it’s necessary.

12. You’re attracted to the “bad boy” or “bad girl” persona.

You find their rebelliousness, their aloofness, their “I don’t care” attitude appealing. You’re drawn to the excitement and danger they represent. But this bad boy/girl persona is often a mask for deep-seated insecurities and a lack of empathy.

13. You have a history of toxic relationships.

If you’ve been in multiple relationships with narcissists, it’s time to break the pattern. You might be subconsciously attracted to familiar patterns of behaviour or have a tendency to ignore red flags. It’s time to reassess your dating choices and raise your standards.

14. You’re a people pleaser.

You’re always trying to make everyone happy, even if it means sacrificing your own needs and desires. You avoid conflict and confrontation, even when it’s necessary to stand up for yourself. This people-pleasing tendency makes you a prime target for narcissists who will exploit your kindness and generosity.

15. You’re easily manipulated.

You trust easily and give people the benefit of the doubt, even when they haven’t earned it. You’re susceptible to flattery, guilt trips, and other manipulative tactics. Narcissists prey on this vulnerability, using your kindness against you.