Narcissists are often very aware of how they present themselves in public, but that polished exterior can hide a much more unsettling side.
When they think no one’s paying attention to what they’re up to, the mask tends to slip. That’s when you get glimpses of the manipulation, resentment, and entitlement they usually keep tucked away. These aren’t always dramatic or even obvious behaviours, but if you spot them, they tell you everything you need to know.
1. They bad-mouth people they just praised in public.
To your face, they’ll compliment someone’s work, praise their success, or act friendly. However, the minute they think no one important is around, they’ll tear that same person down—mocking them, criticising their appearance, or questioning their intelligence. It’s not just two-faced behaviour—it’s strategic.
Narcissists often see people as tools. If praising someone helps their image, they’ll do it. But privately, they can’t stand anyone who threatens their ego. This underhanded dismantling of other people when they’re not in the room is one of the clearest signs that something darker is going on.
2. They mimic empathy without feeling it.
When no one’s watching, some narcissists rehearse empathy, copying phrases or reactions they’ve seen other people use. It’s not because they feel it. It’s because they know they should look like they do. They might practise a concerned look in the mirror or rehearse a comforting phrase before a conversation.
This isn’t self-reflection; it’s performance prep. Behind the scenes, they study how people react to warmth or vulnerability so they can fake it convincingly when it counts. It’s unsettling to realise someone’s emotional expression might be nothing more than a script.
3. They take pleasure in other people’s failures.
Even if they act supportive on the surface, a narcissist may quietly relish someone else’s setback. They might smile when they read about a friend’s breakup, or seem unusually relaxed after hearing a colleague didn’t get a promotion. They’ll never say it out loud—but the smug energy is there if you look for it.
It comes down to competition. Narcissists often see other people’s success as a threat, so failure feels like balance being restored. If they seem unusually cheerful after someone else’s bad news, it’s worth paying attention.
4. They snoop or pry into private information.
Whether it’s reading texts over your shoulder or secretly checking your social media messages, a narcissist often crosses boundaries when they think no one will catch them. Curiosity isn’t the motive, control is. They want to know everything so they can stay one step ahead.
If they find something useful or compromising, they’ll store it away like emotional ammunition. What’s unsettling is how easily they justify this kind of behaviour to themselves, as if your privacy is less important than their need to be in control.
5. They undermine people in subtle, calculated ways.
It might be a “joke” that cuts a bit too deep, or giving someone the wrong info before a meeting. When they think they can get away with it, narcissists often sabotage other people subtly—just enough to cause damage without it being traceable back to them.
In public, they’ll look helpful or charming. However, behind the scenes, they’re happy to pull strings that weaken other people’s confidence or reputation. It’s not impulsive. In fact, it’s often calculated to maintain their upper hand.
6. They take credit for things they didn’t do.
When a narcissist believes no one will fact-check them, they’ll casually take credit for other people’s ideas or work. They might talk as if they led a project when they barely contributed, or subtly rewrite the story of an event to put themselves at the centre. They rely on the fact that not everyone will challenge them, and if the real contributor doesn’t speak up, the narcissist walks away with the glory. It’s especially common in workplaces where image matters more than truth.
7. They mock people they supposedly care about.
Behind closed doors, a narcissist might mock their partner’s insecurities, mimic their friend’s speech, or laugh at someone’s vulnerability. It’s the kind of thing they’d never do in public because it would destroy their carefully curated image. These moments are usually framed as harmless fun, but there’s an edge to it—a smugness or quiet cruelty. It’s about dominance, not humour. They’re reminding themselves (and sometimes other people) that they still feel superior.
8. They treat people differently based on status.
When no one’s watching, narcissists often reveal how transactional they really are. They’ll be warm and charming with someone they see as powerful, but cold or dismissive to those they deem less important—like waitstaff, assistants, or people they don’t need anything from.
It’s got nothing to do with mood swings. It’s about hierarchy. They only respect people who serve a purpose. If you notice they suddenly switch tone when the “right” people walk in, that’s the real personality peeking through.
9. They test boundaries just to see what they can get away with.
When they think no one’s looking, narcissists might push a boundary just slightly to see if anyone notices or reacts. It could be saying something inappropriate, ignoring rules, or overstepping in a small but intentional way. That kind of behaviour often starts small but escalates over time. It’s not about fun—it’s about power. If they feel emboldened by getting away with something once, they’ll keep pushing further.
10. They lie, even when it doesn’t benefit them.
Some narcissists lie out of habit—not just to protect themselves or manipulate people, but because it gives them a sense of control. They might exaggerate details, fabricate drama, or misrepresent events just to shape the narrative in their favour. What’s unsettling is how casually they do it, especially when the lie seems unnecessary. It’s less about gain and more about keeping other people slightly off balance so they remain in control of the story.
11. They secretly compete with those close to them.
Even in close relationships, a narcissist often sees other people as rivals. They might pretend to celebrate your win, but then try to one-up you the next day. When no one’s looking, they’re measuring themselves against you constantly—trying to stay ahead in a game you didn’t even realise you were playing.
This silent competition shows up in subtle ways: backhanded compliments, passive-aggressive remarks, or exaggerated stories about their own success. It’s all about feeding their ego, even if it damages the relationship in the process.
12. They mirror other people to gain favour, then drop it.
Narcissists are often brilliant at mirroring—adopting your interests, speech patterns, or values to make you feel understood. But when they no longer need something from you, the whole act vanishes without explanation. When no one’s watching, they may even mock the very things they pretended to care about. It wasn’t about connection—it was a tactic. That sudden drop-off in interest isn’t random. It’s a sign you’ve been moved out of their priority list.
13. They gloat about things they’d never admit publicly.
In private, some narcissists reveal things they’d never say in public, like how proud they are of manipulating someone, or how little they care about someone else’s feelings. It’s not just bragging—it’s a peek behind the curtain at how they really view people. These moments often sound like dark jokes or offhand remarks, but they carry a certain edge. You can tell they mean it, and if you question it, they’ll play it off like you’re being dramatic or “can’t take a joke.”
14. They exploit kindness when it suits them.
If someone offers help or shows vulnerability, narcissists might pretend to appreciate it—but only for as long as they benefit. Behind the scenes, they may mock the person for being “too soft” or use their kindness to manipulate future situations. What’s unsettling is how they can smile to your face while secretly viewing you as weak. They don’t see emotional openness as a strength. They see it as a tool to be used or dismissed.
15. They isolate people from each other.
Narcissists often sow subtle discord between friends or family members when no one’s watching. They’ll pass along selective comments, twist someone’s words, or plant doubts to quietly turn people against each other. This keeps them at the centre of attention and control. If everyone else is slightly unsure of each other, the narcissist can manipulate each relationship more easily. The damage is quiet, but effective.
16. They rehearse how they want to be seen.
When alone, narcissists may spend time curating their public image—practising expressions in the mirror, rehearsing stories, or crafting posts that show just the right amount of “humble” success. It’s not vanity, it’s strategy. They’re deeply invested in being seen a certain way. And when no one’s around, they’re often working hard behind the scenes to maintain that illusion. The unsettling part? It works—until it doesn’t.
