Being in a relationship with a manipulative partner is soul-crushing.
It slowly erodes your self-esteem, independence, and sense of reality. These toxic partners are masters at twisting things around, gaslighting you, and playing on your deepest fears and insecurities. They chip away at your self-worth until you feel like you can’t survive without them. If you suspect your partner is manipulative, trust your gut. Look out for these 16 telltale warning signs and get out before the damage goes even deeper.
1. They lie and deny.
Source: Unsplash Manipulative partners are master liars. They lie smoothly and constantly, even about insignificant things. And when you catch them in a lie and confront them? They straight up deny it, even if you have proof. They’ll look you dead in the eye and swear on their life they’re telling the truth. It’s crazy making. They’ll make you question your own memory and perception of reality. If you’re always doubting yourself and your partner’s honesty, that’s a huge red flag.
2. Everything is your fault.
Source: Unsplash A manipulative partner never takes responsibility for anything. Everything is always your fault. They’ll twist any situation around to make you the bad guy and themselves the innocent victim. Had a fight? You provoked them. They cheated? You drove them to it by not giving them enough attention. They’ll play on your insecurities and make you believe you’re not good enough. They’re masters at deflecting blame and making you feel guilty for things that aren’t your fault.
3. They play the victim.
Source: Unsplash Manipulators love playing the victim. No matter how much they hurt you, they always find a way to make it seem like they’re the real victim. They exaggerate or fabricate stories to gain sympathy and pit people against you. They cry “poor me” to escape accountability for their actions. They use guilt and pity to keep you feeling sorry for them and catering to their needs. It’s a classic manipulative tactic to avoid responsibility and maintain control.
4. They exploit your weaknesses.
Source: Unsplash A manipulative partner zeros in on your biggest fears and insecurities and uses them against you. They pay close attention to what makes you tick and then exploit those weak spots whenever it benefits them. If you’re sensitive about your weight, they’ll make snide comments about what you eat. If you struggle with abandonment issues, they’ll flirt with other people to keep you on your toes. They expertly push your buttons to get what they want.
5. You’re always walking on eggshells.
Source: Unsplash You never know which version of your partner you’re going to get. Will they be in a good mood, or will they explode at you over something small? You feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, monitoring your words and behaviours to avoid triggering them. Your anxiety is through the roof, and you’ve lost your sense of safety and stability in the relationship. When you’re more focused on not making them angry than being yourself, that’s unsustainable.
6. They use your love against you.
Source: Unsplash A manipulator will weaponize your own love and devotion. They know you’ll put up with more because you care about them. So they’ll push your limits and take advantage of your feelings. If you call them out or try to set a boundary, they’ll accuse you of not loving them enough or threaten to break up with you. They play on your worst fear of losing them to keep you under their thumb. Your love becomes a tool for their control.
7. They isolate you.
Source: Unsplash Manipulative partners often try to distance you from your friends and family, who might see through their act. They make snide comments about your loved ones, discourage you from seeing them, and consume all your free time. Soon you’ve lost touch with your support system, and they’ve become your whole world. This unhealthy isolation makes it easier for them to control and mistreat you. If your world has narrowed down to them, that’s a red flag.
8. They use aggression and threats.
Source: Unsplash While manipulators are often more covert and subtle, some do escalate to overt aggression. They may raise their voice, stand over you menacingly, punch walls, break things, or “jokingly” threaten you to intimidate you into compliance. Even if they never lay a finger on you, these scare tactics create a climate of fear that makes you think twice before defying them. No one should have to endure threats or destruction to feel safe in their relationship.
9. They’re hyper-jealous and controlling.
Source: Unsplash A hallmark of a manipulative partner is intense jealousy and controlling behaviour. They constantly check up on you, grill you about where you’ve been and who you’ve seen, snoop through your phone, and make you “check in” at all times. They hate when you do anything without them and resent your relationships with other people. They treat you like a possession they need to monitor and control, not an individual with autonomy. That level of distrust and jealousy is toxic.
10. They try to change you.
Source: Unsplash Manipulative partners often subtly or overtly try to change you. They chip away at your confidence and make you feel like you need to be a different person to keep them happy and interested. They make “suggestions” about your appearance, career, interests, and hobbies that mould you into who they want you to be. A healthy partner loves you as you are. A manipulator sees you as a project they can customise to their liking.
11. They do things you’re not okay with.
Source: Unsplash Manipulators often have an elastic relationship with boundaries. They repeatedly pressure you to do things you’ve said you’re not comfortable with, sexually, financially, or otherwise. They’re always “joking” that you should dye your hair that colour they like or get a tattoo of their name. They “borrow” your money without asking and don’t repay it. They’re slowly testing and expanding your limits, seeing how much they can get away with. That’s a slippery slope.
12. They stonewall and withdraw affection.
Source: Unsplash When a manipulative partner doesn’t get their way, they’re quick to ice you out to punish you. The silent treatment is one of their favourite weapons. They’ll refuse to talk to you, ignore your texts and calls, and withhold affection until you cave to whatever they want. This hot and cold treatment keeps you desperate for their approval and willing to do anything to get back in their good graces. But you shouldn’t have to earn basic affection.
13. Nothing is ever enough.
No matter how much you sacrifice, compromise, and cater to a manipulative partner, it’s never enough. The more you do for them, the more they demand of you. You bend over backwards, exhaust yourself trying to please them, but there’s always something else you could be doing better. They keep raising the bar because what they really want is control, not partnership. Don’t fall into the trap of trying to measure up to impossible, ever-shifting standards.
14. They violate your privacy.
Manipulators often have little respect for privacy. They think what’s yours is theirs. They help themselves to your phone, laptop, social media accounts, and banking info without permission. They eavesdrop on your conversations, read your texts and emails, and go through your personal belongings. This isn’t innocent curiosity; it’s about surveillance and collecting information they may later use against you. Healthy love is built on trust and respect for individual privacy.
15. They dismiss your feelings.
When you express hurt over their behaviour, a manipulator dismisses and minimises your feelings. They gaslight you by saying things like “You’re too sensitive,” “You’re crazy, that never happened,” or “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.” Their apologies, if you get one at all, are shallow and shift blame back to you: “I’m sorry you feel that way.” They care more about being right than your feelings. Your emotions are never valid to them.
16. Your gut is telling you something is wrong.
Deep down, you know something is off about this relationship. You have a persistent uneasy feeling in your gut. You make excuses to yourself and other people about their behaviour, but you can’t shake the dread and anxiety. You feel like you’re slowly losing yourself and becoming a shell of who you used to be. Trust that instinct. Your body is trying to alert you to danger. Don’t gaslight yourself by minimising your own intuition. Get help and get out.
