Success is always worth celebrating, but when there’s a narcissist in your life, there will always be a sour note to anything you achieve.
That’s because narcissists can’t handle good things happening to other people. Their egos are so fragile and their insecurities so crippling that anyone else’s accomplishments are a threat to their sense of superiority. While you shouldn’t let this get you down or keep you from being proud of yourself, you do need to be prepared for these things happening once they hear your good news.
1. They downplay your achievements.
Instead of being happy for you and celebrating what you’ve achieved, they might shrug it off or make dismissive comments like, “It’s not that big of a deal.” By minimising your accomplishments, they try to diminish their significance and keep the spotlight on themselves. Their dismissal can make you question the value of your hard work.
2. They shift the conversation back to themselves.
No matter how exciting your news is, a narcissist will quickly pivot the conversation to their own experiences or achievements. They can’t stand the focus being on anyone else for too long. They do this because they need to remain the centre of attention at all times.
3. They criticise your success.
A narcissist might find flaws in your achievement, pointing out what you could’ve done better or suggesting it’s not as impressive as you think. Criticism is their way of undermining your confidence and keeping you from feeling proud. Their negativity often masks their own insecurity.
4. They compete with you.
Instead of celebrating alongside you, they might respond by trying to one-up you. Whether it’s a work achievement or a personal milestone, they’ll find a way to make their own accomplishments seem more important. Their competitive nature comes from their need to maintain superiority.
5. They make passive-aggressive comments.
Rather than offering genuine congratulations, they might make snide remarks or backhanded compliments like, “Must be nice to get lucky.” These comments are designed to take the shine off your success. Their subtle digs reveal their discomfort with your achievements.
6. They withdraw or sulk.
If they can’t handle your success, they might pull away emotionally or physically, acting distant or moody. Such sulking behaviour is a way to punish you for outshining them. Their withdrawal often leaves you feeling confused or guilty for simply succeeding.
7. They take credit for your success.
A narcissist might try to claim they were the reason for your achievement, saying things like, “You couldn’t have done it without me.” By inserting themselves into your success, they attempt to share the glory and maintain their inflated ego. Sadly, it’s a tactic meant to diminish your hard-earned accomplishments.
8. They bring up your past failures.
To counteract your current success, they might dredge up times when you didn’t succeed, reminding you of your mistakes. It’s meant to keep you grounded—or, more accurately, to keep you doubting yourself. They focus on your failures to keep you from feeling too confident or accomplished.
9. They exaggerate their own accomplishments.
In response to your success, they might start boasting about their own achievements, whether real or exaggerated. This is their way of reclaiming the spotlight and ensuring the attention doesn’t stay on you for too long. The goal is to overshadow your moment of triumph.
10. They try to sabotage you.
If they feel especially threatened, they might actively work to undermine your success. This could involve spreading rumours, withholding support, or subtly discouraging you from pursuing your goals. Their sabotage is a reflection of their own insecurity and inability to handle being outshone.
11. They compare you to other people.
Source: Unsplash A narcissist might try to diminish your success by comparing you unfavourably to someone else. For instance, they might say, “Well, so-and-so did something even more impressive.” These comparisons are meant to make you feel inadequate, even in your moment of success.
12. They act overly supportive in public but resentful in private.
Source: Unsplash In front of other people, they might appear to cheer you on, but behind closed doors, their behaviour shifts. They might make critical comments or show passive-aggressive behaviour, revealing their true feelings about your achievements. This duality is a way to maintain appearances while still expressing their discomfort.
13. They accuse you of “showing off.”
Source: Unsplash If you talk about your success, they might accuse you of bragging or trying to make everyone feel bad. They hope that it will silence you and make you feel guilty for being proud of your accomplishments. Their accusation often stems from their own jealousy and insecurity.
14. They demand attention for their own struggles.
Source: Unsplash Instead of celebrating your success, they might shift the focus to their own problems, saying things like, “You have no idea how hard things are for me right now.” By highlighting their own challenges, they attempt to steal attention and make you feel bad for celebrating.
15. They dismiss your feelings about their behaviour.
Source: Unsplash If you confront them about their lack of support, they might dismiss your concerns, saying things like, “You’re overreacting,” or, “I’m happy for you; you’re just imagining things.” Their deflection is designed to invalidate your feelings and shift the blame onto you. Their dismissal reinforces their unwillingness to acknowledge their jealousy or insecurity.
