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Getty Images/iStockphotoNarcissists are masters of reality distortion.
They twist facts, manipulate emotions, and rewrite history to suit their needs. If you’re dealing with a narcissist, you need to understand their tactics. Here are 17 ways narcissists warp reality, giving you the knowledge to protect yourself and maintain your sanity.
1. They develop selective memory syndrome.
Narcissists conveniently forget anything that doesn’t align with their narrative. They’ll swear up and down that certain events never happened, especially if those events paint them in a negative light. This selective amnesia allows them to maintain their perfect self-image while gaslighting you into doubting your own memories. Don’t fall for it – trust your recollection and keep records if necessary.
2. They use the blame boomerang.
When confronted with their mistakes, narcissists have an uncanny ability to flip the script. Suddenly, you’re the one at fault for their actions. They’ll accuse you of being oversensitive, misunderstanding them, or provoking their behaviour. This tactic shifts responsibility away from them and leaves you feeling confused and guilty. Remember: their actions are their own, regardless of how they try to spin it.
3. They engage in emotional hijacking.
Narcissists are experts at manipulating emotions to control situations. They’ll provoke intense reactions – anger, fear, guilt, or shame – to throw you off balance. Once you’re emotionally compromised, they can more easily manipulate you. They might use fake tears to garner sympathy or explosive anger to intimidate you into compliance. Stay grounded and don’t let their emotional rollercoaster derail your thinking.
4. They become the revisionist historian.
Past events are never set in stone for a narcissist. They’ll rewrite history to suit their current needs, often contradicting themselves in the process. They might claim they never said something you clearly remember, or insist that past events unfolded differently. This constant revision of reality can make you question your sanity. Stick to the facts and trust your own experiences.
5. They cherry-pick information.
Narcissists are masters at presenting partial truths. They’ll carefully select bits of information that support their narrative, while conveniently omitting anything that contradicts it. This creates a skewed version of reality that’s hard to argue against without the full context. Always be wary of the information they’re not sharing and look for the complete picture.
6. They play the comparison game.
Narcissists love to use comparisons to manipulate your perception. They’ll constantly measure you against other people, always finding you lacking. This tactic is designed to keep you insecure and striving for their approval. They might also compare themselves in a positive way to other people, exaggerating their own qualities. Don’t buy into these comparisons – they’re artificial and designed to control you.
7. They engage in reality reframing.
Narcissists have a talent for putting a positive spin on their negative behaviours. They’ll reframe their actions in a way that makes them seem noble or justified. Controlling behaviour becomes “protecting you,” while their unfaithfulness is recast as “exploring their options.” This reframing makes it difficult to confront their behaviour directly. Stay focused on their actions, not their explanations.
