If your child has come out to you as LGBTQIA+, congratulations. You’ve raised a brave and authentic human being. Now it’s your job to create a home environment where they can thrive. Here are some ways ways to make your home a safe haven for your LGBTQIA+ child.
Educate yourself.
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Don’t rely on your child to be your personal Wikipedia for all things LGBTQIA+. Take the initiative to learn about the community, the terminology, and the issues they face. Read books, watch documentaries, and follow LGBTQIA+ voices on social media. The more you know, the better equipped you’ll be to support your child and advocate for their rights. The American Library Association (ALA) provides some great resources for parents in this area.
Believe them.
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When your child comes out to you, believe them. Don’t dismiss it as a phase or try to convince them otherwise. They’ve likely spent a lot of time and energy coming to terms with their identity, and they need you to trust and validate their experience. If you have questions, ask them respectfully and with an open mind.
Use their correct name and pronouns.
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As Medical News Today explains, using the correct pronouns is the first step towards inclusivity and making the LGBTQIA+ person in your life feel understood and accepted. If your child has chosen a new name or pronouns, use them consistently and without hesitation. It might take some getting used to, but it’s a crucial way to show your respect and support. Practice on your own if you need to, but make the effort to get it right. And if you slip up, apologize sincerely and move on.
Stand up for them.
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Your child needs to know that you have their back, no matter what. If they face discrimination, bullying, or harassment, be their fiercest advocate. Don’t let anyone, including family members, speak badly about your child or their identity in your presence. Make it clear that you will not tolerate any form of hate or bigotry directed towards your child.
Celebrate their identity.
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Being LGBTQIA+ isn’t something to be ashamed of or hidden away. Celebrate your child’s identity and the diversity of the LGBTQIA+ community. Attend Pride events together, display rainbow flags or other symbols of support in your home, and let your child know that you’re proud of who they are.
Give them privacy.
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Just because your child is out to you doesn’t mean they’re ready to be out to the world. Respect their privacy and let them choose who they share their identity with and when. Don’t out them to others without their explicit consent, even if you think it’s harmless. Coming out is a deeply personal process, and your child needs to be in control of their own story.
Provide access to LGBTQIA+ resources.
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Make sure your child has access to age-appropriate resources and support systems. This could include LGBTQIA+ youth groups, mental health professionals who specialize in working with LGBTQIA+ clients, and online communities where they can connect with peers. Having a strong support network outside of the family can be incredibly valuable for your child’s well-being. The Trevor Project has some great information for kids and is a good place to start.
Be mindful of media consumption.
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Pay attention to the media your child consumes and the messages it sends about LGBTQIA+ identities. Seek out books, movies, TV shows, and other media that feature positive and diverse LGBTQIA+ representation. Avoid media that perpetuates harmful stereotypes or portrays LGBTQIA+ people in a negative light.
Have open and honest conversations.
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Create an environment where your child feels comfortable talking to you about anything, including their identity and experiences as an LGBTQIA+ person. Be open to having honest and sometimes difficult conversations about things like relationships, sex, and discrimination. Let your child know that you’re always available to listen without judgment.
Don’t make assumptions.
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Don’t assume you know everything about your child’s identity or experience just because they’ve come out to you. Every LGBTQIA+ person is unique, and their journey is their own. Be open to learning from your child and letting them take the lead in defining who they are and what they need from you.
Be an ally in your community.
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Being a supportive parent means being an ally not just at home, but in your wider community as well. Speak out against LGBTQIA+ discrimination and advocate for inclusive policies at your child’s school, your workplace, and in your local government. Use your privilege and platform to amplify LGBTQIA+ voices and create positive change.
Take care of yourself.
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Parenting an LGBTQIA+ child can come with its own unique challenges and emotions. Make sure you’re taking care of your own mental health and seeking support when you need it. Join a support group for parents of LGBTQIA+ kids, or seek out individual therapy to process your feelings and experiences. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Love them unconditionally.
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At the end of the day, the most important thing you can do for your LGBTQIA+ child is to love them unconditionally. Let them know that your love for them is not contingent on their identity or any other aspect of who they are. Celebrate their authentic self and let them know that you’ll always be their biggest champion.
