Whether it’s your office gossip-monger or your know-it-all family member, tolerating people you seriously can’t stand can feel like ripping out your own teeth. But before you plot their social demise, here are 16 battle-tested strategies to help you navigate these trying relationships.
1. Accept the awkwardness rather than trying to fight it.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, forced interaction is unavoidable, VICE acknowledges. Weddings, family gatherings, work events – you get the picture. Trying to erase the awkwardness only makes it worse. Instead, accept that things might be a little uncomfortable, and focus on getting through the event with minimal emotional damage.
2. Get better at small talk.
Source: Pexels You don’t have to become BFFs, but basic conversation skills can save you. Prepare a few neutral topics beforehand: weather, current events, pets, anything that doesn’t delve into personal opinions or risk igniting a debate. Remember, the goal is a brief, non-confrontational exchange, not a deep dive into their personal life.
3. Use your body language to your advantage.
Source: Unsplash Use non-verbal cues to politely manage the situation. Crossed arms can signal disinterest, while leaning in shows you’re engaged (even if you’re strategically planning your escape). Angle your body away slightly when you feel the conversation dragging, and use natural breaks to excuse yourself to refresh a drink or greet another guest.
4. Find the people you actually like.
Source: Unsplash Surround yourself with positive people who lift you up, not drag you down. Spending time with those who share your values and humour can help replenish your emotional reserves before your next encounter with Mr./Ms. Annoying. These uplifting relationships will remind you that not everyone grinds your gears, and that you deserve genuine connection.
5. Become a selective social butterfly.
Source: Unsplash Expand your social circle! The more positive connections you have, the less reliant you are on tolerating the people you dislike. Explore new hobbies or join a club to meet people who share your interests. This doesn’t mean ditching existing friends, but rather diversifying your social life for added support and greater positivity.
6. Remind yourself that it’s not a permanent thing.
Source: Unsplash Trick yourself into toleration. Tell yourself you only have to endure them for a specific timeframe – two hours at the party, one work meeting, etc. Set a mental timer and focus on the finish line. Breaking down the interaction into manageable chunks makes it feel less daunting.
7. Hit up your headphone sanctuary.
Source: Unsplash If appropriate, technology is your friend. Noise-canceling headphones are a lifesaver in crowded situations. Pop them on, pretend you’re engrossed in a podcast, and enjoy a little mental escape from the conversation. Just make sure the situation warrants it—you don’t want to cause offence at a formal event.
8. Stay busy.
Source: Unsplash Need a polite exit strategy? Invent one! Feign a sudden to-do list emergency (e.g., “Oh no, I forgot I have to call the plumber!”). It might feel like a white lie, but it’s a socially acceptable way to gracefully excuse yourself, especially from a conversation that feels draining or unproductive.
9. Try the gray rocking method.
Source: Unsplash This isn’t about being rude, it’s about emotional self-preservation, especially if you’re dealing with a narcissist. Offer minimal responses with neutral facial expressions. One-word answers and closed-off body language discourage them from escalating the conversation unnecessarily. Think of it as becoming an uninteresting conversational target – they’ll eventually get the hint and move on.
10. Redirect and refocus.
Source: Unsplash Feeling stuck in a tedious conversation? Shift the focus to another guest or topic. “Hey, have you met John? He’s also really into [insert shared interest].” This politely redirects the conversation and gives you a chance to breathe. You can even try to find some common ground with the person you dislike, turning the interaction into a more tolerable, or even slightly positive, experience.
11. Find humour in the absurd.
Source: Pexels Sometimes, you just have to laugh. Channel your inner comedian and find the humour in their outlandish statement or annoying habit. This mental shift keeps you from taking things too seriously, and can even make the interaction more entertaining… in your own head at least!
12. Try a bit of compassionate detachment.
Source: Unsplash Remember, the way someone acts is often a reflection of their own struggles, not yours. Try to see beyond their annoying behaviour and recognize that they might be dealing with insecurities or unresolved issues. This doesn’t excuse their behaviour, but it can help you understand it, and reduce the emotional impact.
13. Focus on what you’re trying to achieve.
Source: Brooke Cagle/Unsplash What are you ultimately trying to achieve during the interaction? Are you at a work function where relationship-building is crucial? Focus on your career goals, and see these encounters as practice for dealing with difficult personalities professionally.
14. Try a bit of mindfulness.
Source: Unsplash Take a few deep breaths to centre yourself when you feel irritation rising. Focus on your physical sensations and try to calm your internal energy. This helps you stay grounded and less reactive in the moment. Mindfulness techniques can be incredibly powerful for emotional regulation.
15. Put boundaries in place and stick to them.
Source: Unsplash Determine what behaviours you won’t tolerate, and politely but firmly enforce your boundaries. If they constantly interrupt you, politely state, “Excuse me, I wasn’t finished.” This doesn’t have to be confrontational, but it reinforces that you demand basic respect.
16. Know when to walk away (or at least politely disengage).
Source: Unsplash You are not obligated to sacrifice your peace of mind for the sake of politeness. If a relationship is consistently toxic, despite your best efforts to navigate it, it’s okay to distance yourself. This might involve limiting contact, declining social invitations, or even ending the relationship altogether. Sometimes, protecting your mental and emotional health means saying goodbye to people who no longer serve you. This can feel difficult, even painful, but remember – you deserve to be surrounded by people who lift you up, not drag you down. Prioritize your well-being above the expectation to tolerate those who cause you constant stress and negativity.
