Ever feel like you’re going crazy, like maybe you’re misremembering things or overreacting to situations? Well, sometimes, that feeling isn’t just in your head. Some people, whether intentionally or not, have a way of making you doubt your own sanity. It’s a sneaky tactic called gaslighting, and it can leave you feeling confused, insecure, and even questioning your own grip on reality. Here are some of the more underhanded ways manipulative people try this tactic.
1. They deny reality with a straight face.
They flat-out deny things you know happened. You clearly remember a conversation, an event, or a promise, but they insist it never happened, hoping to make you question your own memory. It’s like they’re trying to erase your version of events and replace it with their own. This tactic is especially effective if they repeat the denial enough times because it can eventually make you start to doubt yourself.
2. They trivialize your feelings.
When you express your emotions, they dismiss them as being overblown, dramatic, or irrational. As outlined by Psychology Today, they might tell you that you’re being “too sensitive” or “making a big deal out of nothing.” This attempt to invalidate your feelings can leave you feeling unheard, misunderstood, and even crazy. It’s important to remember that your emotions are real, valid, and that you have the right to feel the way you do, even if someone else doesn’t understand or agree with you.
3. They try to confuse the life out of you.
They might intentionally change the subject, contradict themselves, or give you vague and ambiguous answers to leave you feeling disoriented and unsure of what’s really going on. They might also use double-binds, where they give you two conflicting messages at the same time, which then makes it impossible to please them or meet their expectations. This kind of manipulation can leave you feeling like you’re constantly walking on eggshells and that you’re never quite sure what to expect.
4. Their flaws suddenly become yours.
Source: Unsplash They might accuse you of being the one who’s lying, manipulating, or causing problems when they’re the one guilty of these exact behaviours. This is a classic defence mechanism where they deflect their own negative qualities onto you. For example, if they’re having an affair, they might accuse you of being unfaithful. It’s enough to drive anyone insane.
5. They isolate you from your support system.
Source: Unsplash They might try to cut you off from your friends and family, either subtly or pretty shamelessly. Not only that, but they may criticise the people you’re close to, make it difficult for you to see them, or even try to convince you that they’re bad for you. This isolation can make you feel more dependent on them and less likely to question their behaviour. It’s important to maintain healthy relationships with your support system and to trust your gut if someone tries to put a wedge between you and them.
6. They use love and affection as a weapon.
Source: Pexels They might shower you with affection and attention one minute, only to turn cold and distant the next. They hope that their hot-and-cold behaviour can leave you feeling confused and desperate to win back their approval, and that might happen. It can also make you doubt your own worth and make you feel like you’re not good enough for them. This kind of emotional manipulation can be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem, Psych Central points out.
7. They create a false sense of dependency.
Source: Unsplash They might make you feel like you need them in your life, even when you know you don’t. They might offer unsolicited advice, take over tasks you’re perfectly capable of handling, or even create problems that only they can solve. This manufactured dependency can make it difficult for you to imagine life without them, even when you know the relationship is unhealthy.
8. They use gaslighting phrases.
Source: Unsplash There are certain phrases that gaslighters use all the time to try to make you doubt yourself. These might include things like, “You’re too sensitive,” “You’re overreacting,” “You’re imagining things,” or “You’re crazy.” They might also use phrases like, “You’re just remembering it wrong,” “I never said that,” or “You’re making this up.” When these phrases are used repeatedly, they might eventually start taking effect, no matter how mentally strong you are.
9. They twist your words and actions.
Source: Unsplash They might misinterpret your words or actions to make you look bad. They might accuse you of saying or doing things you didn’t, or they might twist your words to fit their own narrative. This kind of manipulation can make you feel like you’re constantly miscommunicating and that you can’t trust your own perception of events. It’s important to stand your ground and not allow them to rewrite history.
10. They blame you for their problems.
Source: Unsplash They might blame you for their own unhappiness, failures, or bad behaviour. They might say things like, “You make me so angry,” “You’re the reason I’m like this,” or “If it weren’t for you, I’d be happy.” This kind of blame-shifting can make you feel responsible for their emotions and actions, even when you know it’s not your fault. It’s important to remember that you’re not responsible for their happiness or their choices.
11. They undermine your achievements.
Source: Unsplash When you accomplish something, they might downplay your success or find ways to criticise it. They might say things like, “You just got lucky,” “It wasn’t that big of a deal,” or “Anyone could have done it.” This kind of behaviour can make you feel like your accomplishments don’t matter and that you’re not as capable as you think you are. It’s important to celebrate your successes and not let anyone diminish them.
12. They give you backhanded compliments.
Source: Unsplash They might give you compliments that seem sincere on the surface, but actually contain hidden insults. For example, they might say, “You look great for your age,” “You’re so smart for someone without a college degree,” or “I’m surprised you were able to pull that off.” These backhanded compliments can leave you feeling confused and unsure of whether they’re being genuine or not. It’s important to trust your gut and not let them manipulate you with their words.
13. They create a sense of uncertainty and instability.
Source: Unsplash They might constantly change plans, break promises, or create drama out of nowhere. This kind of unpredictability can leave you feeling on edge and unsure of what to expect. It can also make it difficult to trust them or rely on them for anything. This instability can make you feel like you’re the crazy one, even when you know you’re not.
14. They never let you be right.
Source: Unsplash No matter what you do or say, they always seem to find a way to make you feel like you’re wrong. They might criticise your choices, your opinions, or even your personality. This constant criticism can set fire to your self-worth and make you doubt your own judgment. It’s important to remember that you’re not always wrong and that you have the right to your own thoughts and feelings.
15. They make you feel like you’re losing your mind.
Source: Unsplash This is the ultimate goal of gaslighting: to make you question your own sanity. If someone is constantly making you feel confused, disoriented, and unsure of yourself, it’s a sign they might be gaslighting you. It’s important to trust your gut and get support from friends, family, or a therapist if you feel like you’re losing your grip on reality.
