Narcissists are pros at flipping reality on its head—they’re so good at it, it’s scary.
They have a way of making you doubt your instincts, question your emotions, and even feel guilty for reacting like any normal person would. It doesn’t matter how intelligent you are, how mentally strong, or how emotionally resilient—they can still get to you in ways you wouldn’t have thoughts. Here’s how narcissists manage to make you feel crazy for having completely normal reactions (and why you have to fight back).
1. They accuse you of being too touchy.
When you express hurt over something a narcissist said or did, they’re quick to dismiss you as “too sensitive.” Instead of acknowledging that their words were cruel or dismissive, they make it about your inability to “take a joke” or “handle the truth.” This tactic leaves you questioning whether you’re overreacting when, in reality, your hurt feelings are completely valid.
As time goes on, you might start second-guessing your emotions altogether, wondering if you’re just “too much” for expecting basic kindness. The erosion of trust in your own feelings is exactly what the narcissist wants because it makes it easier for them to continue behaving badly without being held accountable.
2. They rewrite the past to suit their narrative.
Bring up something hurtful they did, and a narcissist will often act like it never happened, or they’ll spin a version of the event where they were the victim, and you were the villain. Their constant rewriting of history leaves you doubting your own memory and wondering if you made it all up.
Feeling confused or unsure about what actually happened is a totally normal reaction to being gaslit, but the narcissist uses that confusion to reinforce their control. It’s a form of mental manipulation that slowly breaks down your ability to trust your own recollections.
3. They blame you for their bad behaviour.
No matter what they do wrong—snapping, lying, cheating—a narcissist will find a way to blame you for it. They’ll say you “made them” act that way or that if you hadn’t done something first, they never would have reacted so badly. It’s a constant passing of responsibility away from themselves.
It’s completely normal to feel upset, hurt, or betrayed in these moments. Of course, the narcissist’s blame game makes you question if you somehow deserved it, even when deep down you know you didn’t. It’s a cruel cycle designed to keep you feeling guilty and unsure.
4. They laugh when you’re upset.
Few things feel more invalidating than pouring your heart out and having someone laugh in your face. Narcissists often mock or smirk when you show genuine emotion, making you feel ridiculous for even caring. It’s their way of showing that your feelings are trivial to them.
Feeling hurt, angry, or humiliated in response is completely natural. But narcissists want you to feel embarrassed for being emotional so that you learn to suppress your reactions as time goes on. It’s a subtle but brutal way of controlling how much you allow yourself to feel.
5. They twist your words to make you the bad guy.
Ever tried calmly explaining how you feel, only to have the narcissist twist your words until you’re somehow the villain? It’s exhausting. They take your reasonable concerns and turn them into accusations against you, moving the spotlight off their behaviour.
Feeling defensive, frustrated, or confused when this happens is completely normal, but narcissists make it seem like the conversation falling apart is your fault, not because they manipulated the narrative, but because you supposedly attacked them. It’s emotional manipulation at its finest.
6. They minimise your achievements.
When something good happens in your life, a narcissist will downplay it, act unimpressed, or find a way to make it about themselves. Celebrating your wins is perfectly natural, but narcissists make you feel self-centred or childish for wanting to share your excitement.
In the long run, you might start feeling guilty for your successes or uncomfortable celebrating yourself. Narcissists thrive when they keep you small, unsure, and dependent on their approval, even when it comes to things you should be proud of.
7. They act like your normal boundaries are unreasonable.
Setting boundaries is a healthy part of any relationship, but narcissists act like your limits are selfish, dramatic, or unfair. Whether you’re asking for space, respect, or honesty, they react as if you’re making impossible demands.
Feeling angry or sad when your boundaries are trampled is absolutely normal. Of course, narcissists twist the situation to make you feel guilty for simply trying to protect your mental and physical health, which eventually makes it harder to even know what boundaries you’re allowed to have.
8. They demand forgiveness but never change.
After a narcissist crosses a line, they might demand that you forgive and forget, often without any genuine apology or effort to change. Wanting to see real change before offering forgiveness is completely healthy, but they frame it like you’re petty or unforgiving for needing accountability.
Such a manipulative dynamic pressures you into moving on too quickly, often leaving you feeling unresolved and unheard. It’s not crazy to expect growth after harm; it’s basic emotional respect—something narcissists rarely want to offer if it threatens their control.
9. They explode over minor things to make you doubt yourself.
One moment everything feels fine, and the next they’re lashing out over something tiny. That emotional whiplash isn’t random. It’s a tactic to keep you walking on eggshells, second-guessing your every move to avoid their unpredictable anger.
Feeling anxious, cautious, or exhausted from constantly trying not to “set them off” is a normal reaction to living under emotional instability. Narcissists create this chaos on purpose, knowing it keeps you focused on their moods instead of your own needs and feelings.
10. They act like your pain is an inconvenience.
When you’re hurting, a narcissist often treats your emotions like a burden. They might roll their eyes, change the subject, or even accuse you of trying to “make everything about you.” It’s incredibly invalidating and makes you hesitate to share your feelings at all.
Feeling lonely, dismissed, or resentful when your pain is brushed off is completely natural. Narcissists teach you, over time, that your emotional needs are inconvenient, which makes it easier for them to avoid taking any emotional responsibility in the relationship.
11. They pit people against you.
Narcissists are experts at quietly sowing seeds of doubt among your friends, family, or colleagues. They might hint that you’re unstable, dramatic, or unreliable, making you feel isolated without even realising why relationships around you are shifting.
Feeling paranoid or betrayed when this happens is a normal reaction. Narcissists count on that confusion to make you more dependent on them, convincing you that they’re the only one you can trust—when, in reality, they’re the source of the chaos you’re experiencing.
12. They act superior when you show vulnerability.
Opening up about fears, struggles, or insecurities is healthy, but narcissists often respond by acting superior or condescending. They may dismiss your vulnerability or use it against you later in arguments to undermine your confidence.
Feeling hesitant to be vulnerable again after being shamed for it is completely normal. Narcissists weaponise vulnerability, teaching you to stay guarded even when you desperately crave connection. It’s a cruel trick that makes trust feel dangerous instead of healing.
13. They change the subject when you bring up concerns.
Try addressing a real issue with a narcissist, and suddenly the conversation turns to something you did wrong last month. It’s a deliberate tactic to dodge accountability and put you back on the defensive, exhausting you until you just drop it.
Feeling frustrated or crazy when conversations spin wildly off course is completely understandable. Narcissists rely on this confusion to avoid ever having to own their behaviour. It’s not your fault for wanting a normal, honest conversation. It’s them dodging the truth yet again.
14. They act like emotional reactions are “drama.”
If you cry, raise your voice, or show frustration, a narcissist will often label you as dramatic or unstable. Even perfectly normal human reactions are reframed as weaknesses or character flaws to make you doubt yourself.
Feeling defensive or embarrassed about showing emotion after dealing with a narcissist is a learned reaction. But there’s nothing wrong with having feelings. The real problem is their refusal to engage with emotions that aren’t centred around themselves.
15. They make you feel like asking for basic respect is unreasonable.
Wanting honesty, loyalty, kindness, and consideration isn’t asking for too much. In reality, it’s the foundation of any healthy relationship. But narcissists twist the narrative, acting like your basic expectations are unrealistic, clingy, or controlling.
Feeling confused about what you’re “allowed” to expect is a direct result of their manipulation. Of course, the truth is, you’re not crazy for wanting basic decency—you’re normal. It’s their refusal to meet those basic needs that’s the real problem, not your decision to speak up about it.
