Even the happiest couples argue sometimes — that’s just the reality of relationships.
However, just because you know fights are inevitable doesn’t make it okay to go all-in on your partner just because you’re angry. Fighting dirty is more than just shouting or slamming doors — it tends to be a bit subtler than that, but a whole lot more damaging. Doing these things during a disagreement is never okay, so if you’re guilty of any of them, you’ll want to make a concerted effort to change.
1. Bringing up the past
Using old mistakes or arguments as ammunition in current fights can feel like an ambush. Instead of resolving the issue at hand, it just creates defensiveness and escalates tension. As a result, both partners get stuck in a loop rather than moving forward together. If you can’t let bygones be bygones, you probably won’t be together for much longer.
2. Using the silent treatment
Shutting down and refusing to communicate may seem like a way to avoid further drama, but it’s a form of emotional punishment. It leaves the other person guessing and feeling dismissed. Over time, it also creates emotional distance that’s hard to repair. Plus, it’s downright immature — kids cross their arms and refuse to engage, not adults.
3. Name-calling or insulting your partner
Resorting to harsh words or personal jabs crosses a line and shifts the argument into hurtful territory. These comments are hard to take back and often linger long after the fight ends. Not only that, but insults away at trust and make making up a lot harder. If you think such terrible things of the person you’re with, why are you with them — and more importantly, why would they want to be with you?
4. Playing the victim
Turning every disagreement into a pity party for yourself can make your partner feel unheard and invalidated. It shifts the focus away from resolving the issue and onto comforting you. It’s a toxic dynamic that creates frustration and leaves problems unresolved. Sure, your partner should apologise (genuinely!) if they’ve done something wrong or said something that hurts you, but constantly painting yourself as the victim won’t help anyone.
5. Using sarcasm to undermine your partner
Sarcastic comments disguised as humour can feel cutting and dismissive. While it might seem like a subtle way to get your point across, it often leaves the other person feeling belittled. Over time, sarcasm erodes the foundation of mutual respect in a relationship. The middle of an argument isn’t the time to start flexing your comedy chops, you know.
6. Blaming without taking accountability
Pointing the finger at your partner for everything that’s wrong without acknowledging your own role in the issue is unfair. It takes two to tango, as they say! Relationships require mutual accountability, and accepting your part will make it a whole lot easier to find a resolution. Without this balance, conflicts can feel one-sided and exhausting.
7. Making sweeping statements
Phrases like “You always” or “You never” tend to exaggerate and generalise, which can feel unfair and just plain wrong. Human beings are complex and multifaceted, so speaking in absolutes can derail the conversation and make your partner feel attacked. Using specific examples instead helps keep the argument productive and fair.
8. Threatening to leave
Using breakups or ultimatums as leverage in a fight creates instability and fear, and it can make your partner feel unsafe in the relationship. It undermines the security and trust necessary for long-term commitment. If you want to leave, leave — but don’t hold it over your partner’s head to keep them in line or get them to do your bidding. That’s just wrong.
9. Ignoring boundaries during an argument
Pushing your partner to talk when they’ve asked for space or bringing up sensitive topics at awkward times shows a lack of respect. Honouring boundaries during a fight helps maintain trust and prevents things from escalating unnecessarily. Boundaries show that both partners value each other’s emotional needs. Just because you’re angry, you don’t have a right to overstep.
10. Overusing “I’m fine”
When “I’m fine” is used as a way to avoid addressing your true feelings, it creates confusion and frustration. It’s okay to need time to process, but clearly communicating that is far better than shutting down emotionally. Transparency builds the kind of connection that can withstand disagreements.
11. Using guilt as a weapon
Source: Unsplash Guilt-tripping your partner into agreeing with you or feeling bad about their behaviour is manipulative. It might get you short-term results, but it inevitably eats away at trust and emotional safety. Over time, it can (and often does) lead to resentment and further distance in the relationship.
12. Dismissing their feelings
Source: Unsplash Statements like “You’re overreacting” or “It’s not a big deal” can invalidate your partner’s feelings. That kind of dismissiveness can make them feel unheard and unimportant. Validating their feelings, even if you don’t agree, encourages understanding and keeps the lines of communication open. Isn’t that central to a healthy relationship?
13. Using other people as examples
Source: Unsplash Comparing your partner to someone else, like a friend or ex, is a major no-no. It shifts the focus from the issue to their so-called flaws and shortcomings. Not only does it knock your partner’s confidence, but it also creates unnecessary feelings of insecurity in the relationship.
14. Shutting down possible fixes
Rejecting every suggestion your partner offers to resolve the fight can create a sense of hopelessness. It’s like, what more can they do here? It’s so important that you work together to find a resolution that works for both of you. This way, you both feel that you were heard, understood, and respected.
15. Escalating to win
Turning up the volume, interrupting, or dominating the conversation to “win” the fight undermines the relationship’s core. Arguments aren’t competitions—they’re opportunities to understand each other better. Focusing on resolution instead of victory helps maintain a healthier, stronger bond. Fighting dirty doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, but recognising these behaviours is a must if you want to grow as a couple and as a human being. Healthy conflicts are about resolving issues, not hurting each other, and making an effort to communicate better can strengthen your relationship in the long run.
