Dissociation isn’t always obvious, especially since it tends to be such an internalised experience.
Sometimes it’s zoning out in conversation; other times, it’s forgetting what you were doing two minutes ago, or feeling like the world around you isn’t quite real. It’s the mind’s way of putting emotional distance between you and something that feels too overwhelming to fully process in the moment. Whether it shows up briefly or becomes a more ongoing state, here’s what many people don’t understand about what dissociation is, and why someone might experience it.
1. Dissociation is a coping mechanism, not a personality flaw.
At its core, dissociation is your mind trying to protect you. When things feel emotionally or physically unsafe, your brain creates distance so you don’t have to be fully present with the discomfort. It’s not attention-seeking. It’s survival. It’s your system’s way of saying, “This is too much right now.” And even though it can be frustrating or disorienting, it often starts as a completely natural response to overwhelm.
2. It often happens when there’s too much emotion at once.
High stress, anxiety, fear, or shame can all overwhelm the nervous system. When there’s too much emotion and not enough capacity to hold it, dissociation kicks in. It numbs things, flattens them out, or distances you from what’s happening. That’s why people often dissociate during arguments, panic attacks, or even after receiving unexpected news. It’s a way of checking out when the experience feels too big to stay in.
3. It can feel like watching your life from outside yourself.
Some people describe dissociation as floating above their body or watching events unfold like a movie. You’re aware things are happening, but you don’t feel fully involved. You’re there, but also not. That sense of detachment isn’t always dramatic—it can be subtle, like being present in body but not in emotion. However, it still affects how grounded and connected you feel in your own life.
4. For others, it shows up as losing track of time.
You might suddenly realise hours have passed without a clear memory of what you did. You weren’t asleep, but you weren’t fully present either. It’s like your mind went offline and took the rest of you with it. Losing time in that way isn’t due to laziness or forgetfulness. In fact, it can be a subtle form of dissociation that slips under the radar, especially during emotionally draining days.
5. It’s common after trauma, especially ongoing trauma.
People who’ve lived through abuse, neglect, or chronic stress often develop dissociation as a protective response. When you can’t physically escape a situation, your brain sometimes helps you escape mentally. As time goes on, it can become a default setting—even when things are safe. The mind learns that disconnecting is the safest option, even if the danger is long gone.
6. Dissociation can also show up in day-to-day anxiety.
You don’t have to have experienced trauma to dissociate. High anxiety alone can cause it. When your nervous system is stuck in overdrive, your brain may hit pause as a way to manage the chaos. It’s like your system flicking the lights off for a bit, not because it wants to shut you down, but because it doesn’t know how else to calm you down.
7. It can affect how you remember things.
When you dissociate, your memory can become foggy or fragmented. You might forget key details of a conversation or experience, even if it wasn’t that long ago. Your brain wasn’t fully recording—it was in self-protect mode. That can be frustrating, especially when people expect you to explain or recall something clearly. However, it’s not a failure of attention. It’s a nervous system response that makes full presence feel unsafe.
8. It’s not always dramatic or easy to spot.
There’s a misconception that dissociation always looks extreme. However, for many people, it’s subtle—daydreaming too often, zoning out while driving familiar roads, or feeling weirdly disconnected during a normal day. That subtlety can make it harder to name. But just because it looks quiet doesn’t mean it’s not affecting someone’s experience of their own life in a deep way.
9. It can feel like nothing is real, even when you know it is.
Some people describe moments where everything feels fake or distant, even though they logically know they’re awake and functioning. This is called derealisation, and it’s a form of dissociation. It’s not psychosis. It’s a sign that your mind is trying to buffer your experience. The world hasn’t changed, but your perception of it has gone fuzzy as a form of protection.
10. It often leads to disconnection from your own needs.
If you dissociate often, it becomes harder to recognise hunger, tiredness, or emotional signals. You might skip meals without noticing, ignore exhaustion, or struggle to say how you’re actually feeling. It has nothing to do with neglect—it’s about not having full access to your body’s cues. After a while, that disconnect can compound stress, burnout, and emotional confusion.
11. It can be mistaken for being cold or disengaged.
When someone’s dissociating, they may seem distant or flat—not because they don’t care, but because they’re struggling to stay present. The lights are on, but the emotional wiring isn’t all connected in that moment. That misunderstanding can lead to hurt feelings or judgement from other people, when what the person really needs is gentleness and grounding, not more pressure to perform emotional closeness.
12. It’s not a choice, but it can become a pattern.
Most people don’t choose to dissociate—it just happens. However, when it becomes a repeated response to stress, it can turn into a habit that’s hard to break. You start checking out without meaning to, even in safe moments. Recognising the pattern is the first step. It’s not about shame; it’s about noticing when your system needs more support, not more pressure to stay “on.”
13. Grounding techniques can help, but they’re not one-size-fits-all.
Things like deep breathing, holding an object, or splashing cold water on your face can sometimes help bring you back to the present. But what works for one person might not work for another. The goal isn’t to snap out of dissociation instantly. It’s to create small anchors that tell your nervous system, “We’re safe now.” And finding what soothes you personally takes time and trial.
14. Healing requires patience and self-compassion.
Dissociation usually forms over time, and it takes time to unlearn. The goal isn’t to never dissociate again. It’s to understand it, respond to it, and gradually build safety from the inside out. Being kind to yourself during the process matters. You’re not broken—you adapted. Now that you see it, you can start moving toward connection, one grounded step at a time.
