The “Let Them” theory popularised by Mel Robbins is simple on the surface.
Basically, when people show you who they are—through dismissive actions, flakiness, inconsiderate behaviour, or just plain mismatched energy—you let them. You stop overexplaining, correcting, managing, or chasing. Instead of trying to control how they show up, you watch how they show up… and make decisions from there. It’s not about giving up—it’s about stepping back and reclaiming your energy from places that keep draining it.
This mindset can feel radical at first, especially if you’re used to smoothing things over, making excuses for other people, or bending yourself to fit relationships that never quite meet you halfway. However, it doesn’t mean becoming cold or detached. It’s about choosing peace over performance. Here’s how practising the “Let Them” theory can reshape how you protect your time, energy, and sense of self.
1. Let them cancel on you repeatedly.
If someone keeps making plans and then bailing at the last minute, don’t keep chasing them for reliability. Let them cancel. Let them reveal where their priorities really are without you having to guess. The more you try to fix or accommodate their inconsistency, the more you teach them it’s okay to treat your time casually.
Instead of trying to get them to be more considerate, just notice the pattern, and opt out. You don’t have to call it a breakup or make a speech. Just make less space for people who make less space for you.
2. Let them not understand your boundaries.
If someone pushes your boundaries, questions them, or makes you feel guilty for having them, let them do that—once. After that, you pay attention. You’re not here to endlessly explain why you deserve rest, privacy, or emotional space.
The people who respect your boundaries won’t need a PowerPoint presentation to get it. And the ones who constantly test them usually aren’t confused—they’re just hoping you’ll bend. Let them misunderstand you, and let that be your cue to create more distance.
3. Let them not like you.
This is one of the most freeing changes. Not everyone is going to get you, agree with you, or even appreciate the way you move through the world. Let them not like you. Let them roll their eyes. Let them talk. Trying to be universally palatable is exhausting, and unnecessary. When you stop needing to be understood or approved by everyone, you start attracting the people who genuinely align with who you are, not who you perform to be.
4. Let them talk about you.
People will form opinions, tell their own versions of events, and sometimes completely misunderstand your intentions. Let them. You don’t have to defend yourself in every room you’re not in. The truth survives on its own, and your peace doesn’t need a press release.
Constantly defending yourself is a trap—it keeps you emotionally tethered to people who don’t value your side anyway. When you stop correcting everyone’s narrative, you realise how little control you ever had over it in the first place, and how freeing that actually is.
5. Let them forget you.
If someone drops out of your life without explanation or effort, let them. Don’t beg to be remembered or resented for being left behind. If you were only important when convenient, that connection was already unbalanced. Letting someone forget you isn’t bitterness—it’s release. It creates space for mutuality, for relationships where you’re remembered not out of guilt, but because you matter in a consistent and real way.
6. Let them be offended.
Sometimes you’ll set a boundary, share a truth, or make a choice that upsets someone. Let them be upset. Let them feel whatever they need to feel about your growth, your limits, or your voice. That discomfort is theirs to manage, not yours to solve. Trying to cushion other people’s emotions often comes at the expense of your own clarity. Letting people be disappointed means you’re finally putting your energy into being honest instead of endlessly being liked.
7. Let them drift.
Friendships and relationships change. People grow in different directions. Some connections quietly fade, not out of drama, but because they no longer reflect who you are. Let that be okay. Let them drift. You don’t need to chase every fading bond or fix every friendship that used to feel close. Sometimes releasing the version of the relationship that no longer fits is exactly what allows you to grow into the ones that do.
8. Let them believe you’re the problem.
There will be times when someone decides you’re the villain in their story—because you said no, because you stood up for yourself, because you stopped shrinking to fit their needs. Let them believe it. It’s not your job to convince anyone of your goodness. People committed to misunderstanding you won’t change because of a heartfelt conversation. They’ll change when they’re ready—or not at all. Your job is to stay in integrity, not in their version of the plot.
9. Let them be inconsistent.
Hot-and-cold behaviour, flaky commitment, or sudden disappearances followed by intense reappearances—let it all be what it is. When you stop trying to decode someone’s mixed signals, you stop making excuses for emotional immaturity. Inconsistency is information. Let people show you their rhythm, and instead of trying to sync up with chaos, ask yourself whether peace might be found somewhere more stable.
10. Let them ignore your needs.
If you’ve expressed your needs clearly and someone continues to ignore them, let them. Let that pattern become obvious. You don’t need to remind someone a third or fourth time how to care about you. Love doesn’t need that much convincing. Letting someone ignore your needs isn’t about letting the neglect continue—it’s about stepping out of the cycle entirely. It’s saying: I’m no longer fighting to be treated like I matter. If that’s not already obvious, I’ll take my energy elsewhere.
11. Let them show you their capacity.
Not everyone has the emotional depth, maturity, or bandwidth to show up in the ways you do. Let them reveal that. You can still care about someone and also accept that they’re not equipped to meet you where you are. When you stop expecting depth from shallow places, you stop feeling chronically disappointed. Letting people show you their limits helps you stop pouring into bottomless cups.
12. Let them stay the same.
Source: Unsplash You might grow. They might not. You might heal, reflect, and outgrow certain dynamics, while others stay stuck in old patterns. Let them. Not everyone will do the work. Not everyone wants to, and that doesn’t make them bad, but it does mean they can’t go where you’re going.
Letting people stay the same frees you from trying to drag them into your evolution. You’re allowed to move on without bitterness. You’re allowed to love people and still leave them where they are.
