ADHD encompasses more than just being forgetful or hyper—it’s a neurodevelopmental condition that affects how someone processes time, focus, emotion, and motivation.
While most people mean well, there are a lot of unhelpful comments thrown around that can make people with ADHD feel misunderstood, dismissed, or even ashamed. If you care about someone with the condition—whether they’ve been diagnosed or are still figuring it out—what you say (and how you say it) matters. Keep these phrases (or ones like them) out of your vocabulary.
1. “Everyone’s a bit ADHD these days.”
This might sound like you’re trying to normalise their experience, but it quietly dismisses the very real challenges they face. ADHD isn’t just being distracted sometimes—it’s a whole-brain experience that can affect every area of life. Instead, acknowledge their reality. Try saying, “I can’t fully understand what that feels like, but I’m glad you shared it with me.” That kind of validation goes a long way.
2. “Just try harder to focus.”
Focus isn’t a choice for someone with ADHD—it’s often a struggle that has nothing to do with effort or intelligence. That kind of comment makes it sound like they’re just not trying hard enough. Try asking, “Is there anything I can do that would make this easier for you to manage?” Support looks better than pressure, every time.
3. “Maybe you’re just lazy.”
People with ADHD often hear this growing up—and it sticks. However, what looks like laziness is usually overwhelm, paralysis, or executive dysfunction. They want to do the thing. Their brain just doesn’t always let them. A better approach might be, “I see you’re stuck—do you want help breaking this down?” That small change shows support instead of blame.
4. “Why don’t you just get organised?”
Organisation sounds simple, but for someone with ADHD, it’s not just about buying a planner or tidying up. It’s about learning systems that work for their brain, not someone else’s. Instead, you could say, “What kind of structure usually helps you the most?” That shows respect for their process, not just the end result.
5. “You always forget everything.”
This might be true, but when said with frustration or sarcasm, it’s more hurtful than helpful. Memory issues are a real part of ADHD, not a personal failure. If you need to address it, try, “Would reminders help?” or “Is there a way we can work around this together?” Compassion beats criticism.
6. “Stop being so dramatic.”
Emotional intensity is part of ADHD, especially for those with rejection sensitivity. Telling them to calm down or stop overreacting only adds shame to what they’re already struggling with. Try saying, “I see this really matters to you—do you want to talk it through?” That creates space for emotional safety instead of shutting them down.
7. “You’re too smart to have ADHD.”
This sounds like a compliment, but it’s actually invalidating. ADHD and intelligence aren’t opposites. In fact, many people with ADHD are highly intelligent, and still struggle to function in traditional systems. Try saying, “I didn’t know that—thanks for helping me understand.” Learning to listen without assuming helps build trust fast.
8. “You just need to manage your time better.”
Time blindness is a huge part of ADHD. They’re not ignoring deadlines or running late to be disrespectful—it’s genuinely difficult for them to track time the way a neurotypical brain might. Instead of judging, offer tools: “Want to try setting a timer together?” or “Would a visual schedule help?” Framing it as support can lower the shame they often carry.
9. “You’re just making excuses.”
People with ADHD often internalise this one, even when it’s not said aloud. But their reasons aren’t excuses—they’re explanations. The problem isn’t that they don’t care. It’s that their brain works differently. Better language might be, “I know this is tough—what do you need to get started?” That turns judgement into practical help.
10. “You were fine yesterday, so why not today?”
ADHD doesn’t show up consistently. Some days everything clicks. Other days, brushing your teeth feels impossible. That unpredictability isn’t laziness—it’s a brain that struggles with regulation. Acknowledge the fluctuation: “I get that today’s different. Let me know if you want help making things easier.” Empathy works better than confusion or doubt.
11. “It’s just an excuse for bad behaviour.”
ADHD isn’t an excuse, but it is an explanation. That doesn’t mean people with ADHD don’t take responsibility, but understanding the context behind a reaction helps avoid shame-based assumptions. If boundaries are needed, say, “I understand where you’re coming from, but let’s find a way to handle this differently next time.” That allows accountability without blame.
12. “You don’t seem hyper, so it can’t be ADHD.”
Hyperactivity isn’t the only symptom. Many people with ADHD, especially women and adults, are inattentive or internally restless rather than visibly hyper. The stereotype doesn’t match the full picture. A more helpful response might be, “Thanks for explaining how it actually shows up for you—I didn’t realise that.” Openness invites more honesty.
13. “You’re so flaky.”
Missed texts, late replies, or forgotten plans aren’t signs they don’t care—they’re signs they’re overwhelmed. ADHD often messes with follow-through, even when intentions are good. Try, “Let’s find a reminder system that works for both of us.” That flips the focus to collaboration, not blame.
14. “Just pick one thing and stick with it.”
ADHD brains are wired for novelty. That means they might bounce between hobbies, interests, or jobs more often, and feel shame about not finishing what they start. Instead of pushing consistency, try celebrating curiosity: “I love how passionate you get about new things.” That validates their spark rather than criticising their changes.
15. “Are you sure it’s not just anxiety or burnout?”
Many ADHDers are misdiagnosed or dismissed this way. While anxiety and burnout can overlap, ADHD is a distinct condition that needs different support and understanding. Instead of playing diagnostic detective, try asking, “What does your experience feel like to you?” Let them define it for themselves without second-guessing their insight.
16. “It’s not that hard.”
What seems easy to one person can be genuinely difficult for someone else. Tasks that require focus, sequencing, or consistency hit differently with ADHD. They’re not being difficult—they’re navigating a different set of challenges. Instead, offer practical help without judgement. “Want to tackle this together for 10 minutes?” can be far more motivating than another reminder of what’s hard.
