Breakups leave people raw, regardless of the circumstances that led to the split.
Even if the relationship wasn’t perfect, or even healthy, grief still shows up in weird, unpredictable ways. And while most friends mean well, the support they offer can sometimes miss the mark. When someone’s heart is heavy, they don’t need advice wrapped in clichés—they need presence, patience, and permission to fall apart a little. Here’s what really helps when someone’s in the middle of it.
1. Let them talk about it… again.
Yes, they might repeat the same story ten different ways. And yes, it might sound like they’re stuck. However, processing a breakup means turning it over in your head until something finally makes sense, or hurts a little less. What helps isn’t rushing them to “move on.” It’s being the person who doesn’t flinch when they need to circle back for the fifth time. That kind of patience makes the pain feel a little less lonely.
2. Don’t rush to silver linings.
“You’ll meet someone better” might be true, but it doesn’t land well in the middle of heartbreak. When someone’s grieving a loss, even if it’s for the best, they need space to feel it, not a motivational speech. Offering comfort doesn’t mean fixing their mood. It means sitting with the messy parts without trying to paint over them. They’ll get to the light eventually, but they don’t need to be pushed there before they’re ready.
3. Check in more than once.
The texts and calls usually come fast in the first few days. However, once the dust settles, that’s when the silence gets loud. People going through breakups often feel like the world has moved on, while they’re still stuck in the same loop. A quick “thinking of you” two weeks later can mean more than a flurry of support up front. It shows them they’re not forgotten just because the drama died down. The quiet check-ins count most.
4. Let them be messy without judging them for it.
Breakups don’t always bring out someone’s best. They might text their ex when they swore they wouldn’t. They might cry over something small, or swing wildly between numb and furious. This isn’t a logic problem—it’s an emotional one. What they need is room to be human. Even if you wouldn’t handle things the same way, your job isn’t to correct them; it’s to be someone who still shows up while they figure it out.
5. Remind them that heartbreak isn’t weakness.
It’s easy to feel embarrassed after a breakup, like you failed or cared too much. People often downplay their own feelings because they think they should be stronger, tougher, more in control. Being the friend who says, “You’re allowed to hurt” can change everything. It helps them see that vulnerability isn’t something to be ashamed of—it’s part of healing. Having that permission can make it easier to keep moving.
6. Let them talk about the good parts too.
Sometimes people need to grieve what was beautiful, not just what went wrong. However, they worry you’ll judge them for missing someone who hurt them or for romanticising a relationship that’s clearly over. It helps to give them space to talk about the full picture—the joy and the pain—without cutting them off or reminding them of the bad stuff too quickly. They’re not trying to go back. They’re just trying to honour what mattered before they let it go.
7. Show up with something simple and practical.
When someone’s heartbroken, basic life tasks can feel enormous. Bringing over food, doing the dishes, or just keeping them company while they cry on the couch makes a huge difference. It says, “You don’t have to keep it together right now.” Support doesn’t always have to be emotional advice. Sometimes it’s just giving them a break from pretending they’re okay. That quiet presence is often more healing than any big gesture.
8. Don’t make it about your own breakup story.
It’s natural to want to relate. But there’s a difference between saying “I get it” and hijacking the conversation. When someone’s raw, they need space for their own grief, not a replay of your last breakup in full detail. You can empathise without centring yourself. Save your story for later. Right now, just let them be in theirs without competing for emotional airtime.
9. Validate the small stuff.
Missing the sound of someone’s laugh. Feeling weird eating dinner alone. Not knowing what to do with the toothbrush they left. These little things can hit harder than anyone expects. When you acknowledge that the small griefs are real, you give them permission to process the experience fully—not just the big, obvious parts. That makes the healing feel more whole and less rushed.
10. Avoid talking badly of their ex too quickly.
It might be tempting to immediately go into “you’re better off” mode, but it doesn’t always help. They might still love their ex. Or hate them. Or miss them while also being furious. It’s rarely black and white. Let them guide the tone. If they want to vent, join in. But if they’re still sorting out how they feel, jumping into character assassination can make it harder to process things clearly. Let them lead, emotionally.
11. Help them re-enter the world, one step at a time.
When someone’s heartbroken, everything shrinks. The idea of going out, having fun, or talking to new people can feel impossible. Instead of pushing them to “get back out there,” meet them where they are. Offer low-pressure ways to reconnect with the world—a walk, a movie night, sitting at a café. Not to distract them, but to remind them that there’s still life beyond this grief. The world hasn’t stopped spinning, even if it feels like it has.
12. Respect that they might need space, too.
Some people grieve inwardly. They don’t want advice, or company, or pep talks. They just want to be left alone to cry it out, journal it through, or sit in silence for a while, and that’s okay. Letting someone know you’re here without demanding access is a powerful form of care. It says, “You don’t have to perform for me.” That kind of emotional permission can help them feel safe enough to come back when they’re ready.
13. Keep their secrets safe.
Breakups can bring out private, vulnerable details—fights, regrets, hard truths. If someone trusts you with those things, protect them. Don’t repeat them to other people, even in casual conversation or under the guise of venting. Trust is everything during emotional fallout. And knowing they can count on your discretion gives them space to be honest without fear of it being weaponised later.
14. Don’t act like it’s your job to fix them.
You can’t speed up their healing, find them someone better, or talk them out of the pain. That’s not your role, and it never was. Your job is to be a soft landing while they find their own way through. People remember who was gentle with them when they felt broken. Just being there, fully present and without pressure, might be more healing than anything you say. Sometimes support looks like sitting beside someone in their sadness, not dragging them out of it.
