Many people in their 40s and 50s, known as the “sandwich generation” are struggling, and it’s easy to see why.
These people are caught in a pretty precarious position: they’re old enough that their parents are now becoming elderly and requiring more help, but they’re young enough to still have children at home that also need a lot of attention and care. As a result, this generation is left trying to make sure both their ageing parents and their young kids are looked after, all while also juggling full-time work, looking after a house, and other responsibilities. If this is a familiar experience to you, chances are you’ll relate to these struggles — and could use some help dealing with the pressure and stress that come along with them.
1. Juggling it all feels overwhelming.
It can feel like there are two full-time jobs to manage: one as a caregiver for your kids and one as a support system for your parents. Trying to meet both your children’s emotional and financial needs while making sure your parents get the care they deserve can feel exhausting. Add in the fact that these responsibilities are ever-present and there’s literally never any downtime from them, and it can be hard to catch a break. The emotional weight of watching your parents age while also focusing on your kids can really take a toll. It’s important to recognise that feeling overwhelmed is a natural response when you’re pulled in so many directions — and it’s okay to admit it. That might not alleviate the stress and exhaustion you feel, but it might lessen the pressure you place on yourself.
2. A lot of financial pressure comes along with caring for two generations.
The financial strain of supporting both your parents and your kids is real. Whether it’s helping your children pay for school or making sure your parents have the healthcare they need, the costs can quickly add up. Many people find themselves dipping into their savings or cutting back on things they enjoy just to make ends meet. You might even feel guilty when the money runs low, like there’s never enough to go around. This is where it’s really important to be open about finances — talking with both your kids and your parents about money, setting clear boundaries, and looking for grants, government help, or community resources can help ease the pressure. It’s about finding ways to balance your financial commitments without feeling like you’re constantly sacrificing. At the end of the day, you can’t physically provide for everyone’s needs and leave yourself dry, so recognise your limitations.
3. Emotional exhaustion and burnout can take over.
It’s easy to pour all your energy into caring for everyone else, but after a while, you start to run on empty. When you’re constantly being needed, it can leave you emotionally drained, to the point where even the smallest problem feels like a huge mountain to climb. Taking care of your mental and emotional health isn’t selfish, it’s a necessity. Even small breaks for yourself, like a quick walk or a few minutes of silence, can help you recharge. And remember, you don’t have to do it all alone — reaching out for help from siblings, partners, or friends can make a huge difference in preventing burnout. Many places also offer support groups for those in a similar position to come together and share their frustrations, concerns, and experiences. Feeling less alone can go a long way in providing comfort.
4. The guilt of not doing enough often feels intense.
This one’s tough because no matter how hard you try, you might always feel like you’re falling short. You might feel guilty for not being able to spend as much time with your kids, or for not doing more for your parents. It’s a constant mental tug-of-war, where it feels like you can never fully meet anyone’s needs. But the truth is, you can’t do it all, and that’s okay. Instead of beating yourself up, focus on doing the best you can. Recognising the small wins — like helping one child with their homework or getting a parent to an important doctor’s appointment—can make a big difference. Therapy or joining a support group can also help you cope with these feelings of guilt and help you see that you’re doing more than enough. You would never expect anyone else to be able to do it all, so why do you assume you’re any different?
5. It’s hard to manage generational expectations.
Sometimes, the expectations placed on you by different generations can feel like a lot to handle. Your parents might want traditional forms of care and attention, while your kids expect you to be more modern and flexible. Trying to meet these differing needs can add to the stress, especially if you don’t feel like you’re hitting the mark. The key here is clear communication. Talk openly about your limitations, set realistic expectations, and involve your kids in understanding the needs of your parents. This way, you can manage both sets of expectations in a way that doesn’t leave you feeling like you’re constantly disappointing someone. And hey, sometimes you might have to face up to the fact that someone will be disappointed, but that’s not your responsibility to deal with. You can only do what you can do, and that’s more than enough.
6. Balancing work and home life is a huge challenge.
Source: Unsplash Managing a career while trying to handle caregiving responsibilities can feel like an impossible balancing act. From squeezing in doctor’s appointments to attending your kid’s school events, it seems like there’s never enough time to get everything done. If you can, consider talking to your boss about more flexible work hours or remote options. Being able to adjust your schedule when needed can ease some of the stress. Also, setting boundaries between work and home life — like not answering work emails during family time — can help you keep your sanity intact. Protecting your time, energy, and resources becomes more important than ever, and you need to be unapologetic about it.
7. You feel isolated in your struggles more often than not.
This one can be tough because, even though you’re surrounded by family, you might still feel alone in what you’re going through. It’s hard for anyone else to fully understand what it’s like if they haven’t been through a similar experience themselves, and it can be hard to open up about how tough it is. That’s why it’s so important to connect with people who are going through something similar. Online forums, local support groups, or even just talking to friends who understand can make you feel less isolated. Remember, your feelings are valid, and talking about them with people can help lighten the load.
8. The physical toll of caregiving can be intense.
Caring for both children and elderly parents takes a physical toll as well. Lifting, running errands, driving around — it all adds up. Over time, this can lead to exhaustion, aches, and even long-term health issues. It’s easy to neglect your physical health when you’re constantly taking care of others, but it’s essential to incorporate self-care into your routine. Even small things like stretching, regular exercise, or getting enough sleep can make a huge difference. And don’t be afraid to ask for help when a task feels too physically demanding, whether it’s hiring a caregiver or getting groceries delivered. Recognise when you’re having a hard time or when things are becoming too much and do whatever you can to mitigate it. Help is available, no matter your situation.
9. Managing sibling dynamics gets complicated.
If you have brothers or sisters, caregiving can sometimes bring up tension, especially if responsibilities aren’t being shared fairly. You might feel like you’re doing the lion’s share of the work, and resentment can build. It’s important to talk openly with your siblings about the workload and divide responsibilities in a way that feels fair. Regular family meetings to check in on caregiving plans can help keep everyone on the same page and prevent unnecessary conflicts from popping up. All the responsibilities or even decision-making shouldn’t fall on one person’s shoulders; everyone should be chipping in evenly to ensure your parents are looked after.
10. Maintaining personal relationships isn’t easy when you don’t have much time.
With everything going on, it’s easy for personal relationships to take a back seat. Whether it’s with a partner, friends, or extended family, finding time for meaningful quality time can be hard. However, it’s so important for your mental and emotional health to connect with people you love and who make you feel happy and supported. Even small moments of connection, like grabbing coffee with a friend or having a quiet night with your partner, can help you feel relaxed and loved. Communicating your struggles with your loved ones can also help them understand what you’re going through and help them to be more supportive. You might feel bad for taking time away from your responsibilities to enjoy a bit of socialising, but it’s vital that you do. You’ll be a much better parent, child, and friend because of it.
11. The impact on mental health often goes unnoticed.
Caring for other people all the time can really take a toll on your mental health. Feelings of anxiety, depression, or inadequacy can creep in, especially when you’re constantly feeling pulled in different directions. It’s important to recognise these feelings and take action. Talking to a therapist, practising mindfulness, or engaging in relaxation techniques can help you manage stress and improve your mental health. Don’t let the stigma around mental health keep you from getting the support you need. Also, be aware of when your mental health seems to be slipping. Often, we ignore negative feelings until they become overwhelming, and that’s no good. Being proactive about looking after yourself can stop smaller problems before they become major ones.
12. The lack of time for hobbies and passions can really get you down.
When you’re so busy caring for others, it’s easy for your own hobbies and passions to fall by the wayside. Things you once enjoyed, like reading, painting, or gardening, might feel like luxuries you don’t have time for. But it’s important to carve out moments for yourself. Even a short amount of time each day spent doing something you love can help you recharge and reconnect with your own identity. It might even help you be a better caregiver in the long run.
13. You feel unprepared for the future, no matter how much preparation you do.
The future can feel uncertain when you’re juggling caregiving responsibilities. Concerns about retirement, future healthcare needs, and what your caregiving role will look like in the years to come can be overwhelming. What’s worse is that you don’t feel that you even have the luxury of time to think about these things, let alone make any concrete progress on them. Planning ahead, even in small steps, can help reduce anxiety. Consider speaking with a financial planner to discuss savings and care plans. Breaking these tasks into manageable pieces makes them feel less daunting and more achievable.
14. You’re adapting to constant change, which is tough.
Things are always changing — your parents’ health, your kids’ needs, your work schedule — everything seems to shift constantly. It can feel emotionally draining to adapt all the time. Having a flexible mindset can help you roll with these changes instead of resisting them. Plus, leaning on your support network during these times can help you stay grounded. You won’t always get it right, but that’s okay. You’re a human being, and you’ll make mistakes sometimes — that’s just how things work. The most important thing is that you give yourself a bit of grace and recognise that you’re doing the bes you can.
15. Finding joy in the midst of it all isn’t easy, but it’s possible.
Source: Unsplash It’s easy to get bogged down in the stress and pressure of caring for other people, but don’t forget to find moments of joy. Watching your kids grow and succeed or helping your parents feel cared for can be incredibly rewarding. Celebrating those small victories can make all the hard work worth it. Taking time to appreciate those moments — whether it’s a laugh with your kids or a quiet moment with your parents — helps balance out the struggles and reminds you of why it’s all worth it.
