Sometimes you don’t have the luxury of cutting someone off completely, even if you know deep down you can’t trust them.
Maybe it’s a colleague, a family member, or someone in your wider social circle who always seems a little too interested in your personal life. When you’re stuck in those situations, the goal isn’t to become cold or fake—it’s to protect your peace without giving them anything that can be used against you. Here’s what to say, and what to avoid, when you’re stuck around someone who’s proven they’re not safe with your trust.
Keep it neutral: “Not much, same as always.”
If they ask how you are or what you’ve been up to, keep it vague. You don’t owe them a life update. A casual “Not much, same as always” shuts down curiosity without sounding cold. It keeps the conversation moving without opening any real doors.
Over-sharers often regret it later around untrustworthy people. You’re not being rude by staying surface-level—you’re being smart. You’re drawing a firm but casual line between small talk and vulnerability, and that line matters more than ever when someone’s track record isn’t great.
Avoid saying: “Can I be honest with you?”
It might feel like a natural opener when you’re venting, but it assumes safety that isn’t actually there. If they’re not trustworthy, giving them the green light to hear something real is risky. It invites them into a space they haven’t earned.
Instead, try checking in with yourself before you speak. If you’re not totally sure this person would handle your honesty with care, it’s probably better to keep things short and skip the emotional confessions. Some people hear vulnerability and treat it like gossip fuel.
Say less than you feel: “It is what it is.”
This one is low-effort, low-risk, and it communicates that you’re done talking without inviting questions. If someone’s trying to dig into your personal business, this is your shield. It sounds passive, but it can be a boundary in disguise. Instead of explaining your choices or venting about what’s stressing you out, “It is what it is” gives you a polite exit without opening any cracks they can slip through. When you can’t fully disengage, non-committal language becomes your friend.
Avoid saying: “Between you and me…”
This immediately turns whatever comes next into something juicy—and repeatable. The second you tell someone “between you and me,” you’re giving them an unofficial green light to pass it on under the same false promise of privacy. If you already know they leak information, don’t feed the system. You can still have a conversation without revealing anything that sounds exclusive. If it’s something you wouldn’t want repeated with your name attached, leave it unsaid.
Use a redirect: “What about you?”
When they ask questions that start to feel intrusive, calmly flip the focus back to them. People who can’t be trusted with your truth often love talking about themselves. “What about you?” is a subtle pivot that steers things away from your personal life without drawing attention to the change.
It might sound basic, but it works. You’re not dodging the conversation; you’re just guiding it into safer territory. And if they’re not the type to notice nuance, they’ll happily take the bait and start talking about themselves instead.
Avoid saying: “I probably shouldn’t say this, but…”
Anything that starts like this usually ends in oversharing. If you feel yourself hesitating, that’s your instinct trying to protect you. Don’t talk yourself into ignoring it. If your gut says no, listen. That “but” is often where regret lives. Once the words are out there, you can’t control how they’ll be repeated, or twisted. You don’t have to share something risky just to keep the conversation flowing. Silence or small talk is always safer.
Say this instead: “I’m keeping things private right now.”
This is a respectful, adult way of saying, “Back off.” You’re not accusing anyone, but you’re making your boundary clear. If they respect it, great. If they push, that just confirms why the boundary’s there in the first place. You don’t need to justify why you’re not sharing. Privacy doesn’t need a backstory. Saying it out loud also reminds you that you’re allowed to hold that line without guilt, even when the other person doesn’t like it.
Avoid venting when you’re emotionally raw
Sometimes it feels easier to talk to someone you don’t trust because they’re not that close. It feels like a low-stakes outlet. However, what starts as a casual rant can quickly turn into something they use to judge you or stir things up later. If you’re upset or overwhelmed, talk to someone who’s shown they can hold your emotions safely. If that person isn’t around, write it down or keep it to yourself until the feeling passes. Your rawest moments deserve a safe landing spot.
Say this instead: “I’m still figuring things out.”
If they’re pushing for updates or decisions you’re not ready to share, this keeps things vague while still sounding polite. It lets them know you’re not open to discussion without sounding defensive or closed off. You’re not obligated to hand over your thought process just because someone’s curious. This keeps the conversation light but firm, and it leaves zero room for interference or judgement.
Avoid giving strong opinions on shared social circles
If you’re stuck around someone who gossips, don’t fuel the fire, especially when it comes to mutual friends or family. You might think you’re just agreeing with a harmless comment, but it’s easy for those words to come back around with your name attached. Keep your responses bland and non-committal. “Yeah, everyone’s got their stuff going on” is a great fallback. The less you say, the less you’ll regret later. You’re not playing the game. You’re opting out altogether.
Say this instead: “I’ve got a lot on my plate at the moment.”
This is your get-out-of-everything-free card. It works for dodging events, avoiding deeper conversations, or gently stepping back from a dynamic that’s starting to feel off. It doesn’t invite further questions, and it gives you room to move without confrontation. You don’t need to explain what you’re busy with. The point is to create space. If they care, they’ll respect it. If they push, that’s your signal to stay guarded.
Avoid sarcasm that sounds like truth.
Sometimes we try to mask the truth with a joke or a sarcastic jab, thinking it’ll fly under the radar. Of course, with untrustworthy people, those little comments get remembered, and often repeated without the humour you intended. Stick to clarity. If something’s not true, don’t say it. If something is true, but sensitive, don’t say it there. Sarcasm isn’t a shield around people who are actively listening for things to twist.
Say this instead: “I’d rather not get into that.”
It’s clear, it’s simple, and it doesn’t invite follow-up. You don’t owe anyone access to your opinions, relationships, or emotional world just because they ask. This is the verbal equivalent of a full stop. It might feel awkward at first, but it gets easier the more you use it. Plus, it sends a message—not just about that moment, but about how you expect to be treated going forward.
Avoid justifying your boundaries.
You don’t need to explain why you didn’t reply right away, why you skipped the invite, or why you’re being quieter than usual. Justifying yourself only invites debate, and people who can’t be trusted will absolutely use that opening. It’s okay to just say, “That didn’t work for me,” or even nothing at all. If someone makes you feel like you owe them a reason, chances are they’re not interested in understanding—they’re interested in control.
Say this instead: “I’m not really talking about that at the moment.”
This is a softer version of a no, but it still gets the job done. Whether it’s about your relationship, your job, or your mental health, you’re allowed to choose what’s on the table, and what isn’t. You’re not shutting them out, you’re just choosing not to open the door. People who care about you will respect that. People who don’t might try to push, but now you’ll know exactly what that means.
Most importantly, don’t give them your silence when they cross a line.
If someone betrays your trust, it’s easy to freeze, minimise it, or brush it off as no big deal. But silence can sometimes be taken as permission. You don’t have to cause a scene, but you can change your tone, your access, and your openness going forward.
Trust isn’t lost all at once. It’s chipped away in moments. So reclaim your power in the little choices—how much you share, how often you engage, and how clearly you say “no.” That’s where your protection lives, even when you’re stuck in the same room.
