When someone says they’re not doing very well, it’s not always easy to know what to say back to them.
You want to help, but you also don’t want to say the wrong thing or make it worse (both of which are far too easy). Of course, the reality is that you don’t need to have all the answers—you just need to respond with care, patience, and presence. If you want to show up in a way that’s safe and supportive, consider saying these things. They really can make a positive difference, or at least make the other person feel a little less alone.
1. “Thanks for telling me — I’m really glad you said something.”
It takes a lot of strength for someone to admit they’re struggling. Starting with appreciation reminds them that they’re not a burden and that speaking up was the right move. Even if you’re not sure what to say next, this phrase reassures them that they’re not alone in what they’re feeling. It helps break the silence without rushing into trying to fix everything (which you probably wouldn’t be able to do anyway).
2. “Do you want to talk about what’s going on, or just sit together for a bit?”
Giving them a choice takes the pressure off. Some people want to vent, others just need someone nearby who won’t ask too many questions. This gives them space to decide what feels right without feeling like they have to perform or explain everything immediately. Sometimes quiet company is more powerful than a conversation.
3. “You don’t need to have the right words. I’ll listen anyway.”
When someone’s overwhelmed, it’s common for them to feel like they can’t even describe what’s wrong. Letting them know they can speak messily, or not at all, can be incredibly comforting. It removes the pressure to sound coherent or polished. It gives them room to be real, even if that means silence, tears, or half-sentences.
4. “Whatever it is, you don’t have to go through it alone.”
You’re not promising to fix everything by saying this. Instead, it’s just about offering presence. When someone feels isolated in their pain, hearing this can crack open a little bit of hope. It’s a calm reminder that you’re staying by their side, even if they’re not sure how to accept the help yet. Knowing you’ll stick around makes it safer for them to open up over time.
5. “I might not fully understand, but I’m here with you.”
Trying to relate too quickly can sometimes feel invalidating. Instead of saying “I know how you feel,” this response offers empathy without assuming anything. It’s okay not to have a shared experience. What matters more is your willingness to stand with them in what they’re going through, even if you can’t completely relate.
6. “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”
Rushing someone to talk or feel better often backfires. Letting them move at their own pace is one of the kindest things you can offer. This helps lower their guard, and it shows that your care isn’t conditional on how quickly they bounce back or how well they express themselves. They have space to feel things as they come to them and work through things without pressure, and that’s a major gift.
7. “Is there anything that would feel helpful right now?”
You’re not pushing them to solve everything here; you’re giving them a tiny bit of control when everything else feels out of reach. They might not know the answer, and that’s okay too. Just asking the question opens the door for them to think about their needs in a gentle, supported way. If there is anything that springs to mind that they or you can do, they at least know you’re willing, and they don’t have to be shy about asking.
8. “You don’t have to explain it all. I believe you.”
When someone is in pain, they often feel the need to justify or prove it, especially if they’re used to being misunderstood. This response cuts through that pressure. It says, “You’re allowed to feel this way. I trust what you’re feeling, even if I don’t see the full picture.” That kind of trust is incredibly healing.
9. “You matter, and not just when you’re doing well.”
Source: Unsplash This hits deeper than it seems. So many people feel like their value comes from being okay, being productive, or being the strong one. Hearing that they still matter when they’re low reminds them that their worth isn’t tied to their mood. It gives them permission to just be, without performing wellness. Giving them the space to be vulnerable and not so strong is one of the best ways of showing care.
10. “Do you want me to just listen, or do you want advice?”
Sometimes we jump straight into problem-solving because we think that’s what’s needed. The thing is, most of the time, people just want to feel heard, not fixed. Giving them the choice makes the space safer and more respectful. It helps you support them in the way that actually feels good to them, not just the way you think it should.
11. “It’s okay if you don’t feel okay today.”
This simple phrase normalises what they’re going through. It tells them their feelings are allowed, even if they’re uncomfortable, messy, or confusing. You’re not rushing them to feel better. You’re giving them room to feel what’s already there. That’s often the first step toward actual healing.
12. “I care about you—you don’t have to do anything to earn that.”
When someone’s struggling, they might feel like they’re a burden or like they’re failing in some way. This sentence reminds them that your care isn’t performance-based. It’s one of the most reassuring things someone can hear when they feel low. You’re not waiting for them to be okay to care. You care because they’re human, not because they’re doing great.
13. “You’re allowed to fall apart sometimes.”
People often try to hold it together for everyone around them, even when they’re barely holding on. This response gives them permission to let go of that pressure, at least for a moment. Letting someone fall apart, and staying beside them while they do, can be more powerful than anything you say. It reminds them that being loved doesn’t require being perfect.
14. “Let’s not pretend you’re fine if you’re not.”
This isn’t about calling them out—it’s about inviting honesty without judgement. Sometimes people are stuck in default mode, pretending they’re okay because they think they have to be. Letting them know they don’t have to fake it opens the door for real connection, and if they’re not ready to talk, they’ll at least know you see them.
15. “Want to do something low-pressure together?”
Talking isn’t the only way to show support. Offering to hang out quietly, go for a walk, or watch something together gives them a break without asking for emotional energy. It can be comforting just to have someone around who isn’t demanding anything. Sometimes, shared silence is more helpful than any deep conversation.
16. “I’m checking in because you matter to me, not because I need you to feel better right away.”
This takes the pressure off them to reassure you. A lot of people worry that opening up means they have to manage how other people respond, which adds even more weight to what they’re feeling. This one says, “I’m here for you, no strings attached.” It tells them that you’re reaching out with care, not an agenda, and that can make all the difference.
