If you’ve experienced trauma in your life, you likely know all too well just how much it can stick with you, no many how many years have passed.
A lot of times, you probably convince yourself that you’ve moved past the terrible experiences you have. However, there are still certain triggers that crop up and knock you off-balance, making you realise that you still have work to do. Here are some common triggers many people who’ve been through trauma experience, and what you need to work through to resolve them.
1. You’re scared of being left behind.
If you always worry that your partner is going to leave you or that your friends are suddenly going to decide they don’t like you or want you in their life, this could be down to a serious fear of rejection or abandonment. Maybe you lost someone important to you when you were younger, or someone in your life constantly threatened to leave you. Now, you can’t help but think everyone will do that to you.
2. Any feedback, even constructive, feels like criticism.
This is often the effect of growing up with extremely critical parents. If the people who raised you never had anything positive to say to you and always nitpicked what you said, did, thought, felt, or even wore, you likely developed a knee-jerk defensive reaction as a way to protect yourself. The thing is, sometimes people really are trying to help!
3. You feel like you don’t matter to the people who matter to you.
If you grew up with parents who were emotionally or even physically unavailable, you might feel unimportant to the people you care about even today. Because you likely felt that you didn’t matter to your parents, you assume that your friends or your partner are also keeping you at arm’s length and don’t really care whether you’re in their lives or not.
4. Raised voices or stern looks fill you with anxiety.
If the person or people who raised you were unpredictable, abusive, or even simply intimidating, you’re bound to be triggered by similar behaviours as an adult. People shouting when they’re angry or even looking at you in a certain way can trigger those same feelings of fear you had when you were smaller and unable to protect yourself.
5. Loud noises or environments make you feel overwhelmed.
Being triggered by loud noises or busy environments often stems from growing up in a chaotic environment. Maybe your caregivers played music all hours of the night or threw wild parties while you were trying to sleep. You never felt like you had peace and calm, so experiencing any inkling of this chaos as an adult brings those old feelings flooding back.
6. Being told what to do fills you with anger and makes you want to rebel.
You’re an adult and can make your own choices in life now, but there are still times when you’ll need to be able to take direction from someone else. If this infuriates you or immediately makes you want to do the opposite of what’s being asked of you, it’s likely that you grew up in an environment where you didn’t get much of a say in your own life and your every action was controlled.
7. You never feel worthy or good enough.
Source: Unsplash One of the most toxic dynamics for a kid to grow up in is one in which they feel they have to “perform” in order to earn their parents’ love. If you often felt that no effort or accomplishment was good enough for the people who raised you, your sense of self-worth might be on the floor.
8. You’re always worried that someone is upset with you.
If your parents were extremely harsh and lashed out at even the most minor infraction, you probably came to believe that everything you did was wrong and bound to upset them. It’s possible that you carried this into adulthood and now worry that saying or doing pretty much anything will make people angry with you or not want you around.
9. You feel like you’re a burden to everyone.
Maybe your needs were ignored when you were a kid, or you were made to feel ashamed for needing pretty much anything, you likely grew up feeling like a burden to the people who were raising you. That feeling is obviously still with you, leading you to feel guilty for just being a human being. You’re allowed to need things, and to ask for help and support.
10. You feel guilty for spending money on yourself.
If you experienced poverty when you were growing up, it makes sense that you would develop a scarcity mindset. Even if you’re doing well financially today, the scarcity mindset you likely developed as a child has stuck with you, and you feel guilty for treating yourself to something nice or even buying necessities like new clothes or shoes.
11. You often feel invalidated or dismissed.
As a kid, you weren’t allowed to express your feelings. When you did, your parents accused you of being too sensitive, or maybe they simply told you to suck it up and get on with things. Now, you always feel dismissed or invalidated by people, even those who truly love and want to support you. Your defence mechanism is keeping you from getting the love and acceptance you deeply crave.
