The word “narcissist” gets thrown around a lot — so much so that the actual meaning of the word appears to have got lost.
The truth is that narcissism isn’t just being self-centred or gaslighting people to get your way. There are a number of problematic behaviours narcissists are guilty of that are damaging to anyone they come in contact with. Here are a few to be aware of.
1. They have an inflated sense of self-importance.
They constantly brag about their achievements, talents, and possessions, often exaggerating or totally making up stories to impress people. They believe they’re better than everyone else and deserve special treatment. Their sense of entitlement can be overwhelming and leave you feeling unimportant or even invisible when you’re around them.
2. They crave endless admiration and validation.
They need constant praise and reassurance to fuel their fragile ego. They fish for compliments and become upset or angry if they don’t receive the attention they believe they deserve. Their need for external validation can be exhausting and emotionally draining for those around them.
3. They have zero empathy for other people.
They struggle to understand or care about other people’s feelings. They dismiss your worries, minimise your wins, or even mock your vulnerabilities. Their self-absorption makes it pretty much impossible for them to connect with anyone on a deeper level.
4. They exploit and manipulate people to achieve their own ends.
They see people as tools to be used for their own benefit. They guilt-trip you, gaslight you, or play the victim to get what they want. Their relationships are often transactional and one-sided, leaving you feeling used and unappreciated.
5. They’re jealous of people but act like everyone is jealous of them.
They’re constantly comparing themselves to everyone else, and feel threatened by anyone they perceive as more successful or attractive. They totally dismiss people’s achievements as trivial and try to sabotage their happiness. At the same time, they actually believe everyone is jealous of them, even if there’s no evidence to support this belief.
6. They have a sense of entitlement and expect special treatment.
They believe they deserve preferential treatment and become angry or resentful if they don’t get their way. They jump ahead in queues, demand special favours, or expect people to cater to their every whim. Their sense of entitlement can be frustrating and create tension in relationships.
7. They’re arrogant and haughty in their behaviour or attitude.
They often come across as condescending and dismissive, believing they’re always right and their opinions are superior. They interrupt you, talk over you, or roll their eyes when you disagree with them. Their arrogance can be off-putting and make it difficult to have a meaningful conversation with them.
8. They have fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
They’re preoccupied with grandiose dreams of achieving fame, fortune, or the perfect relationship. They spend hours daydreaming about their future success or fantasising about being admired by everyone. These fantasies can be a way of escaping reality and compensating for their underlying insecurities.
9. They react negatively to criticism or any perceived slight.
Even constructive feedback is seen as a personal attack, and they respond with anger, defensiveness, or even retaliation. They have a fragile ego that can’t handle any challenge to their self-image. Their hypersensitivity makes it hard to have honest conversations or address any issues in the relationship.
10. They take advantage of people without feeling any guilt or remorse.
They might borrow money and never repay it, break promises without a second thought, or use people’s kindness for their own gain. They lack a moral compass and have no qualms about exploiting people to achieve their own goals.
11. They believe they’re special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).
They surround themselves with people they perceive as equally exceptional or successful. They name-drop, brag about their connections, or dismiss anyone they consider beneath them. Their elitist attitude isn’t just annoying, it’s alienating.
12. They’re preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
They’re always fantasising about being admired by everyone. These fantasies can be a way of escaping reality and compensating for their underlying insecurities. They often struggle to accept their limitations and live in a world of their own making.
13. They require excessive admiration.
Their need for validation is insatiable. They want constant compliments, recognition, and approval from everyone around them. They fish for compliments, post endless selfies on social media, and brag non-stop about how great their life is.
14. They have a very strong sense of entitlement.
They believe they deserve special treatment and become angry or resentful if they don’t get their way. They just don’t understand that they’re on the same level as everyone else, and they refuse to accept it when you point it out.
15. They’re interpersonally exploitative.
They use people to achieve their own ends without any regard for the other person’s feelings or well-being. They manipulate, deceive, or guilt-trip people to get what they want, and they have no qualms about it.
