Affirmations tend to be highly recommended as a way to increase confidence or create positive change in a person’s life, but for a lot of people, they just don’t work.
Repeating phrases like “I am successful” might sound like a good idea, but if they don’t feel believable, they can fall flat. People who truly believe in the power of a personal mantra might insist that you just have to keep at it and eventually the good stuff will start flowing into your life, but for those who’ve been there, done that, they know just what a waste of time that is, at least for themselves. If you’ve found yourself wondering why positive affirmations feel so hollow, here’s why — as well as a few suggestions for what you can try instead to actually get results.
1. They clash with your current reality.
Saying things like “I am confident” when you’re anything but, or “I am wealthy” when you’re broke can feel like lying to yourself. The bigger the gap between the affirmation and your current situation, the more disconnected it can feel. The mismatch can make affirmations seem hollow rather than inspiring. A more effective approach could be to focus on gradual progress instead. For example, try, “I’m working on becoming more confident” or “I’m taking steps toward improving my financial situation.” These kinds of statements are grounded in your reality while still moving you in the right direction.
2. They skip over how you’re really feeling.
Jumping straight to a positive affirmation can sometimes feel like ignoring what’s actually going on. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, repeating “I am calm and in control” might feel more frustrating than helpful. Ignoring emotions doesn’t make them go away; it often makes them harder to deal with. Instead, start with acknowledging how you feel. You could say, “I’m feeling stressed right now, and that’s okay — I can handle this.” Giving yourself permission to be honest about your emotions can make space for genuine growth and help affirmations feel more supportive.
3. They don’t feel personal.
Generic phrases like “I am powerful” or “I am enough” might not resonate because they don’t connect to your specific situation. Without that personal relevance, it’s easy for affirmations to feel like empty words rather than something meaningful to you. Customising affirmations to reflect your life can make them more impactful. Instead of “I am successful,” you might try, “I’m proud of how I handled that stressful project at work today.” Tailoring affirmations in this way makes them feel more real and grounded in your experiences.
4. They feel like meaningless repetition.
When affirmations are repeated without much thought, they can start to feel robotic. Repeating something over and over, like “I am happy” might feel pointless if it’s not accompanied by any real engagement or reflection on what those words mean. A simple tweak is to slow down and reflect on what you’re saying. Writing affirmations down, saying them out loud, or even thinking about specific examples where they could apply can make them feel less mechanical and more sincere.
5. They don’t address the deeper issues.
Sometimes affirmations miss the mark because they don’t deal with what’s really going on. Saying “I love myself” might not work if you’re grappling with self-doubt that’s been there for years. The affirmation skips over the root cause, leaving it feeling unhelpful. Instead, take time to explore what’s just under the surface. Ask yourself why you’re struggling with self-doubt, and try to tackle that head-on. Using affirmations that reflect small steps forward, like “I’m learning to accept myself as I am,” can feel more manageable and authentic.
6. They’re too simplistic for complicated situations.
Some affirmations feel too general to capture what you’re dealing with. For example, “I am enough” might not resonate if you’re feeling overwhelmed by a specific challenge at work or in your personal life. It can feel like the affirmation is trying to oversimplify something that’s anything but simple. Instead of relying on sweeping statements, consider breaking them down. For instance, “I handled that tough situation at work well today” or “I’m proud of the effort I put in” acknowledges the complexity of your experience while still being encouraging.
7. They can backfire and make you feel worse.
If an affirmation feels too far from the truth, it can end up reminding you of what you think you’re lacking. Saying “I am confident” when you’re feeling anything but can highlight your insecurity instead of helping you overcome it. One alternative is to focus on the process rather than the outcome. Try affirmations like, “I’m learning to trust myself more every day.” This kind of statement is easier to believe and focuses on growth rather than perfection.
8. They feel awkward or unnatural.
For many people, saying affirmations out loud can feel strange or forced. If the words don’t align with how you think or talk about yourself, they’re unlikely to resonate. The more awkward it feels, the less likely you are to stick with it. Instead, use language that feels comfortable and natural to you. If “I am strong” feels odd, try something like, “I’ve handled tough situations before, and I’ll get through this one too.” Using words that fit your personality can make affirmations feel more genuine.
9. They focus too much on the outcome.
Affirmations often target the end goal, like “I am successful,” without acknowledging the journey it takes to get there. If you’re not close to achieving that goal, the affirmation might feel discouraging rather than motivating. Flip the focus to the steps you’re taking instead. For example, “I’m working on building a career I love” or “I’m taking small steps toward my goals” keeps the focus on progress, which can feel more attainable and encouraging.
10. They lack action.
Affirmations alone can feel ineffective if they’re not paired with real-world actions. Repeating “I am healthy” won’t make much of a difference if your habits don’t align with that intention. Without action, affirmations can feel like empty promises. Pair affirmations with specific, actionable steps. For example, say, “I’m improving my health by taking a walk today.” Linking affirmations to real behaviours helps reinforce them and makes them feel more purposeful.
11. They ignore obstacles that are pretty much inevitable in life.
Affirmations like “I am unstoppable” may sound bold, but they often overlook the realities of life’s challenges. When obstacles arise, these overly optimistic statements can feel disconnected from your lived experience. A more balanced approach might be, “I face challenges, but I’m learning how to overcome them.” This recognises the difficulties you face while still maintaining a sense of strength and possibility.
12. They unintentionally promote perfectionism.
Statements like “I always get it right” or “I never make mistakes” can set impossible standards. Instead of building confidence, they can create pressure to live up to an unrealistic ideal, leaving you feeling inadequate when things don’t go perfectly. Affirmations that embrace imperfection, like “I’m learning from my mistakes,” feel more supportive and realistic. They encourage growth and resilience rather than adding unnecessary pressure.
13. They lack emotional connection.
Affirmations can feel empty if they don’t evoke any real emotion. Without that emotional connection, they’re just words that don’t stick. You might find yourself saying them without truly believing or feeling them. To add emotional depth, try visualising a specific scenario where your affirmation applies. For example, while saying “I am confident,” imagine yourself succeeding in a situation where you usually feel unsure. This makes the affirmation feel more real and emotionally engaging.
14. They don’t reflect what matters to you.
If an affirmation doesn’t align with your personal values or priorities, it’s unlikely to resonate. For instance, if you’re not driven by material success, affirmations about wealth might feel irrelevant or uninspiring. Focus on affirmations that align with what truly matters to you. If kindness is a core value, something like “I’m proud of the kindness I bring to my relationships” will feel more authentic. Affirmations that reflect your values are far more likely to feel meaningful and effective.
