By Going out of your way to make other people’s lives easier seems like a noble pursuit, but you’re really just setting yourself up for failure by doing this.
Saying yes when you want to say no and putting everyone else’s needs and desires before your own is a recipe for misery. It’s natural to want to be helpful and kind, but when does it cross the line? Here’s why it’s time to stop being a doormat and start prioritising yourself.
1. You’re constantly exhausted from trying to please everyone.
When you’re always putting everyone else first, you’re likely running on empty. Your energy is finite, and if you’re spending it all on other people’s needs and wants, there’s nothing left for you. This constant state of exhaustion can lead to burnout, affecting your physical and mental health.
2. Your own goals and dreams take a back seat.
Every time you say yes to someone else’s request, you’re potentially saying no to your own aspirations. Whether it’s working late to cover for a colleague or babysitting when you’d planned to work on your side project, consistently prioritising everyone else means your own goals get pushed further and further away.
3. You start to lose your sense of self.
When you’re always morphing to fit what other people want or need, it’s easy to lose touch with who you really are. Your own preferences, desires, and even personality can get buried under the weight of other people’s expectations. Over time, you might start to wonder what you actually enjoy or believe in.
4. People start to take advantage of your kindness.
Unfortunately, some people will exploit your willingness to help. They might start to expect your assistance as a given, rather than appreciating it as a favour. This can lead to increasingly unreasonable requests and a lack of reciprocation, leaving you feeling used and undervalued.
5. Your relationships become unbalanced and unfulfilling.
Healthy relationships are built on give and take. If you’re always the one giving, it creates an imbalance that can breed resentment. You might end up in friendships or partnerships where your needs are consistently overlooked, leading to dissatisfaction and loneliness, even when surrounded by people.
6. You struggle with setting and maintaining boundaries.
Constantly bending over backward makes it hard to establish and enforce personal boundaries. It gets harder and harder to say no or to express when something makes you uncomfortable. This lack of boundaries can lead to situations where you feel violated or disrespected.
7. Your self-esteem takes a hit.
By putting yourself last, you’re sending yourself the message that your needs and wants are less important. Over time, this can destroy your self-esteem. You might start to believe that you’re only valuable when you’re being useful to other people, rather than being inherently worthy of respect and care.
8. You become resentful towards the people you’re helping.
It’s natural to feel bitter when your efforts aren’t appreciated or reciprocated. This resentment can poison your relationships, making you feel angry or frustrated with the very people you’re trying to please. It’s a lose-lose situation that leaves everyone feeling worse.
9. Your stress levels go through the roof.
Trying to meet everyone’s expectations and needs is incredibly stressful. You’re constantly worrying about letting people down or not doing enough. This chronic stress can have serious impacts on your physical and mental health, from headaches and insomnia to anxiety and depression.
10. You miss out on the joy of authenticity.
There’s a unique pleasure in being true to yourself, in expressing your genuine thoughts and feelings. When you’re always bending to other people’s wills, you miss out on this joy. The relief and satisfaction of saying “no” when you mean it, or expressing an unpopular opinion, become foreign concepts.
11. You become trapped in a cycle of people-pleasing.
The more you bend over backward, the more people come to expect it from you. It becomes a self-perpetuating cycle that’s hard to break. You start doing more and more for other people, while feeling less and less satisfied with your life.
12. Your decision-making skills become compromised.
When you’re used to deferring to everyone else’s wishes, it becomes harder to make decisions for yourself. You become paralysed by simple choices, always wondering what other people would want you to do rather than considering your own preferences.
13. You miss out on opportunities for personal growth.
Source: Unsplash Challenging situations and conflicts, while uncomfortable, are often opportunities for personal growth. By always smoothing things over and avoiding confrontation, you miss out on chances to develop assertiveness, problem-solving skills, and emotional resilience.
14. Your physical health can suffer.
The stress and exhaustion of constant people-pleasing can have real physical consequences. From a weakened immune system to neglecting your own health needs in favour of everyone else’s, your physical health can take a serious hit when you’re always putting yourself last.
15. You lose people’s respect — as well as your self-respect.
Source: Unsplash Ironically, by always bending over backward, you might lose the very thing you’re looking for — respect. People often respect those who can assert themselves and maintain healthy boundaries. More importantly, you might lose respect for yourself, seeing yourself as weak or easily manipulated.
