Narcissists are notoriously draining, and being around them will inevitably wear you out.
Their manipulation tactics are constant and often overwhelming, but even getting to a point that you see through their toxic behaviour and start emotionally and mentally checking out doesn’t alleviate the sheer exhaustion you feel around them. Here’s why the narcissist in your life (though really, it would be better to get rid of them, don’t you think?) is such an energy suck.
1. Your every word feels calculated.
You’ve started watching every word that comes out of your mouth. Simple conversations become mental gymnastics as you try to predict how they’ll react. Your brain’s always scanning for potential triggers — will mentioning your promotion set them off? Should you skip talking about the compliment you got at work? This constant state of high alert leaves you mentally drained by the end of each day.
2. Everything becomes your fault somehow.
Nothing’s ever their fault — somehow it always circles back to you. Did you forget to remind them about their dentist appointment? That’s why they missed it. Did they show up late for dinner? You should’ve known they’d hit traffic. This endless deflection of responsibility means you’re constantly carrying the weight of things that aren’t even yours to carry.
3. Your successes trigger their crises.
Getting excited about good things in your life feels complicated now. Share news about a job offer, and suddenly, they’re sick and need attention. Mention your upcoming holiday, and they’ll list all their recent hardships. You’ve started downplaying your achievements just to avoid the drama that follows, and honestly, it’s exhausting keeping your light dim.
4. Their life is an endless string of emergencies.
Just when things feel calm, another crisis explodes. Their boss is out to get them. Their friend betrayed them. The barista obviously had it in for them this morning. Each situation requires your full attention and sympathy, and the stories get bigger and more dramatic with each retelling.
5. You’ve become their emotional dustbin.
They dump their feelings all over you but never stick around to help clean up the mess. Bad day at work? You’ll hear about it for hours. Your bad day? They’re suddenly busy or turn it into a conversation about their experiences. You’ve become their emotional dumping ground, soaking up their stress while yours just keeps piling up.
6. Yesterday’s right is today’s wrong.
What made them happy yesterday sends them into a spiral today. The rules keep changing without warning — the support they demanded last week is now “suffocating.” You’re constantly trying to figure out the new normal, only to have it shift again as soon as you’ve got your footing.
7. Your memories don’t match their version.
You find yourself questioning your own memory of events. Did that conversation really happen that way? Were you actually being unreasonable? The constant second-guessing makes your head spin, and you’re tired of defending your version of reality.
8. Your other friendships are disappearing.
Your other relationships have started wilting. Between managing their crises and recovering from them, you barely have energy left for anyone else. When you do catch up with friends, you realise you’ve spent most of your time talking about the narcissist’s latest drama.
9. They must be centre stage always.
They need to be the main character in every situation. At dinner, they monopolise the conversation. At parties, they create situations that put all eyes on them. Even in your private chats, they find ways to redirect attention back to themselves. It’s draining being a permanent audience member.
10. You need permission for basic choices.
You’ve started asking permission for normal things — seeing friends, making plans, spending your own money. Not because they explicitly demanded it, but because dealing with the fallout if you don’t is just too exhausting. Your independence has slowly slipped away, replaced by this endless need for approval.
11. Every interaction leaves you depleted.
After spending time with them, you feel completely drained. Even short phone calls leave you needing a nap. Your usual recharge activities don’t seem to work anymore, and you’re running on fumes most days.
12. Nothing you give is ever enough.
No matter how much support you provide, it’s never enough. You send paragraphs of encouragement, spend hours listening, rearrange your schedule to help — but they’ll focus on the one time you couldn’t pick up their call. This constant need to prove your loyalty is wearing you down to the bone.
13. Your self-care comes with their shame.
Taking time for yourself comes with a side of guilt. They’ve mastered making you feel bad about basic self-care. Want a quiet night in? They’ll remind you of all they’ve done for you. Need space? They’ll mention how everyone else abandons them too.
14. You can’t relax in their presence.
You can’t just exist around them — you need to be “on.” Showing the right amount of interest, giving the perfect responses, maintaining the exact right level of enthusiasm. This perpetual performance leaves you exhausted, craving moments where you can just be yourself without monitoring every reaction.
