A lot of people feel lonelier and more isolated as they get older, but this seems to hit men especially hard.
Per the Marmalade Trust, not only are men more likely to experience loneliness, they’re less likely to talk about it, which only furthers the painful feelings loneliness can bring. While this isn’t a universal experience, certain patterns in male friendships, life transitions, and societal expectations can leave men feeling alone in later years. Here’s why this happens — and what can be done about it.
1. They prioritised work over friendships.
For many men, their careers take centre stage for much of their lives. While extreme focus can bring financial stability, it often comes at the expense of maintaining close friendships. By retirement, the lack of a social network becomes painfully apparent, leaving them feeling isolated.
2. They relied heavily on their romantic partner for connection.
Some men lean on their spouse or partner as their primary emotional outlet, neglecting friendships outside the relationship. If the relationship ends through divorce, separation, or bereavement, they may find themselves without a strong support system to fall back on.
3. Male friendships tend to be activity-based.
Many men bond over shared activities like sports, hobbies, or work rather than deep emotional connection. While these bonds can be meaningful, they often fade when the activity is no longer part of their routine, such as after retirement or physical limitations due to ageing.
4. They avoided vulnerability in friendships.
Societal norms often discourage men from sharing their feelings or showing vulnerability, but that can lead to surface-level friendships that don’t provide the emotional support needed during tough times. As they age, the lack of meaningful connections becomes more apparent.
5. They moved frequently for work or family.
Relocating for career opportunities or family reasons can disrupt friendships. While some people maintain long-distance friendships, many men struggle to keep those bonds alive without regular, face-to-face interactions. Over time, these losses accumulate, leaving them without a local support network.
6. They relied on workplace relationships.
Work is often a key source of social interaction for men. When they retire, those daily interactions disappear, and many find it difficult to maintain connections with former colleagues. The loss of this built-in social structure can leave men feeling adrift.
7. They struggle to make new friends as adults.
Making friends as an adult can feel awkward and intimidating, especially for men who aren’t used to initiating connections. Without the natural social opportunities that come from school or work, many men find it challenging to build new friendships later in life.
8. They underestimate the importance of friendships.
While women often prioritise friendships as a source of emotional support, many men view them as optional or secondary to other responsibilities. Thinking this way can lead to a lack of investment in relationships, which takes a toll as they grow older.
9. Their social circles shrink over time.
Life events like moving, career changes, or losing loved ones naturally shrink social circles. For men who don’t actively nurture their friendships, these losses can leave them with few close connections by the time they reach later stages of life.
10. They face physical limitations or health challenges.
Health issues can make it harder for men to maintain their social lives, especially if they can no longer participate in the activities that once brought them together with friends. Limited mobility or chronic illnesses can further exacerbate feelings of isolation.
11. Divorce or separation can sever social ties.
In many cases, men lose social connections after a divorce or separation, especially if their partner was the one maintaining those relationships. Friends may feel the need to “choose sides,” leaving men with fewer connections after a breakup.
12. They find it harder to adapt to life transitions.
Major life transitions, such as retirement or becoming an empty nester, can leave men feeling purposeless and isolated. Women often adapt by leaning into their friendships, but men, who may lack this strong social network, often struggle to navigate these changes.
13. Societal norms discourage emotional closeness.
Traditional ideas of masculinity often discourage men from forming emotionally close friendships. Phrases like “man up” or “boys don’t cry” have long reinforced the idea that men should handle their struggles alone, which can lead to loneliness as they age.
14. They feel embarrassed to admit loneliness.
Loneliness carries a stigma, and many men are reluctant to admit they’re struggling with it, which ultimately prevents them from getting help or reaching out to other people, further deepening their isolation. Addressing the stigma is key to creating more connection.
15. They don’t prioritise maintaining relationships.
Friendships, like any relationship, require effort to nurture and sustain. Men who don’t make the time or effort to check in with friends, attend social events, or reach out for a chat may find their connections fading over time. By the time they realise the importance of these bonds, it can feel too late to rebuild them.
