Narcissists have a whole slew of tricks up their sleeves to manipulate and control their victims, and mirroring is one of their most toxic.
Because they’re so charming, their narcissism isn’t easy to spot at first. In fact, they’ll imitate you and pretend to be the most perfect person for you in the world, all to reel you in and get you under their control. They’ll pretend to have the same background and interests as you, to want the same things in a relationship, and to have the same goals for the future, even though it’s all rubbish. Here’s why they do this.
1. They’re emotional shapeshifters.
Narcissists are pros when it comes to adapting their personality. They’ll switch interests and behaviours in the blink of an eye. One minute they’re into rock climbing, the next they’re passionate about your love for baking. It’s a constantly changing act that can leave your head spinning.
2. They’re hunting for your approval.
By mimicking your interests and behaviours, they’re practically shouting for attention and admiration. It’s their way of saying, “Notice me! We’re so similar! Don’t you think I’m amazing?” They’re auditioning for the role of your ideal companion, ready to become whoever they think you desire.
3. They’re rushing the relationship.
Narcissists want instant results, and by pretending to be your perfect match, they’re trying to create an immediate bond. They’ll start finishing your sentences and insisting you’re “practically the same person” before you’ve even had a chance to truly get to know each other.
4. They’re missing a core identity.
Many narcissists struggle with their own sense of self. They’re undefined, waiting to adopt whatever traits they believe will win you over. It’s not about reflecting your personality; it’s about filling their own emptiness with bits of you.
5. They’re on a fact-finding mission.
Pretending to be just like you is their way of learning all your preferences, aversions, and weak spots. They’re collecting information to use later. Soon, they know your go-to comfort food, your childhood dreams, and that embarrassing story from your school days.
6. They’re aiming for ‘ideal partner’ status.
In their minds, becoming everything you’ve ever wanted means you’ll never leave. They’re trying to be the ultimate catch — whatever you need, they’ll claim to provide. Suddenly, your obscure hobby is their lifelong passion, too.
7. They’re laying groundwork for future tactics.
Once they’ve sold you on the idea that you’re two of a kind, it becomes easier to make you feel guilty later. “We’re so alike! How could you do this to me?” They’re setting the stage for emotional manipulation down the road.
8. They’re inflating their self-image.
By linking themselves to all your positive qualities, they’re giving themselves a confidence boost. They’re essentially trying to improve their own self-perception by borrowing yours.
9. They’re dodging potential rejection.
If they become your ‘ideal match’, they believe you can’t possibly turn them away. It’s their misguided strategy to avoid abandonment. They’re trying to become so crucial to you that leaving them would feel like losing a part of yourself.
10. They’re playing a long-term game.
This imitation isn’t just for short-term gain — it’s part of their extended plan to keep you invested. They’re creating a false sense of connection now, intending to secure your loyalty later.
11. They’re trying to feel complete.
Many narcissists feel hollow inside, so they’re attempting to fill that void with pieces of your personality. They’re not just copying your style; they’re trying to adopt your entire identity to feel whole.
12. They’re manufacturing closeness.
By mirroring you, they’re creating an illusion of intimacy that isn’t genuine. They’re constructing a relationship without real substance. You might eventually realise you don’t actually know the true person behind the act.
13. They’re avoiding self-reflection.
It’s easier for them to focus on becoming you than addressing their own issues. They’re engaged in an elaborate role-play instead of confronting their own reality.
14. They’re managing your perception.
By moulding themselves into your ideal match, they’re trying to control how you see them. They’re crafting a narrative where you two are meant to be together, regardless of whether you’re aware of it.
15. They’re craving constant affirmation.
Every positive reaction to their mirroring feeds their need for validation. They turn your approval into their primary source of self-worth. It’s an endless cycle of seeking your confirmation of their value.
16. They’re creating a sense of dependency.
By positioning themselves as your ‘other half’, they’re creating a dynamic where you feel incomplete without them. They’re aiming to become indispensable in your life.
17. They’re sidestepping real connection.
Ironically, by pretending to be your perfect match, they’re avoiding true intimacy. It’s all an act that prevents you from seeing their authentic self. They’re present in the relationship, but never as their true selves.
18. They’re living out a fantasy.
In their imagination, they’re experiencing the perfect relationship where they’ve met their ideal partner. The twist is that you’re not playing a role — you’re just being yourself. They’ve cast you in their personal fantasy without your knowledge or consent.
