Narcissistic abuse isn’t always obvious or overwhelming—it’s often subtle, manipulative, and drawn out over time.
For neurodivergent people, it can be especially hard to spot or escape from. Whether it’s autism, ADHD, or another condition under this umbrella, there are traits that can make someone more susceptible to being controlled, gaslit, or emotionally drained by narcissistic people. That doesn’t mean they’re weak. However, their way of processing, trust, and communication can be quietly taken advantage of. Here’s why it happens more than you might think.
1. Neurodivergent people have a tendency to take people at face value.
Many neurodivergent people value honesty and tend to assume other people are being straightforward too. Narcissists, on the other hand, often rely on lies, half-truths, or charm to get what they want. That mismatch can be dangerous. When you naturally believe people mean what they say, it’s harder to spot manipulation early on. You’re more likely to give someone the benefit of the doubt, even when their actions don’t match their words.
2. They often struggle with reading social cues.
If you find it hard to interpret tone, facial expressions, or subtle emotional changes, a narcissist’s passive-aggressive behaviour might not register right away. You might not realise you’re being insulted, dismissed, or emotionally punished. This can lead to you staying in situations longer than you should, trying to “fix” things without understanding how deeply the dynamic is harming you.
3. They have a high tolerance for discomfort.
Many neurodivergent people grow up having to mask, adapt, and tolerate uncomfortable environments just to get by. That makes it easier to dismiss red flags as “just something to deal with.” Instead of recognising that something’s wrong, you might rationalise it away or blame yourself for not handling things better. Narcissists thrive on this kind of self-doubt.
4. They struggle to trust their own instincts at times.
If you’ve been misunderstood or gaslit for your differences in the past, you might already struggle to trust your own perceptions. Narcissists use that to their advantage, convincing you that you’re overreacting or being too sensitive. This makes it easier for them to rewrite reality and harder for you to stand up for yourself when something feels off. The more they push your boundaries, the more you might question your right to have any.
5. They have a strong desire to follow rules or “do the right thing.”
Narcissists often twist your values against you. If you’ve been taught to always be kind, cooperative, or forgiving, they’ll use those ideals to guilt you into accepting mistreatment. They might paint you as selfish or dramatic for calling out their behaviour—leaving you second-guessing yourself and trying harder to be the “bigger person.”
6. They tend to be conflict-avoidant due to past experiences.
If confrontation feels overwhelming or risky because of past trauma or sensory sensitivity, you might avoid pushing back. Narcissists notice this and use it to their advantage. They know you’ll probably let things slide rather than start a fight—so they keep pushing the line further, knowing you’re less likely to stop them.
7. They feel a deep need to belong.
Many neurodivergent people have experienced isolation or exclusion. So when someone finally shows interest, it can feel intensely validating, even if that person turns out to be toxic. Narcissists often love-bomb or mirror you early on, creating a false sense of safety and connection. That rush of finally feeling seen can make it harder to walk away when things start to sour.
8. They might struggle to identify manipulation.
Gaslighting and emotional control can be hard to recognise, especially if your brain tends to focus on logic or concrete facts. Narcissists work in grey areas—twisting conversations, moving goalposts, and denying things they said. When you’re trying to make sense of emotional chaos with a logical lens, it’s easy to get tangled in their version of events and start doubting your own.
9. Neurodivergent people often have an empathetic and forgiving nature.
Despite stereotypes, many neurodivergent people feel deeply and care intensely about other people. That empathy can make you more likely to excuse bad behaviour if someone appears wounded or misunderstood themselves. Narcissists often weaponise sympathy, sharing just enough vulnerability to keep you hooked. They’ll use their pain to justify hurting you—then expect you to stay because “you understand them.”
10. They may hyperfocus on fixing the relationship.
It’s common for neurodivergent people to hyperfocus on specific problems, especially when something feels unresolved. You might become fixated on repairing the relationship or figuring out what went wrong. Meanwhile, the narcissist keeps moving the goalposts or creating new chaos, keeping you stuck in a loop where you’re doing all the work—and they take none of the blame.
11. They sometimes feel around their own needs.
If you’ve been made to feel “too much” or “too different” your whole life, it’s easy to feel like your needs are a burden. Narcissists pick up on that and reinforce it, subtly making you feel guilty for asking for basic respect. They’ll position themselves as the one doing you a favour by being with you, flipping the dynamic so you’re constantly proving your worth instead of recognising theirs.
12. They often experience fear of abandonment or rejection.
If rejection sensitivity is part of your experience, narcissists will use that fear to control you. They might give and withdraw affection unpredictably, keeping you anxious and desperate to stay in their good graces. That sense of emotional whiplash can make you cling to the relationship even tighter, hoping to get back to the early days of warmth that were never real to begin with.
13. It’s possible that they’re unfamiliar with healthy relational boundaries.
If no one ever taught you how to set and enforce boundaries, or if people in your past ignored them anyway, you might not notice when yours are being crossed—or know what to do when they are. Narcissists thrive on blurred lines. The less confident you are in saying “no,” the more control they have over how much of yourself you give away.
14. They tend to blame themselves instead of recognising abuse.
Because of years of masking, criticism, or being misunderstood, you might assume problems in the relationship are always your fault. Narcissists encourage this mindset by constantly pointing out your “flaws.” The more you internalise their narrative, the harder it becomes to see their behaviour for what it is—emotional manipulation and control, not your personal failure.
15. They stay longer because they want to understand, not escape.
Many neurodivergent people are naturally curious and want to make sense of things. You might stay in the relationship hoping to understand the narcissist’s behaviour, or figure out how to fix it logically. However, abuse doesn’t make sense. It’s not about misunderstanding—it’s about power. The longer you try to decode it, the longer they stay in control. Sometimes, walking away is the clearest answer you’ll ever get.
