Giving someone the silent treatment because you’re mad and want to punish them is incredibly immature.
Maybe that explains why narcissists love it so much. In their minds, icing you out when you dare to cross them (read: even slightly disagree with them) is the natural response. They may even completely stop talking to you when you thought you were still on good terms! Here’s why they do this so often.
1. It gives them a sense of control over the relationship.
Narcissists crave power and control. By withholding communication, they can dictate the terms of interaction, which allows them to feel in charge, even if it’s at the expense of their partner’s mental or emotional health. The silent treatment becomes a tool for maintaining dominance in the relationship.
2. It plays on their victim’s fear of abandonment.
Many people have a deep-seated fear of being left or rejected, and narcissists exploit this vulnerability by using silence to create uncertainty and anxiety. You might become desperate to reconnect, which then gives the narcissist the upper hand. While absolutely awful, this tactic is especially effective if the victim has a history of abandonment issues.
3. It allows them to avoid accountability.
When they’re criticised or confronted about their behaviour, narcissists often resort to the silent treatment. By refusing to engage, they can dodge responsibility for their actions. It’s an avoidance tactic that helps them maintain their inflated self-image and avoid admitting any wrongdoing.
4. It’s a form of passive-aggressive punishment.
Narcissists use the silent treatment as a way to express their displeasure without directly confronting issues. It’s a subtle form of punishment that can leave you feeling guilty or confused, often without knowing exactly what they’ve done wrong, and that’s exactly what they want.
5. It creates a cycle of intermittent reinforcement.
By alternating between periods of attention and silence, narcissists create a powerful psychological loop. You become conditioned to crave the narcissist’s attention, making you more likely to tolerate poor treatment just to end the silence. It’s a highly addictive cycle that can be hard to break.
6. It lets them play the victim later.
After a period of silence, narcissists might claim they needed space or time to think. They may even accuse you of being needy or oversensitive. Staging a role reversal means they get to deflect blame and paint themselves as the one who’s been done wrong, further manipulating the situation to their advantage.
7. It’s a low-effort way to upset you.
The silent treatment requires no real effort on the narcissist’s part, yet it can cause a lot of pain to the recipient. In their eyes, it’s an efficient method of hurting their victim without having to engage in direct conflict or expend much energy. This passive approach suits the narcissist’s tendency to avoid genuine emotional labour.
8. It leaves the victim second-guessing themselves.
When a narcissist ices you out, you might start to question your own actions and worth. All this self-doubt plays right into the narcissist’s hands, as it keeps you off-balance and more susceptible to manipulation. The constant uncertainty can (and usually does) destroy your self-esteem over time.
9. It creates a power imbalance in communication.
By controlling when and how communication occurs, the narcissist establishes an unfair dynamic. They get to decide when the silence ends, leaving you in a reactive position. The imbalance reinforces the narcissist’s sense of superiority and control over the relationship.
10. It’s a way to withhold affection and approval.
Narcissists often use affection and approval as currencies in relationships. The silent treatment means they get to withhold these emotional rewards, making the victim work harder for their attention. This creates a dynamic where you’re constantly seeking the narcissist’s validation.
11. It can be used to manipulate other people into making concessions.
The upset caused by the silent treatment can drive victims to make compromises or concessions just to end the silence. Narcissists exploit this, using periods of silence to indirectly coerce you into giving them what they want. It’s a subtle form of emotional blackmail that’s extremely effective.
12. It lets them avoid genuine intimacy.
True emotional intimacy requires vulnerability, something narcissists struggle with. The silent treatment provides a buffer, so they can avoid deep, meaningful conversations that might expose their insecurities. It’s a defence mechanism that keeps you at arm’s length while maintaining the appearance of a relationship.
13. It’s a way to assert dominance without physical aggression.
The silent treatment is a form of emotional violence that doesn’t leave visible scars. It allows narcissists to assert their dominance and control without resorting to physical aggression. This makes it a particularly insidious tool, as its impact is often underestimated or dismissed by other people.
14. It exploits the human need for closure.
Most people have a natural desire for resolution and closure in conflicts. The silent treatment denies this, leaving issues unresolved and emotions raw. Narcissists use this to keep their victims in a state of emotional limbo, always seeking a resolution that the narcissist controls.
15. It can be used to gaslight you.
When confronted about their silence, narcissists might deny it ever happened or downplay its duration and impact. It’s a gaslighting technique can make you question your own perceptions and memories, which then further destroys your trust in your own judgement.
16. It’s a way to avoid taking responsibility for the relationship.
Healthy relationships require effort and compromise from both people. By using the silent treatment, narcissists avoid having to put in this work. They can stay emotionally detached while still maintaining the benefits of the relationship, leaving their partner to shoulder the emotional burden.
17. It can be used to create a trauma bond.
The cycle of silent treatment followed by reconciliation can create a strong emotional bond, similar to trauma bonding. The relief you feel when the silence ends can be mistaken for love or affection, making it harder for you to recognise the abusive nature of the relationship.
18. It allows them to maintain their false self-image.
Narcissists often have a fragile self-esteem hidden behind a grandiose facade. The silent treatment allows them to avoid situations that might challenge this false self-image. By controlling interactions through silence, they can maintain their illusion of perfection and superiority, avoiding any threats to their carefully constructed self-image.
