Do you ever feel like you keep attracting partners who are emotionally unavailable, needy, or just plain drama-filled? Like you’re a magnet for broken people? It’s neither a coincidence nor about bad luck. There are reasons why you might be attracting this type of person, and understanding those reasons is the first step towards breaking the cycle.
1. You have a saviour complex.
Deep down, you might believe that you can “fix” people, that your love and support can heal their wounds and make them whole. This is a noble sentiment, but it can also be a trap. If you constantly look for partners who need rescuing, you might be neglecting your own needs and overlooking red flags in the early stages of the relationship. It’s important to remember that you can’t save everyone, and you shouldn’t have to.
2. You’re attracted to intensity and drama.
Sometimes, the initial excitement of a whirlwind romance can be mistaken for love. If you’re drawn to people who create drama, chaos, or emotional intensity, you might be overlooking more stable and healthy partners. This attraction to drama could stem from your own childhood experiences or a subconscious need for excitement. However, it’s important to recognise that drama doesn’t equate to love, and it often leads to unhealthy and unsatisfying relationships.
3. You have low self-esteem.
If you don’t believe you deserve to be loved and treated well, you might unconsciously attract partners who reinforce those beliefs, Psychology Today explains. You might settle for less than you deserve, tolerate bad behaviour, or even believe that you’re the cause of the problems in the relationship. Building self-esteem and recognising your own worth is crucial for attracting healthy partners who will treat you with respect and love.
4. You have unresolved childhood trauma.
Childhood experiences can shape our attachment styles and influence the types of relationships we’re drawn to as adults. If you experienced neglect, abuse, or inconsistency in your childhood, you might be drawn to partners who trigger those familiar feelings. This can lead to a cycle of unhealthy relationships that mirror the dynamics you experienced as a child. Therapy can be a helpful tool for addressing these unresolved issues and developing healthier relationship patterns.
5. You have a fear of intimacy.
While you might crave connection, you might also subconsciously sabotage your relationships due to a fear of intimacy. This fear could stem from past hurts, a fear of vulnerability, or simply not knowing how to navigate close relationships. If you find yourself pushing people away when they get too close, it might be a sign that you need to address your fear of intimacy.
6. You’re a people pleaser.
If you’re always trying to please people and put their needs before your own, you might attract partners who take advantage of your generosity. They might be demanding, selfish, or emotionally draining. It’s important to learn to set healthy boundaries and prioritise your own needs. Don’t be afraid to say no and speak up for yourself.
7. You’re afraid of being alone.
The fear of being alone can lead you to settle for less than you deserve in a relationship. You might tolerate bad behaviour, stay in unhealthy situations, or jump from one relationship to another to avoid being single. It’s important to remember that being alone doesn’t have to be lonely. Learn to enjoy your own company, focus on your own goals and interests, and build a strong support system of friends and family.
8. You have a pattern of codependency.
Codependency is a type of dysfunctional relationship where you rely on your partner for your emotional well-being and sense of self, per Psych Central. You might sacrifice your own needs to please them, try to fix their problems, or enable their bad behaviour. This kind of dynamic is unhealthy and can lead to resentment and exhaustion. It’s important to recognise the signs of codependency and get some professional help if you’re struggling with it.
9. You have a pattern of falling for potential.
Maybe you see the good in everyone, and you believe that with enough love and support, anyone can change. While this is a beautiful sentiment, it can also be a blind spot. If you consistently fall for people based on their potential, rather than their current reality, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment. It’s important to see people for who they are, not who you hope they’ll become.
10. You ignore red flags early on.
Love can be blind, and it’s easy to overlook red flags when you’re smitten. But ignoring those early warning signs can lead you straight into a relationship with a broken person. Pay attention to how they treat you and everyone else, how they handle conflict, and whether their words match their actions. Don’t brush off those gut feelings or make excuses for their bad behaviour. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
11. You’re attracted to the “chase.”
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, the thrill of the chase can be more appealing than the actual relationship. If you’re drawn to emotionally unavailable or avoidant partners, you might be subconsciously re-enacting a familiar pattern from your past. This can lead to a cycle of unrequited love and disappointment. Focus on building healthy, reciprocal relationships where both partners are equally invested.
12. You have poor boundaries.
Healthy boundaries are essential for any relationship, but they’re especially important when dealing with someone who’s struggling. If you don’t have clear boundaries in place, you might find yourself being taken advantage of, drained emotionally, or pulled into their drama. Learn to say no, prioritise your own needs, and protect your energy. This doesn’t mean you can’t be supportive, but it does mean taking care of yourself first.
13. You have a tendency to “rescue” people.
If you have a strong urge to fix or save people, you might be more likely to attract broken people. They might see you as a source of support and validation, and they might even manipulate you into taking on their emotional burdens. It’s important to remember that you can’t fix someone who doesn’t want to be fixed, and you shouldn’t feel responsible for their happiness. Focus on your own well-being and surround yourself with people who lift you up, not drag you down.
14. You’re drawn to people who need you.
While it’s natural to want to feel needed and appreciated, this desire can sometimes lead you to attract people who are overly dependent or emotionally needy. These individuals might cling to you, demand your constant attention, and drain your energy. It’s important to recognise this pattern and choose partners who are emotionally mature and independent. A healthy relationship is built on mutual support and respect, not on one person’s neediness.
15. You’re still healing from past trauma.
If you’ve experienced trauma in your past, you might be more susceptible to attracting broken people. This is because trauma can leave us with unresolved emotional wounds that make us vulnerable to certain types of people. For example, if you were abandoned or neglected as a child, you might be drawn to partners who are emotionally unavailable. Healing from past trauma can help you break this cycle and attract healthier relationships.
