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Getty Images/iStockphotoThere’s nothing that will destroy your soul more than having to deal with a narcissist.
They have a knack for twisting reality and making you question your own sanity. It’s important to understand their tactics so you can protect yourself and regain your footing. Here are some common ways narcissists manipulate and try to undermine your sense of self.
1. They use love bombing to hook you in.
Source: Unsplash At first, they shower you with affection, compliments, and attention. It feels amazing, like a dream come true. But this “love bombing” is a tactic to make you emotionally dependent on them. Once they’ve got you hooked, they start to reveal their true colours.
2. They gaslight you into doubting your reality.
Narcissists are masters of manipulation. They’ll deny things they said or did, twist your words, and make you question your own memory and perception. This is called gaslighting, and it can leave you feeling confused and unsure of yourself.
3. They project their own flaws onto you.
Narcissists often accuse you of the very things they’re guilty of. If they’re dishonest, they’ll call you a liar. If they’re controlling, they’ll say you’re the one trying to manipulate them. This projection is a way to deflect blame and make you feel like the problem.
4. They isolate you from your support system.
Narcissists want to be the centre of your universe. They’ll try to distance you from your friends and family, making you rely on them for everything. This isolation makes it harder for you to see their true nature and get the support you need.
5. They devalue and criticise your every move.
Once they have you hooked, the compliments and affection start to fade. Instead, they begin to criticise and belittle you. They’ll pick apart your appearance, your personality, and your accomplishments, chipping away at your self-esteem.
6. They play the victim to gain sympathy.
Narcissists often portray themselves as victims of your behaviour or circumstances. They’ll exaggerate their own suffering and paint you as the villain. This manipulation tactic is designed to make you feel guilty and responsible for their unhappiness.
7. They use triangulation to create insecurity.
Narcissists love to bring other people into the mix to create drama and insecurity. They might flirt with other people in front of you, compare you to their exes, or talk about how much attention they’re getting from other people. This is all about making you feel threatened and less worthy.
8. They give backhanded compliments and insults.
Narcissists are experts at disguising insults as compliments. They might say something like, “You look great for your age,” or “That dress would be flattering if you lost a few pounds.” These subtle digs are designed to undermine your confidence and make you question yourself.
9. They discard and hoover you back in.
Narcissists often follow a cycle of idealisation, devaluation, and discard. Once they’ve drained you emotionally, they may abruptly end the relationship. But just when you’re starting to move on, they might reappear, acting like nothing happened. This “hoovering” is a way to keep you on the hook and maintain control.
10. They blame you for their own unhappiness.
No matter what you do, a narcissist will never be truly happy. They’ll always find something to complain about or someone to blame for their problems. And more often than not, that person will be you. This constant blame-shifting is a way to keep you off balance and feeling responsible for their well-being.
