You’d think that the older you get and the more relationship experience you have, the less rattled you’d get at the prospect of a first date.
Sadly, that’s not the case. For many of us, the anxiety that comes along with going out with someone you might just end up liking a lot can be overwhelming. However, there are some things you can do to calm yourself, at least a little. Here are some tips that have worked for me over the years.
1. Plan your outfit in advance.
Don’t leave this to the last minute — choose what you’re going to wear the day before. This way, you’re not scrambling and stressing right before you need to leave. Plus, you’ll feel more confident knowing you’ve got an outfit you feel good in.
2. Give yourself plenty of time to get ready.
There’s nothing worse than rushing around in a panic, so start getting ready earlier than you think you need to. Having a bit of extra time will help you feel more relaxed and in control. If you’re ready early, you can use that time to do something calming.
3. Do some light exercise.
Source: Unsplash A bit of physical activity can work wonders for anxiety, oddly enough. Go for a quick walk, do some stretching, or even dance around your room to your favourite song. It’ll help burn off some of that nervous energy and release some feel-good endorphins. Maybe save the HIIT workout for another day.
4. Practise some deep breathing.
Take a few minutes to focus on your breath. Try breathing in for four counts, holding for four, and exhaling for four — it can help slow your heart rate and calm your nerves. You can do this anytime, even in the car on the way to your date.
5. Reframe your thoughts.
Instead of thinking “I’m so nervous”, try telling yourself “I’m excited”. Anxiety and excitement are actually very similar emotions. By reframing it, you can turn those nerves into positive energy. Remember, a little nervousness is normal — it shows you care!
6. Have a pre-date chat with a friend.
Call or text a supportive friend before your date. They can give you a pep talk and remind you how great you are. Sometimes, just voicing your worries to someone else can make them seem less daunting.
7. Plan a fun activity for after the date.
Give yourself something to look forward to, regardless of how the date goes. It could be watching your favourite show, calling a friend, or treating yourself to a favourite snack. This can take some pressure off the date itself.
8. Avoid caffeine before the date.
Source: Unsplash As tempting as that pre-date coffee might be, caffeine can amplify feelings of anxiety. Stick to water or herbal tea instead. You’ll feel more calm and centred without the extra jitters caffeine can bring.
9. Remember, it’s just a date.
Try to keep things in perspective. This is just one date, not a life-altering event. If it goes well, great! If not, it’s not the end of the world. There will be other dates, other opportunities. Don’t put too much pressure on this one evening (or afternoon, whatever!).
10. Have some conversation starters ready.
If you’re worried about awkward silences, prepare a few topics or questions in advance. This can help you feel more prepared and less anxious about keeping the conversation flowing. Just don’t script the entire conversation — let it flow naturally, too.
11. Focus on getting to know them.
Source: Unsplash Instead of worrying about impressing your date, shift your focus to learning about them. Be curious about who they are. It takes the pressure off you and can make the date feel more like a fun opportunity than a test.
12. Do a quick meditation.
Even just five minutes of meditation can help calm your mind. There are plenty of free apps with guided meditations specifically for anxiety. Give it a try before you head out — you might be surprised at how much it helps.
13. Trust yourself.
Remember, you’re a great person with lots to offer. Trust that you’re enough just as you are. You don’t need to pretend to be someone else or put on an act. The right person will appreciate you for who you are, nerves and all.
