You’d think that the older you get and the more relationship experience you have, the less rattled you’d get at the prospect of a first date.
Sadly, that’s not the case. For many of us, the anxiety that comes along with going out with someone you might just end up liking a lot can be overwhelming. However, there are some things you can do to calm yourself, at least a little. Here are some tips that have worked for me over the years.
1. Plan your outfit in advance.
There is nothing that’ll send your stress levels through the roof faster than standing in front of the wardrobe 20 minutes before you’re due to leave, convinced you’ve got nothing to wear. Do yourself a favour and pick your outfit the day before. Make sure it’s clean, ironed, and, most importantly, something you actually feel like yourself in. Knowing you look decent and that your clothes aren’t going to be a source of bother means you can focus on the actual person you’re meeting.
2. Give yourself plenty of time to get ready.
Rushing around in a panic is a guaranteed way to feel flustered before you’ve even walked out the door. Start getting ready a good bit earlier than you think you need to. If you finish early, you can just sit down with a brew and relax for a bit. It’s much better to be ready and waiting than to be sweating in a taxi because you’re running late and can’t find your keys.
3. Burn off some of that jittery energy.
If you’re feeling a bit restless, a little bit of movement can actually settle your head. You don’t need to go for a ten-mile run, but a quick walk around the block or even just a bit of a stretch can help clear the cobwebs. It’s a natural way to use up some of that nervous adrenaline so you don’t end up fidgeting through the whole date. Save the heavy gym session for tomorrow; today is just about getting the blood flowing and the mood up.
4. Practise some deep breathing.
It sounds incredibly simple, but when we’re anxious, we tend to take shallow breaths, which just makes the panic feel worse. Take a few minutes to just focus on your breathing. Try breathing in for a count of four, holding it, and then letting it out slowly. You can do this while you’re doing your hair or even on the bus on the way there. It’s a quick way to tell your nervous system that you’re actually safe and there’s nothing to worry about.
5. Tell yourself you’re excited, not nervous.
Physically, being nervous and being excited feel almost exactly the same—your heart beats faster, and you get that buzzy feeling in your chest. The only real difference is the story you tell yourself about it. Instead of thinking you’re about to have a nightmare, try telling yourself you’re just looking forward to the night. Changing that mindset can turn that frantic energy into something a bit more positive and useful.
6. Have a pre-date chat with a friend.
Give a supportive friend a shout before you head out. A quick text or a five-minute chat can work wonders. They’re the ones who’ll remind you that you’re a catch and that the date is lucky to be meeting you. Sometimes, just saying “I’m a bit nervous” out loud to someone who gets you makes the whole thing feel a lot less heavy.
7. Plan a fun activity for after the date.
It helps to take the pressure off the date if it’s not the only thing on your schedule. Decide on something relaxing you’re going to do when you get back, whether that’s watching a show you love or just having a decent snack. That way, no matter how the evening goes, you’ve still got something to look forward to at the end of it. It reminds you that the date is just one part of your day, not the be-all and end-all.
8. Avoid caffeine before the date.
It’s tempting to grab a double espresso to make sure you’re sharp and “on,” but caffeine is basically liquid anxiety if you’re already feeling the jitters. It’ll just make your heart race more and leave you feeling twitchy. Stick to water or a bit of herbal tea before you go. You’ll feel much more grounded and less like you’re about to vibrate out of your seat.
9. Keep a bit of perspective.
At the end of the day, it’s just a drink or a meal with another person. It isn’t a life-altering event or a trial; it’s just a chance to see if you get along. If it’s a disaster, you’ll have a funny story for your mates. If it’s great, brilliant. But either way, the sun is still going to come up tomorrow. Lowering the stakes in your head makes it much easier to actually enjoy yourself.
10. Have some conversation starters ready.
If you’re worried about that awkward silence where you both just stare at your drinks, have a couple of easy questions ready to go. Nothing scripted—just a few things you’re actually curious about, like the last trip they took or a show they’ve been binging. Having those ready acts like a safety net, so you aren’t scrambling for something to say if the conversation hits a bit of a lull.
11. Focus on getting to know them.
We usually get nervous because we’re worried about how we’re coming across or if we’re being impressive enough. Try to flip that around. Make it your goal to just find out who they are. Be curious, ask questions, and really listen to the answers. When you’re focused on someone else, you haven’t got as much room in your head to worry about your own nerves. It turns the date from a test into a bit of an investigation.
12. Do a quick meditation.
If your brain is whirring at a hundred miles an hour, try a quick bit of meditation before you leave the house. You don’t need to be an expert; just sit quietly for five minutes and try to clear the clutter. There are plenty of apps that can walk you through it, and it’s a great way to hit the reset button so you walk into the date feeling a bit more centred and a lot less frantic.
13. Trust yourself.
You don’t need to put on a performance or pretend to be some polished version of yourself. The right person is going to like you for exactly who you are, awkward bits and all. You’ve got plenty to offer, and if this person doesn’t see that, then they’re simply not the right fit. Trusting in your own value means you don’t have to win them over—you’re just there to see if you actually like them.
