You probably know the warning signs of gaslighting in relationships, but have you ever stopped to figure out if you’re pulling this toxic behaviour with yourself?
It sounds crazy, I know — why and how could you ever gaslight yourself? However, it’s actually possible, and it’s more common than you’d think. Here are some signs you’re guilty of this self-abuse. If you relate to any of these signs, it’s time to make a change.
1. You constantly second-guess your memories.
If you regularly wonder whether something actually happened or you’re just making it up, that’s a problem. Doubting your own memory is a major sign of gaslighting. Sure, sometimes things get a little hazy, especially if a lot of time has passed, but constantly questioning every little detail isn’t healthy. You need to trust your brain a little more.
2. You act like your achievements are no big deal.
Whether you got a promotion or finished a marathon, if your first thought is, “It’s not that big a deal or “Anyone could do that,” you’re selling yourself short. Stop brushing off your successes as flukes or ‘not good enough’. Give yourself credit where it’s due.
3. You invalidate your own feelings.
If you always chide yourself for how you’re feeling or accuse yourself of being too sensitive, you’re gaslighting yourself. Newsflash: your feelings are valid, full stop. You’re not a robot programmed to feel only at appropriate times. Emotions aren’t always logical, and that’s okay. You’re human, not a Vulcan.
4. You convince yourself you’re overreacting.
If someone’s behaviour upset you, but you talk yourself out of addressing it because you think you’re “making a big deal out of nothing,” that’s self-gaslighting. Trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is. You’re not a drama queen for having legitimate concerns.
5. You always assume you’re in the wrong.
Do you always blame yourself for every single fight, even when it’s not your fault? While it’s good to take responsibility, constantly blaming yourself isn’t healthy. You’re not the universal scapegoat. Sometimes, just sometimes, you might actually be right.
6. You minimise your problems.
Telling yourself that other people have it worse doesn’t magically make your issues disappear. Yes, perspective is important, but it doesn’t mean your struggles aren’t real. Your troubles matter, even if they seem small to other people.
7. You convince yourself you’re not trying hard enough.
If you’re constantly thinking you need to work harder despite already pushing yourself to the limit, you’re gaslighting yourself. There’s a difference between motivation and self-flagellation. You’re not a slacker for having limits — you’re human.
8. You rationalise other people’s bad behaviour.
Making excuses for someone who consistently treats you badly by insisting that they didn’t mean it or “that’s just how they are” is classic gaslighting. You don’t have to defend people who mistreat you. It’s okay to admit when people don’t deserve to be in your life.
9. You tell yourself you’re too sensitive.
If “I need to toughen up” or “Why am I so thin-skinned?” are common thoughts for you, you’re probably invalidating your own experiences. Sensitivity isn’t a flaw, by the way. It’s a trait, and a positive one, at that.
10. You doubt your own perception of reality.
Constantly asking people “Did you see that?” or “Am I crazy, or…?” might mean you’re not trusting your own judgement. While it’s good to get different perspectives, always doubting what you see or hear isn’t healthy.
11. You convince yourself you don’t deserve good things.
If something good happens and your first thought is that you don’t deserve it, that’s self-gaslighting. You’re not a charity case — good things can and should happen to you. Stop waiting for the other shoe to drop and enjoy the moment.
12. You tell yourself you’re not good enough.
Source: Unsplash Constantly feeling like you’re not smart enough, pretty enough, or just generally ‘enough’? That’s your inner gaslighter talking. You’re not a halfway finished product — you’re a whole person, imperfections and all.
13. You ignore your intuition.
Source: Unsplash Always brushing off your gut feelings as silly or irrational is not the way to go. Your intuition is there for a reason. While it’s not infallible, constantly ignoring it is a form of self-gaslighting. Sure, you’re not omniscient (no one is!), but your instincts are worth listening to.
14. You convince yourself you’re being paranoid.
Source: Unsplash If you’re always telling yourself that your worries are based on paranoia rather than legitimate concerns, you might be gaslighting yourself. You’re not some kind of conspiracy theorist because you notice red flags in people or potential pitfalls in situations.
15. You tell yourself you’ll be happy when…
Source: Unsplash Constantly pushing your happiness to some future point is harmful. “I’ll be happy when I lose weight/get that job/find a partner” is a sneaky form of self-gaslighting. You don’t need to wait to be content. It’s okay to find joy in the present, imperfect as it may be.
