16 Easy Ways To Spot A Love-Bomber
Unsplash/Alvin Mahmudov Imagine meeting someone who seems too good to be true. They shower you with affection, make you the center of their world, and promise you a fairytale romance. It’s intoxicating! But sometimes, that extreme whirlwind courtship is a red flag. Love-bombing is a manipulative tactic some people use, and it can foreshadow unhealthy relationship patterns.
1. They move at lightning speed.
Source: Unsplash Love-bombers want to sweep you off your feet before you have time to think too hard. They might declare their love within days or weeks, pressure you to commit quickly, and talk about your future together as if it’s a done deal. While it’s normal for new relationships to be exciting, this feels rushed and more than a little overwhelming.
2. The intensity feels over-the-top.
Source: Unsplash Lots of texts, calls, and a constant desire to be together – it’s flattering at first! But if it starts to feel like a bit much, listen to that gut feeling, Healthline urges. Love-bombers try to build a sense of intense emotional intimacy very quickly. This makes it harder to set boundaries or back off when things move too fast.
3. They shower you with compliments and affection.
Source: Unsplash They tell you you’re their soulmate, their everything, the only person who ever truly understood them. While some of this is normal in the honeymoon phase, love-bombers crank the flattery up to 11. It’s designed to make you feel special, indebted to them, and like you’ve found your one-and-only.
4. They mirror your interests and opinions.
Source: Unsplash Notice how they always seem to agree with you, share your passions, and love the same stuff? Love-bombers are chameleons. They want to present themselves as your perfect match. But if the mirroring feels too intense or you never see their own unique personality shine through, it might be a sign.
5. They want to be the center of your world.
Source: Unsplash Early into the relationship, love-bombers might express subtle – or not so subtle – jealousy of your other relationships. They want all your time and attention. They might pout if you make plans with friends, try to occupy your every free moment, or try and convince you they know what’s best for you.
6. They have a history of short, intense relationships.
Source: Unsplash If you have the chance, pay attention to their dating history. A pattern of quickly escalating romances that end abruptly can be a sign of love-bombing behavior. They might blame their exes for the breakup or give vague reasons while painting themselves as the victim.
7. They’re not big on respecting your boundaries.
Source: Unsplash Love-bombers often ignore or push gently against your boundaries. If you say you’re tired and need a night to yourself, they might guilt trip you. If you say the pace feels too fast, they may try to convince you it’s “just how they are” to get you to change your mind.
8. Things feel a little off with your gut instincts.
Source: Unsplash It’s easy to ignore a subtle feeling that something’s not quite right when you’re being swept up in romance. But your intuition is powerful! If their behavior feels performative, too slick, or just a little unsettling, don’t dismiss that feeling. It’s better to take a step back and reassess.
9. They give you gifts galore, especially early on.
Source: Unsplash Don’t get me wrong, gifts are nice! But love-bombers often use extravagant gifts early in a relationship to overwhelm you and create a sense of obligation. They want you to feel like you owe them something in return for their generosity, whether that’s your attention, affection, or bending to their will.
10. They’re all about future-faking.
Source: Unsplash Love-bombers will paint a perfect picture of the future with you – fancy vacations, dream houses, starting a family together. It’s designed to distract you from the present and get you emotionally invested in a fantasy relationship. This can make it harder to walk away if you see red flags down the line.
11. Hot and cold behavior is the name of the game.
Source: Unsplash Once a love-bomber feels they have you hooked, they might begin to withdraw a little. One day they’ll be all over you, the next day distant and aloof. This push and pull creates anxiety, making you chase their affection and approval to get those early-relationship highs again.
12. They guilt-trip you easily.
Source: Unsplash If you need space, disagree with them, or prioritize yourself in any way, a love-bomber is likely to lay on the guilt. They might play the victim, making you responsible for their happiness. This manipulation tactic is designed to keep you focused on their needs over your own.
13. They isolate you from friends and family.
Source: Unsplash Your support system is a threat to a love-bomber. They want you all to themselves. They might criticize your loved ones, find reasons to cancel plans you’ve made with others, or make it seem like the only person who truly cares about you is them.
14. They blame you for their emotional outbursts.
Source: Unsplash A love-bomber might use their charm initially, but they may lash out if they don’t feel in control. If you challenge them or call out unhealthy behaviour, they might get angry, then blame you for their reaction. It becomes a pattern where you walk on eggshells to avoid upsetting them.
15. Criticism starts to creep in.
Source: Unsplash Once the love-bombing phase is over, it’s often replaced with subtle (or not-so-subtle) criticism. They might put you down to make themselves feel superior or chip away at your confidence so you’re more reliant on them. It never feels like constructive feedback – it feels intended to hurt.
16. You feel like you’re losing your sense of self.
Source: Unsplash Healthy relationships allow space for growth. But with a love-bomber, you might find yourself becoming who they want you to be instead of who you really are. You change your hobbies, style, or opinions to please them. Over time, you may feel like you don’t even recognize yourself anymore.
