I know relationships with a narcissist can be a rollercoaster of emotions, and it’s not always easy to tell where you stand. But there are some warning signs that show they’re preparing to discard you. Think of this as your emotional weather forecast, helping you prepare for potential storms. Keep an eye out for these subtle (and not-so-subtle) cues that a narcissist might be checking out of the relationship.
1. They become increasingly critical and devaluing.
One of the most common signs of an impending discard is a sharp increase in criticism, per Verywell Mind. The narcissist might start nitpicking everything you do, from your appearance to your personality. They’ll put down your accomplishments, belittle your feelings, or make you feel like you’re never good enough. This devaluation is their way of chipping away at your self-esteem and making you more dependent on their approval. It’s a painful process, but it’s a clear sign that they’re preparing to move on.
2. They start withdrawing and becoming emotionally distant.
The love and attention they once showered you inevitably starts to fade away. They become less responsive to your texts or calls, cancel plans at the last minute, or seem emotionally unavailable. They also start spending more time with other people or planning activities/gatherings that don’t include you. This emotional distance is their way of slowly detaching themselves from the relationship, preparing for a clean break without too much fuss.
3. They start testing your boundaries and pushing your buttons.
Narcissists love to test boundaries. They may start doing things they know you don’t like, disrespecting your opinions, or deliberately provoking you. This is their way of gauging your reaction and seeing how much they can get away with. If you react strongly, they use it as an excuse to discard you, claiming that you’re “too sensitive” or “difficult.” If you don’t react, they’ll see it as a green light to continue their bad behaviour.
4. They start lying and keeping secrets.
When a narcissist is about to discard you, they become increasingly secretive and dishonest. They tend to lie about their whereabouts, their finances, or even their feelings for you. They may also start gaslighting you, making you question your own memory and perception of reality. This deception is their way of creating distance and paving the way for a clean break.
5. They become increasingly selfish and demanding.
Narcissists are inherently self-centred, but their selfishness can become amplified when they’re preparing to discard you. They start demanding more attention, more favours, or more sacrifices from you. They might also become more critical of your efforts to please them and less appreciative of your contributions. This selfishness is a sign that they’re no longer invested in the relationship and are looking for an easy exit.
6. They start talking about other people.
If your narcissist partner starts talking about other people, especially potential romantic partners, it’s a major red flag. They may casually mention a coworker, a friend, or even an ex, making comparisons or expressing admiration for their qualities. This is their way of planting the seeds for a new relationship and making you feel like you’re replaceable. It’s also a way to make you jealous and insecure, which can give them a sense of power and control.
7. They become more critical of your appearance and personality.
Narcissists are experts at finding flaws in pretty much everyone but themselves. When they’re preparing to discard you, they tend to start nitpicking your appearance or personality. They criticise your clothes, your weight, your hobbies, or your interests. They may even start making derogatory comments about your intelligence or character. This is their way of making you feel insecure and unworthy of their love, paving the way for a guilt-free exit.
8. They start spending less time with you and more time with other people.
One of the most obvious signs of an impending discard is a sudden decrease in the amount of time your partner spends with you. They might start working late, making excuses to avoid you, or spending more time with their friends or family. They may also seem less interested in your life, your thoughts, or your feelings. This withdrawal is their way of slowly distancing themselves from you and preparing for a life without you.
9. They use triangulation.
As Psych Central explains, triangulation is a classic narcissist tactic. They’ll start comparing you to other people, mentioning how much better someone else is at something, or even flirting with other people in front of you. This creates insecurity and jealousy, making you try harder to please them and win back their attention. It also gives them a sense of power and control, as they pit you against people for their affection and validation.
10. They suddenly become very busy and unavailable.
If your normally attentive partner suddenly becomes incredibly busy with work, social events, or hobbies, it could be a sign they’re distancing themselves. They cancel plans with you, ignore your calls and texts, or make excuses for why they can’t spend time with you. This sudden change in behaviour can leave you feeling confused, hurt, and neglected, which is exactly what they want.
11. They start finding faults in everything you do.
Nothing you do is good enough anymore. They’ll start criticising your cooking, your clothes, your job, or even your personality. This constant criticism can wear down your self-esteem and make you question your own worth. It’s also a way for them to justify their decision to discard you, making it seem like you’re the one who’s not good enough for them.
12. They start talking about the future in vague or uncertain terms.
If your partner used to talk about your future together – marriage, kids, buying a house – but now those conversations are filled with “maybes” and “we’ll see,” it could be a sign they’re having doubts. They may start to backpedal on previous commitments or avoid making any concrete plans. This lack of clarity and commitment is a red flag that they’re preparing to end the relationship.
13. They start acting out in anger or aggression.
As a narcissist prepares to discard you, they become increasingly irritable, moody, or even aggressive. They might pick fights over trivial things, lash out verbally or physically, or engage in other destructive behaviours. This is their way of releasing their own pent-up anger and frustration, and it’s often a precursor to a final discard. If you’re experiencing this type of behaviour, it’s important to prioritise your own safety and well-being.
14. They blame you for their unhappiness.
Narcissists are never willing to take responsibility for their own emotions or actions. If they’re feeling unhappy or unfulfilled, they’ll likely blame you for it. They tend to say things like, “You’re never happy with anything I do” or “You’re the reason I’m so miserable.” This is a way to shift the blame onto you and avoid facing their own shortcomings. Don’t fall for their manipulation. Remember, you’re not responsible for their happiness.
15. They start talking about how they deserve better.
This is a clear sign that they’re already mentally checking out of the relationship. They usually start talking about how they deserve someone who is more attractive, more successful, or more interesting than you. They may even compare you to other people in a not very nice way in an attempt to make you feel inadequate and unworthy. This is their way of devaluing you and preparing themselves to move on.
16. They start to disappear for longer periods.
As the discard phase progresses, the narcissist starts to disappear for longer and longer periods. They might go on trips without you, spend more time with their friends, or simply become less available to you. This is their way of testing the waters and seeing how you react to their absence. If you don’t seem too bothered by it, they’ll take it as a sign that they can move on without you.
