We all have people in our lives who, despite our best intentions, just bring us down.
They might drain your energy, manipulate your emotions, or simply take far more than they give. You tell yourself to be patient, to keep trying, but after a while, it becomes clear the relationship is costing you more than it’s giving back. Cutting someone out of your life is never easy, but sometimes it’s the healthiest thing you can do for your own peace of mind.
Letting go doesn’t make you cruel or heartless; it means you’re choosing to protect your mental health. It’s about creating space for people who treat you with respect, not guilt. Here’s how to do it with clarity, compassion, and a little more strength than you probably realise you have.
1. Assess the relationship honestly.
Before you take any drastic step, stop and look at the relationship from a distance. Ask yourself what this person truly adds to your life. Do they support you, or do they leave you feeling anxious and small every time you see them? Sometimes relationships hit rough patches, but if every interaction leaves you frustrated, hurt, or depleted, something deeper might be wrong.
Be honest about patterns. Do they ignore your boundaries, twist your words, or make you feel guilty for standing up for yourself? If you’ve already tried to fix things and nothing changes, it’s a sign that their behaviour isn’t going to improve just because you care. That’s when walking away stops feeling harsh and starts feeling necessary.
2. Set clear boundaries.
If cutting ties completely feels too extreme, start by setting firm boundaries. Tell them what you can and cannot accept, and be specific. Maybe it’s refusing to discuss certain topics, not replying to late-night messages, or declining plans that always leave you drained. Boundaries aren’t about a form of punishment; they’re self-respect.
The hardest part is sticking to them. Some people test limits just to see if you’ll cave, and it’s in those moments that your resolve matters most. The first few times you stand your ground, it might feel uncomfortable, but the peace that follows will remind you why it’s worth it. Protecting your boundaries teaches people how to treat you.
3. Communicate your decision (or don’t).
Whether or not to explain your decision depends on the type of relationship. If the person has been abusive or controlling, disappearing quietly is often the safest choice. You don’t owe anyone access to you, especially if they’ve used it to cause harm. Block, delete, and disengage without guilt.
In other cases, especially with long-term friends or family, it can help to have a conversation. Keep it calm and clear. Explain how you feel, without blaming or justifying too much. They may not take it well, but that’s not your responsibility. The goal isn’t to make them understand. It’s to find closure for yourself.
4. Unfollow or block them on social media.
It’s hard to move on when their face keeps showing up in your feed. Social media keeps connections alive that should have faded long ago. Unfollowing or blocking them gives you the emotional space to detach. It stops you from checking their updates or wondering what they’re doing, which only keeps old wounds open.
If you’re not ready to cut off contact completely, muting their posts is a good middle ground. You don’t have to announce it or feel bad about it. You’re just curating your space, keeping it free from reminders that make you spiral. Healing is a lot easier when your digital world stops feeding the problem.
5. Avoid places you know they hang out.
For a while, you might need to change your routines. Avoiding their favourite spots isn’t cowardice, it’s a way to give yourself breathing room. Constantly running into someone you’re trying to detach from keeps you stuck in the same emotional loop.
When you’ve had enough time and distance, you’ll be able to revisit those places without feeling that pang of dread or nostalgia. But at first, give yourself permission to stay away. Healing isn’t about proving you’re unaffected; it’s about giving your nervous system a break from unnecessary stress.
6. Find support from friends and family.
Removing someone from your life can leave an emotional void, even if they hurt you. The loneliness that follows is what often makes people go back, even when they know they shouldn’t. That’s why support matters. Talk to people who remind you of your worth. Let them listen, reassure you, and keep you grounded when you start doubting yourself.
Real friends will validate your decision and help you through the guilt that often lingers after a breakup or falling out. Surround yourself with warmth, humour, and love. It reminds you that not every relationship is complicated, and that healthy connections do exist.
7. Take care of yourself.
Walking away from someone toxic doesn’t end with the goodbye. It’s emotionally draining, and sometimes you don’t realise how much until after the dust settles. This is when self-care becomes crucial. Prioritise rest, eat well, and make time for small joys that reconnect you to yourself. Whether that’s getting outside, journalling, or finally sleeping without anxiety, lean into what soothes you.
If you find yourself struggling, therapy can be a huge help. A professional can help you unpack what made the relationship so damaging and stop you from falling into similar patterns in the future. The goal isn’t to erase the past, but to move through it with awareness and kindness toward yourself.
8. Be patient with yourself.
Even when you know you’ve done the right thing, letting go still hurts. You might feel guilty, sad, or even miss the person, and that’s normal. Cutting someone out isn’t about pretending you never cared; it’s about acknowledging that love isn’t enough when it keeps costing you peace.
Healing takes time. Some days you’ll feel free and clear-headed, and others you’ll question everything. That’s part of the process. Don’t rush to fill the space they left, or convince yourself you’re fine before you are. Growth happens quietly, in the pauses, and one day you’ll notice that thinking about them doesn’t sting anymore. That’s when you’ll know you’ve truly let go.
