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UnsplashEveryone wants to feel confident, but sometimes this desire for approval ventures into unhealthy territory. When your sense of worth becomes overly reliant on external validation, it’s a tell-tale sign that deeper insecurities are hiding beneath the surface. The good news is that the sooner you notice these habits, the sooner you can start to break the cycle and start to feel good in your own skin.
1. You constantly check social media for likes and comments.
Do you feel a rush of excitement when those notifications pop up, followed by disappointment if your post doesn’t get the engagement you hoped for? This rollercoaster of emotions shows that external validation fueling your self-worth. It’s okay to enjoy sharing your life online, but when your mood hinges on other people’s responses (or lack thereof!), it’s worth thinking about. As Yale Medicine notes, numerous studies have proven just how harmful social media can be for our mental health, so it may be time to put down the phone for a while…
2. You get overly upset by criticism, even when constructive.
Everyone experiences criticism sometimes, but if it hits you particularly hard, it might expose a fragile self-esteem reliant on other people’s praise. People with healthier self-confidence can separate valid feedback from personal attacks, while those heavily reliant on external validation perceive any hint of disapproval as a major blow.
3. You fish for compliments.
Do you feel like you need to draw attention to your accomplishments, appearance, or possessions, hoping someone will shower you with praise? Fishing for compliments masks a need to have anyone else validate your worthiness. True self-confidence means recognizing your value independently of everyone else’s opinions.
4. You change your opinions or behaviors to fit in.
Feeling the need to conform to other people’s beliefs or mimic their actions to gain approval points to weak self-confidence. While it’s natural to be influenced by those around us, constantly molding yourself to please everyone erodes your authenticity and makes you susceptible to those with harmful agendas.
5. Your happiness relies on your relationship status.
Feeling incomplete, unattractive, or unsuccessful when single indicates that your sense of self is heavily tied to external validation. True self-worth comes from within, regardless of whether you’re partnered or not. Focusing on self-love and building a fulfilling life independent of your relationship status fosters healthier relationships down the line.
6. You’re always comparing yourself to everyone around you.
Social media can amplify this tendency, but constant comparison is a surefire way to feel inadequate. When your sense of worth depends on feeling superior, it’s built on shaky ground. Celebrating other people’s wins, recognizing that everyone’s journey is unique, and focusing on your own growth fosters healthier self-esteem.
7. You people-please and have trouble saying “no”.
Putting everyone else’s needs constantly above your own often points to a need for validation. Fear of rejection or being disliked causes you to overcommit and neglect your own well-being. Learning to set boundaries and prioritize your time and energy is empowering and fosters genuine respect in the long run.
8. You have trouble making decisions without external input.
Whether it’s what to wear, what to order for dinner, or major life choices, always needing reassurance from external sources shows a lack of trust in your own judgment. Seeking advice occasionally is normal, but chronic indecision fueled by seeking external validation keeps you playing small and prevents you from owning your choices.
9. You downplay your accomplishments to avoid envy or judgment.
Minimizing your wins stems from a fear of how other people might perceive you. Instead of basking in your achievements, you downplay them in order to seem more relatable. Truly confident people celebrate their accomplishments, not hide them.
10. You take disagreement or rejection very personally.
If a job application falls through, a date doesn’t go well, or someone expresses a different opinion, it triggers feelings of unworthiness. When self-esteem is shaky, disagreement easily morphs into personal rejection. Recognizing that these things aren’t necessarily reflections of your value builds resilience.
11. You’re obsessed with your image or what other people think of you.
Excessive concern with your appearance, social status, or material possessions signals external validation driving your choices. When your worth is tied to how you think other people see you, you lose touch with your genuine self and spend inordinate energy on a curated image rather than internal fulfillment.
12. You brag about your accomplishments or drop names.
While sharing achievements is healthy, excessive bragging or name-dropping reflects a need to impress everyone. It masks a deep fear of being seen as ordinary. Genuine confidence means knowing your value without feeling the need to broadcast it constantly.
13. You apologize excessively, even when not at fault.
Chronically saying sorry reflects a deep fear of making mistakes or making people uncomfortable. Instead of taking ownership when actually at fault, you apologize for everything to avoid conflict or the perception that you’ve done anything wrong. This undermines your personal power and sense of autonomy.
14. You’re drawn to people who constantly praise you.
Initially, being showered with compliments and adoration feels exhilarating. However, overreliance on this external ego-boost prevents genuine self-esteem from developing. Instead, seek out people who offer honest feedback, support your growth, and see you for who you truly are, not just as a source of ego-stroking.
15. You try too hard to be liked.
Constantly trying to win people’s approval and tailor yourself to fit what you think they want is exhausting and inauthentic, Forbes correctly points out. People-pleasing with the hope of being liked masks a deep fear of rejection. Embracing your authentic self, even if not everyone resonates with it, fosters genuine self-love and attracts true connections.
16. Your emotions are easily swayed by other people’s praise or disapproval.
A compliment sends your spirits soaring, while a critical remark makes you crash emotionally. This rollercoaster is fueled by outsourcing your sense of worth to the fleeting opinions of people who really don’t matter in your life. Recognizing your intrinsic value regardless of external validation creates unshakeable internal stability.
