17 Things Manipulative People Do To Maintain Control

Manipulative people twist others to suit their own purposes, and while it’s important to be able to recognize this is happening to you, that doesn’t necessarily make it any easier to get away from. Manipulators won’t just give up control easily — they’ll do anything they can to keep you wrapped around their finger by pulling these shady moves.

1. They throw themselves the ultimate pity party.

They turn every situation into a sob story. Suddenly, their minor inconvenience is the worst thing that’s ever happened, and you’re the only one who can possibly understand their immense suffering. This guilt trip makes you feel obligated to fix their problems, even if they caused them.

2. They specialize in gaslighting, making you doubt your own sanity.

They twist reality to make you question your own sanity. They deny saying things they clearly did, or claim you’re overreacting to perfectly normal behavior. This leaves you confused and unsure of your own judgment, making you easier to control.

3. They control the information you receive.

They control the flow of information to fit their agenda. They might withhold important details, exaggerate certain facts, or outright lie. This keeps you in the dark and makes it harder to make informed decisions.

4. They make you feel responsible for their feelings.

They make you feel responsible for their happiness (or lack thereof). They might say things like, “If you really loved me, you’d do X,” implying your actions directly affect their emotional well-being. This guilt keeps you walking on eggshells, constantly trying to avoid upsetting them.

5. They use the “just kidding” excuse to mask hurtful behavior.

They disguise hurtful comments or insults as jokes. They might say something awful, then brush it off with a laugh when you call them out. This makes it hard to address their bad behavior because they can always claim they were just teasing.

6. They’re experts at playing the victim.

They deflect blame by portraying themselves as the innocent party. They twist situations to make it seem like they’re the ones being wronged, even if they started the whole mess. This deflects attention from their bad behavior and makes you feel like the bad guy for questioning them.

7. They strategically use favors to keep you in debt.

They keep you in debt by doing “nice” things with strings attached. They might offer help, but it always comes with a hidden cost – an expectation of a favor in return, usually one that benefits them more than you. This creates an obligation that you feel pressured to repay.

8. They weaponize your weaknesses.

They keep tabs on your insecurities and vulnerabilities, then use them against you in moments of conflict. If they know you’re sensitive about your weight, for example, they might throw in a jab about it to make you feel bad and regain control of an argument.

9. They isolate you to increase their influence.

They subtly (or not-so-subtly) discourage your relationships with friends and family. They might complain about your loved ones, make plans without you, or create drama that strains your other connections. This isolates you, making them your primary source of support and limiting any outside influence.

10. They use love and affection as bargaining chips.

They withhold affection or intimacy as a way to punish you for not complying with their wishes. They might give you the cold shoulder, ignore your texts, or flat-out refuse sex if you haven’t done what they want. This tactic uses your emotional attachment against you.

11. They flip the script and accuse you of manipulation.

When you confront them about their behavior, they turn the tables and accuse YOU of gaslighting, playing the victim, or being too sensitive. This defensive tactic aims to discredit your concerns and put you on your heels.

12. They make huge promises with little follow-through.

They talk a big game about change, offer grand gestures, and promise to do better. But these promises are empty and meant to appease you in the moment. They’ll go back to their old tricks as soon as the heat’s off.

13. Their apologies are always conditional.

They don’t offer a genuine “I’m sorry.” Instead, they apologize if you were offended, or if you misunderstood. This places the responsibility for their actions on you, not them, and allows them to avoid taking real accountability for their behavior.

14. They use intimidation, veiled or blatant.

They might raise their voice, get in your face, or use subtle threats to scare you into submission. This could be as overt as “You’ll regret this” or more veiled, like reminding you who has financial control or greater social influence.

15. They set impossible expectations.

They hold you to unreasonable standards that no one could live up to. They constantly move the goalposts, ensuring there’s always something you’re doing “wrong.” This constant criticism demoralizes you and creates an environment where you’re always trying to prove yourself.

16. They sabotage your success and independence

They’re secretly threatened by your achievements and subtly (or sometimes openly) sabotage your efforts. They might conveniently “forget” to tell you about an opportunity, put you down about a new endeavor, or create a crisis just when things are going your way.