Love can make us do crazy things, like overlooking red flags we normally wouldn’t tolerate. But there are dealbreakers that, no matter how much you love someone, you should never downplay or ignore. Remember, healthy relationships are built on a foundation of mutual respect, trust, and love. Let’s talk about the things that fall squarely outside the realm of acceptable.
1. Any kind of abuse: physical, emotional, or verbal
This is a big, bold, non-negotiable. Abuse is never okay, Women’s Aid reminds us. If your partner hits you, berates you, belittles you, or controls your actions, that’s not love, and it will never get better. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and anyone who makes you feel unsafe should not be in your life.
2. Constant lying and deception
Source: Unsplash Trust is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Lies, big or small, inevitably destroy that trust. If you constantly catch your partner lying or hiding things from you, it’s a major red flag. You can’t build a healthy future with someone you can’t believe or rely on.
3. Disrespect towards you or the people you care about
Source: Unsplash Everyone deserves to be treated with basic decency. If your partner disregards your feelings, insults you, belittles your accomplishments, or is rude to your family and friends, it’s a sign they don’t truly respect you. You deserve a partner who lifts you up, not one who tears you down.
4. Trying to control you or isolate you from loved ones
Source: Unsplash Is your partner jealous and possessive? Do they try to limit who you spend time with, monitor your activities, or control your finances? This controlling behaviour is a form of abuse and shows they don’t respect your autonomy, Psychology Today notes. A healthy relationship encourages you to have strong connections with friends and family.
5. Refusal to take responsibility for their actions
Source: Unsplash Everyone messes up, but a mature partner can own their mistakes and apologize sincerely. If your partner constantly blames you, plays the victim, or makes excuses, it’s a major sign of emotional immaturity. This toxic dynamic will only lead to frustration and lack of growth in the relationship.
6. Cheating or serious betrayals of trust
Source: Unsplash Infidelity hits at the heart of a relationship. While some couples can heal after a betrayal, it takes a whole lot of effort and commitment from both partners to rebuild broken trust. There’s no shame in saying, “I can’t do this,” if your partner has violated your trust in such a significant way.
7. Unwillingness to compromise or work through problems together
Source: Unsplash All relationships have disagreements. What matters is the willingness to communicate openly, find common ground, and compromise for the sake of the partnership. If your partner always insists on getting their way, refuses to address issues, or uses stonewalling or silent treatment during conflict, that’s an unhealthy pattern that leads to resentment.
8. Feeling bad about yourself more often than good
Your partner should be your biggest cheerleader. If, instead, they make you feel insecure, unworthy, or less than, that’s a serious drain on your well-being. Relationships should lift you up, not drag you down. You deserve to be with someone who sees your value and helps you shine.
9. Blatant disregard for your needs or boundaries
Source: Unsplash A healthy relationship has a balance of give and take. If your partner ignores your emotional needs, repeatedly disrespects your boundaries (even after you’ve explicitly stated them), or seems unconcerned about your well-being, it’s a sign they only care about what works for them, not about building a reciprocal, loving partnership.
10. Addiction or substance abuse that impacts your life negatively
Supporting someone through addiction recovery can be incredibly difficult. If your partner is struggling and actively working on their recovery, that’s one scenario. But if they’re deep in their active addiction, refuse to get help, and their behaviour is causing you emotional or financial harm, it’s okay to walk away. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.
11. Feeling like you’re constantly walking on eggshells
Do you feel anxious around your partner, always afraid of saying the wrong thing and setting them off? If you’re constantly editing yourself, hiding things, or feeling like you can’t relax and be your true self, that’s no way to live. Relationships should be a safe haven, not a minefield of tension and fear.
12. Having your goals and dreams sabotaged
Your partner should be encouraging your growth, celebrating your wins, and helping you pursue what lights you up. But if they constantly belittle your ambitions, get jealous of your success, or try to hold you back from what makes you happy, that’s a form of emotional control. You deserve someone who supports your dreams, not diminishes them.
13. Refusal to go to couples counselling or work on relationship issues
Every relationship faces challenges. Having the willingness to work through those challenges together is crucial. If your partner refuses to acknowledge problems, go to counselling with you, or make any effort to improve the relationship, they’re showing they’re not invested enough to create lasting, positive change.
14. Fundamentally incompatible values
They want kids, you don’t. They’re deeply religious, you’re not. These core value differences often lead to friction down the line. While some differences can be bridged with compromise, fundamental mismatches around life goals, religious values, or ethical beliefs can make long-term compatibility nearly impossible.
15. Pressure to do things you’re not comfortable with
Whether it’s physical intimacy, risky behaviour, or things that go against your morals, no one should make you feel badgered into doing something you haven’t explicitly consented to. A good partner respects your limits and boundaries, period.
16. No support for your career or personal growth
Ideally, your partner is excited about your professional goals and dreams. They cheer you on, help brainstorm when you hit roadblocks, and understand when work commitments sometimes mean more on your plate. If instead they resent your ambition, get jealous of your time away, or want you to scale back for their comfort, that’s a sign they don’t truly respect you as an individual.
17. Just not feeling loved or cared for
Sometimes it’s a gut feeling. You can’t pinpoint one massive red flag, but on the whole, your partner makes you feel more lonely, depleted, and sad than they do happy and fulfilled. If you’ve expressed your needs and nothing shifts, it’s okay to acknowledge the relationship just isn’t meeting what you need long-term, regardless of love.
