While everyone has the right to their own spiritual beliefs, it’s not cool when they use their faith to manipulate people.
Religion can bring comfort, community, and a sense of purpose, but it can also be twisted by people who want power or control. Most of the time, it doesn’t happen in some big, obvious way. It finds its way in through certain words they use and guilt-trips that leave you second-guessing yourself. You walk away from conversations feeling uneasy, confused, or weirdly guilty, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
If there’s a believer in your life who seems to be using God or whatever holy book to control you or make you change who you are or what you stand for, that’s not okay. Recognise these red flags so you can protect yourself if it happens to you.
1. They claim exclusive access to God.
This manipulator positions themselves as the sole conduit to the divine. They assert that their interpretations or revelations are the only valid ones, dismissing other spiritual paths or perspectives. Exclusivity creates dependency, as followers believe they can’t connect with God without this person’s mediation. It’s a power play designed to elevate the manipulator’s status and control over other people’s spiritual lives.
2. They use fear as a motivator.
Fear becomes a primary tool for compliance. They constantly warn of divine punishment, hellfire, or impending doom for those who question or disobey. Of course, that keeps followers in a state of anxiety, making them more susceptible to manipulation. By playing on primal fears, they override rational thought and critical thinking, ensuring obedience through terror rather than genuine faith.
3. They demand unquestioning obedience.
Blind faith is touted as the highest virtue. Any form of questioning or doubt is branded as sinful or lacking in faith. As a result, it stifles critical thinking and personal growth, keeping followers in a state of perpetual spiritual infancy. It allows the manipulator to maintain control by discouraging independent thought or exploration of alternative viewpoints.
4. They isolate you from non-believers.
The manipulator encourages cutting ties with anyone who doesn’t share their beliefs. Family, friends, and even professional contacts who aren’t part of the religious group are painted as negative influences. This isolation technique creates an echo chamber, reinforcing the manipulator’s teachings and making it harder for followers to gain outside perspectives or support.
5. They rewrite your personal history.
Your past experiences are reframed to fit their narrative. Positive memories unrelated to their teachings are dismissed or reinterpreted as meaningless or sinful. Their revisionism serves to disconnect you from your own history and identity, making you more reliant on the group for a sense of self. It’s a subtle form of gaslighting that destroys your confidence in your own perceptions and memories.
6. They use guilt as a weapon.
Every perceived shortcoming or natural human emotion becomes a source of shame. They cultivate a perpetual sense of unworthiness, positioning their teachings or leadership as the only path to redemption. The constant guilt keeps followers in a cycle of seeking approval and forgiveness, giving the manipulator ongoing power over their emotional state and decision-making.
7. They have a financial agenda.
There’s an inordinate focus on monetary contributions or financial commitments. Donations are framed as spiritual obligations, with promises of blessings or divine favour in return. Financial transparency is often lacking, and questions about money are discouraged. Such a blatant exploitation of faith for financial gain is a clear sign that the leader’s motivations are more earthly than divine.
8. They twist scripture out of context.
Religious texts are cherry-picked and interpreted to support the manipulator’s agenda, often in ways that contradict the broader context or accepted interpretations. Their selective use of scripture allows them to justify any behaviour or demand, no matter how unethical, by cloaking it in religious authority. It’s a dangerous misuse of sacred texts that can lead followers astray.
9. They claim special revelations.
The manipulator frequently cites personal, divine revelations that conveniently align with their desires or plans. These supposed messages from God are used to override any objections or questions from followers. It’s a way of manufacturing unquestionable authority, as challenging these revelations is framed as challenging God Himself.
10. They encourage dependency.
Followers are discouraged from making decisions without consulting the leader or group. Even minor choices are framed as having major spiritual implications, necessitating guidance. Forced dependency infantilises followers, destroying their confidence and ability to trust their own judgment. It keeps them tethered to the manipulator for direction in all aspects of life.
11. They use love bombing and withdrawal.
New members or compliant followers are showered with attention and affection. However, this love is conditional and quickly withdrawn at any sign of questioning or noncompliance. That emotional manipulation creates an addictive cycle, with followers constantly seeking to regain approval through obedience. It’s a powerful technique for controlling behaviour and stifling dissent.
12. They have a persecution complex.
Any criticism or questioning of the group is framed as persecution or spiritual attack. Having a siege mentality creates an us-versus-them dynamic, further isolating followers and making them defensive against outside perspectives. It’s a clever way of inoculating the group against valid critiques and maintaining cohesion through a shared sense of victimhood.
13. They blur personal boundaries.
The manipulator intrudes into personal areas of followers’ lives, from relationships to career choices. Their overreach is justified as spiritual guidance or oversight. By eliminating privacy and personal autonomy, they gain undue influence over every aspect of their followers’ existence. It’s a gradual erosion of boundaries that can lead to complete control.
14. They enforce rigid gender roles.
Strict, often outdated gender norms are presented as divinely ordained. These roles typically reinforce the power structure of the group, often with male leaders holding authority over women. Gender-based control limits personal expression and growth, keeping followers confined to narrow, prescribed roles that serve the manipulator’s agenda.
15. They discourage professional help.
Seeking outside professional help, especially mental health support, is discouraged or forbidden. All problems are framed as spiritual issues that can only be resolved through the group’s methods. It’s a dangerous approach that can prevent followers from getting necessary medical or psychological care, keeping them dependent on the manipulator for all forms of healing and support.
16. They redefine common terms.
Words like love, faith, and obedience are given new, group-specific meanings that often contradict their common understanding. This is known as linguistic manipulation, and it creates a sort of insider language that reinforces group identity and makes it harder for followers to communicate effectively with outsiders. It’s a subtle but powerful way of controlling thought patterns and perceptions.
17. They demand public declarations of faith.
Followers are frequently required to make public professions of faith or loyalty. These performances serve multiple purposes: they commit the person more deeply to the group, provide social proof to other people, and allow the manipulator to identify any hesitation or resistance. It’s a form of ongoing loyalty test that makes it psychologically harder for followers to leave or dissent.
18. They use spiritual bypassing.
Complex personal or societal issues are oversimplified and attributed entirely to spiritual causes. It dismisses the real-world factors contributing to problems and promotes simplistic, often ineffective solutions. By focusing exclusively on the spiritual realm, manipulators can avoid addressing practical issues or taking responsibility for the real-world consequences of their teachings.
