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Getty Images/iStockphotoManipulative people use carefully chosen words to control, confuse, and exploit others.
Recognising these tactics is the first step in protecting yourself. Here’s a look at some calculated phrases that manipulative individuals often use. Remember, knowledge is power — the more aware you are of these tactics, the better equipped you’ll be to stand your ground.
1. “You’re overreacting.”
This phrase dismisses your feelings and makes you doubt your own perceptions. It’s a classic gaslighting technique used to make you feel like you’re the problem, not their behaviour.
2. “I’m just being honest.”
Often used to justify cruel or unnecessary comments, this phrase attempts to paint the speaker as virtuous while deflecting responsibility for the hurt they’ve caused.
3. “You’re too sensitive.”
Similar to “you’re overreacting,” this phrase invalidates your emotions and tries to make you feel guilty for having normal human reactions.
4. “If you really loved me, you would…”
This is emotional blackmail, pure and simple. It uses your affection as leverage to control your behaviour.
5. “I’m doing this for your own good.”
This phrase often precedes controlling or hurtful behaviour. It’s an attempt to paint their actions as benevolent, even when they’re harmful.
6. “You made me do it.”
This is a classic way to avoid taking responsibility for one’s actions. It shifts blame onto you, making you feel guilty for their behaviour.
7. “You’re lucky to have me.”
This phrase undermines your self-worth and implies that you should be grateful for their presence, no matter how they treat you.
8. “No one else will ever love you like I do.”
This is designed to create dependence and isolation. It suggests that you can’t do better, so you should accept whatever treatment you’re given.
9. “You always/never…”
These absolute statements are rarely true and are often used to create a sense of hopelessness or inadequacy.
10. “I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed.”
This phrase is often used to induce guilt and shame, especially by those in authority positions.
11. “You owe me.”
This creates a sense of indebtedness, implying that you’re obligated to do what they want because of past favours or actions.
12. “I’m just playing devil’s advocate.”
Often used to introduce hurtful or controversial ideas without taking responsibility for them.
13. “You’re being irrational.”
This dismisses your thoughts and feelings, implying that your perspective isn’t valid or worthy of consideration.
14. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
This is a non-apology that shifts blame onto you for feeling hurt, rather than taking responsibility for hurtful actions.
15. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
Another phrase used to invalidate your feelings and perceptions, making you doubt yourself.
16. “I’m just trying to help.”
This phrase can be used to justify intrusive or controlling behaviour under the guise of assistance.
17. “You’re crazy/psycho.”
A deeply hurtful phrase used to discredit you and your feelings, often when you’re calling out bad behaviour.
18. “You’re being selfish.”
Often used when you’re setting healthy boundaries, this phrase attempts to make you feel guilty for taking care of yourself.
19. “Don’t you trust me?”
This phrase puts you on the defensive, making you feel guilty for having legitimate concerns or doubts.
