No one says “I do” thinking that one day, they’ll be getting a divorce.
However, while divorce rates have come down slightly in England and Wales over the past few years, they still hover around 42% as of 2021, and that’s not exactly encouraging. While ending your marriage is no walk in the park, many people are often left with regrets on things they wish they would have done while still in their relationship. Here are some of the most common regrets they tend to have.
1. They wish they’d communicated more openly and honestly.
Many divorced couples regret not expressing their true feelings, concerns, and needs throughout their marriage. Open communication could have prevented misunderstandings and helped them resolve issues before they snowballed. Instead, they let things fester, and the gap between them became too wide to bridge.
2. They regret not addressing money problems head-on.
Money is one of the biggest sources of conflict in marriages, and many divorced couples often wish they had been more transparent about their financial situations, spending habits, and long-term goals.
3. They wish they’d maintained their individual identities.
Many realise they lost themselves in the relationship by neglecting personal hobbies, friendships, and interests. Maintaining individual identities while building a life together could have led to a more balanced and fulfilling partnership, preventing feelings of resentment or loss of self.
4. They regret not prioritising quality time together.
Because life gets so busy and hectic, many couples neglect to carve out dedicated time for each other. Regular date nights, planning fun outings together, or simply having more unplugged conversations could have helped maintain their connection and prevented them from drifting apart.
5. They wish they had been more appreciative of each other.
Taking a partner for granted is a common regret. Expressing gratitude for both big gestures and small acts of kindness could have created a more positive relationship as a whole and made both partners feel loved and respected.
6. They regret not addressing issues when they first cropped up.
Many divorced couples wish they had tackled problems head-on instead of sweeping them under the rug. Addressing concerns straight away, no matter how uncomfortable, could have prevented small issues from becoming insurmountable obstacles.
7. They wish they’d been more supportive of each other’s goals.
Supporting a partner’s aspirations and personal growth is crucial for a thriving relationship. Some divorced couples regret not encouraging each other’s dreams or, worse, actively holding them back due to insecurity or misplaced priorities.
8. They regret not learning to fight fair.
Constructive disagreement is a skill many wish they’d developed. Learning to argue without resorting to personal attacks, bringing up past mistakes, or using manipulative tactics could have led to more productive conflict resolution and stronger bonds.
9. They wish they’d got help earlier.
Many couples regret waiting too long to get some help for their relationship when problems arose. Whether through couples therapy, workshops, or even just some self-help, getting support early on could have provided valuable tools and perspectives to get through the tough times.
10. They regret not maintaining physical intimacy.
Physical connection often takes a back seat to other priorities, but many divorced couples wish they had made a conscious effort to maintain intimacy. Regular physical affection, not just sexual, can help sustain emotional closeness and partnership.
11. They wish they’d been more forgiving.
Holding grudges and refusing to let bygones be bygones can poison a relationship. Learning to forgive, while not forgetting, could have helped many couples to move forward and rebuild trust instead of letting resentment fester.
12. They regret not sharing household responsibilities more equally.
Uneven distribution of household chores and responsibilities often leads to resentment. Many wish they had established a fairer system for managing their shared life because they now recognise (too late, of course) that domestic work is a joint responsibility.
13. They wish they’d aligned their expectations about the future.
Misaligned expectations about career paths, having children, or lifestyle choices can create huge strain. Regular check-ins about long-term goals and dreams could have helped couples stay on the same page or identify incompatibilities earlier.
14. They regret not setting boundaries with extended family.
Interference from in-laws or other family members can strain a marriage. Establishing clear boundaries and presenting a united front could have protected the relationship from external pressures and drama.
15. They wish they’d paid more attention to their partner’s love language.
Understanding and catering to each other’s preferred ways of giving and receiving love could have strengthened their emotional connection. Many regret not making the effort to express affection in ways that truly resonated with their partner.
16. They regret not being more patient with each other.
Personal growth and change take time. Some couples wish they had been more patient and supportive during periods of individual struggle or transition, rather than allowing frustration to eat away at their bond.
17. They wish they’d maintained a sense of fun and adventure.
As responsibilities pile up, it’s easy to lose the playfulness that once characterised the relationship. Many divorced couples regret not making more effort to keep things light, fun, and adventurous, which could have helped them weather tougher times.
18. They regret not being more vulnerable with each other.
Opening up about fears, insecurities, and personal struggles can be daunting, but many wish they had shared these deeper parts of themselves. Vulnerability encourages intimacy and understanding, creating a stronger emotional foundation.
19. They wish they’d focused less on material possessions.
Some couples regret prioritising financial success and material acquisitions over emotional investment in their relationship. Balancing ambition with nurturing their partnership could have led to a more fulfilling shared life.
20. They regret not celebrating each other’s successes more.
Being a cheerleader for your partner’s achievements, big and small, can significantly boost relationship satisfaction. Many divorced couples wish they had made more effort to acknowledge and celebrate each other’s wins, which would have created a much more supportive and encouraging dynamic.
