We all have that one friend who always seems to have an opinion on everything, loves the sound of their own voice a little too much, and just generally makes you want to roll your eyes.
Of course, you wouldn’t say these things to their face (well, most of them anyway), but hey, a little harmless venting never hurt anyone, right? Here are some things you probably wish you could say to them.
1. “Did you buy your entire personality at a used car dealership?”
Source: Unsplash It’s like their quirks and mannerisms are all pre-owned and slightly damaged, but they’re still trying to pass them off as brand new and high-quality. It’s a bit of a mystery how they managed to assemble such a collection of off-putting traits.
2. “Do you ever get tired of hearing yourself talk?”
Seriously, do they ever take a breath? They seem to have an endless supply of opinions, anecdotes, and random trivia. It’s almost impressive, in a very exhausting kind of way.
3. “Is your middle name ‘Captain Obvious’?”
They have a knack for stating the obvious, like pointing out that the sky is blue or that water is wet. It’s almost as if they think we’re all living under a rock and need constant reminders of basic facts.
4. “Are you aware that other people exist?”
Sometimes it seems like they’re oblivious to the fact that there are other humans in the room. They’ll interrupt, talk over people, and generally dominate the conversation without a second thought.
5. “Do you have a volume control button? Asking for a friend.”
Their voice seems to have two settings: loud and louder. Whether they’re excited, angry, or just plain chatty, they always seem to be at max volume, leaving everyone else’s eardrums begging for mercy.
6. “Have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe, you’re not always right?”
They’re convinced they’re the ultimate authority on everything, from politics to pop culture. It’s as if they’ve never encountered the concept of different opinions or perspectives.
7. “Did you miss the memo on personal space?”
They have a way of getting up in your grill, whether it’s leaning in too close during a conversation or invading your personal bubble in other ways. It’s enough to make you want to back away slowly.
8. “Do you realise that humblebragging is still bragging?”
They’re masters of the humblebrag, disguising their self-promotion as self-deprecation. It’s like a subtle art form, but it’s still incredibly annoying.
9. “Did you accidentally swallow a thesaurus?”
They love to use big words and complex sentences, even when a simple phrase would do. It’s like they’re trying to prove their intelligence, but it just comes across as pretentious.
10. “Have you ever heard of the phrase ‘less is more’?”
They tend to go overboard with everything, from their outfits to their stories. It’s like they can’t resist adding just one more accessory or embellishing their tales with unnecessary details.
11. “Are you auditioning for a one-person talk show? Because I didn’t get the casting call.”
It’s like they’re constantly interviewing themselves, asking and answering their own questions without pausing for anyone else’s input. Maybe they should start a podcast, so the rest of us can have a break.
12. “Do you ever get tired of being the centre of attention? (Asking for myself.)”
Source: Unsplash Everything is always about them. Their stories, their achievements, their opinions… it’s exhausting trying to keep up with their self-proclaimed awesomeness. A little humility wouldn’t hurt.
13. “Is your ego inflatable? Because it seems to be expanding rapidly.”
They have an inflated sense of self-importance that’s simply baffling. It’s like they genuinely believe they’re the main character in everyone’s lives, even though most people are probably just politely tolerating them.
14. “Have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe, you’re not the most interesting person in the world?”
Source: Pexels They’re under the impression that their every thought and experience is fascinating, but honestly, it’s mostly just mundane and repetitive. It’s like watching a reality TV show that’s been on for too many seasons.
15. “Do you think your hot takes are actually just lukewarm opinions?”
Source: Unsplash They always have something controversial to say, but their “hot takes” are usually just recycled opinions they heard on social media. It’s like they’re trying to be edgy, but they just end up sounding uninformed.
16. “Have you ever tried listening more than you speak? It’s surprisingly refreshing.”
They’re all about talking, but they rarely seem to listen. It’s like their ears are just decorative accessories, not actual tools for communication. Maybe if they tried listening for once, they might actually learn something new.
17. “Do you have a filter? Because it seems to be permanently switched off.”
They say whatever pops into their head, regardless of whether it’s appropriate, offensive, or just plain weird. It’s like they’re constantly pushing the boundaries of social acceptability, and not in a good way.
18. “Is there an off switch for your know-it-all mode?”
They always have the answer, even when no one asked the question. It’s like they’re trying to prove their superiority, but it just comes across as condescending and irritating.
19. “Do you realise that interrupting people is the conversational equivalent of a slap in the face?”
They have a habit of cutting people off mid-sentence, as if their thoughts are somehow more important than anyone else’s. It’s rude, disrespectful, and makes them look like a total jerk.
20. “Have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe, people are laughing at you, not with you?”
Source: Unsplash They think they’re hilarious, but their jokes often fall flat or come across as insensitive. It’s like they’re trying too hard to be funny, and it just ends up being awkward for everyone involved.
21. “Do you think your name-dropping makes you sound cool? Because it doesn’t.”
Source: Unsplash They love to casually mention their famous acquaintances or exclusive experiences, but it just comes across as desperate and insecure. It’s like they’re trying to validate their own worth through their association with other people.
22. “Have you ever considered the possibility that you might be the problem?”
Source: Unsplash They always seem to blame other people for their problems, but maybe it’s time for some self-reflection. Perhaps their obnoxious behaviour is the reason why they struggle to maintain friendships or have trouble fitting in.
