Marriage is a two-way street, but sometimes you really do need to take a hard look in the mirror.
It’s easy to point fingers when things fall apart, but it does take two to tango, as they say. If you’re wondering why your marriage crumbled, it might be time for some honest self-reflection. Here are some signs that you may have played a bigger role in the breakdown than you’d like to admit.
1. You prioritised everything else over your relationship.
Work, kids, hobbies — they’re all important, but did they always come before your partner? If you always put other aspects of your life ahead of your marriage, you may have inadvertently sent the message that your relationship wasn’t a priority.
2. You stopped making an effort with your appearance.
Remember when you used to dress up for date nights? If you were always in pyjamas or ratty old clothes around your spouse, they probably thought that you stopped caring about impressing them. It’s important to be comfortable, of course, but completely letting yourself go can make your partner feel unappreciated and unimportant.
3. You were constantly critical of your partner.
Did every little thing your spouse did irritate you? If you constantly nitpicked the things they did, from how they loaded the dishwasher to how they parented, you may have created a negative atmosphere in your home. Constant criticism can wear down even the most patient person, so it’s no wonder you got divorced.
4. You refused to compromise.
Marriage involves give and take, but maybe you were doing a whole lot more taking than you should have been. If you insisted on having your way in every decision, from holiday destinations to what to have for dinner, you may have made your partner feel unheard and unvalued.
5. You kept score of who did what.
“I did the dishes last time, it’s your turn!” If this sounds familiar, you might have turned your marriage into a competition. Keeping a mental tally of chores, favours, or who apologised last can create resentment. You’re both in the relationship, so you should both be contributing — simple as that.
6. You stopped showing affection.
When was the last time you held hands, cuddled on the sofa, or kissed your partner goodbye before getting divorced? Physical affection is vital for maintaining intimacy. If you withdrew physically, whether due to stress, resentment, or simply habit, you may have left your partner feeling unloved and disconnected.
7. You made major decisions without considering or consulting your spouse.
Did you change jobs, make a large purchase, or decide to move house without discussing it with your partner? Unilateral decision-making in a marriage can leave your spouse feeling sidelined and unimportant. Partnership involves making big choices together. Otherwise, what’s the point?
8. You stopped listening to your partner.
Were you always on your phone when your spouse was talking? Did you tune out during conversations? Active listening is a must for maintaining connection. If you stopped really hearing your partner, it’s no wonder the relationship failed.
9. You let yourself become boring.
Did you stop pursuing hobbies, learning new things, or having interesting experiences? Routine can be comforting, I know, but becoming stagnant can make a relationship feel dull. If you stopped growing as a person, you may have inadvertently made your marriage feel stale.
10. You avoided conflict at all costs, even when it was necessary.
Disagreements and arguments aren’t pleasant, but unfortunately, they’re necessary for growth. If you swept issues under the rug to avoid arguments, you may have allowed resentment to build up over time. Healthy relationships involve addressing problems head-on, not pretending they don’t exist.
11. You stopped appreciating them and started taking them for granted.
When was the last time you genuinely thanked your partner for something they did during your marriage? Taking your spouse for granted and failing to acknowledge the things they bring to the table can make them feel unappreciated, and who wants to be with someone like that?
12. You shared intimate details of your marriage with other people.
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“Why can’t you be more like Sarah’s husband?” Comparisons are rarely helpful and often hurtful. If you frequently held up other people (particularly your exes, or your friends’ partners) as examples of what your partner should be, you likely made them feel inadequate and resentful.
14. You stopped being your partner’s cheerleader.
Did you roll your eyes at your spouse’s dreams or belittle their achievements? A partner should be your biggest supporter. If you stopped encouraging your spouse’s goals or celebrating their successes, you’ll have dampened their spirit and drive.
15. You let external stress affect your relationship.
Work stress, financial worries, family issues — did you let these external factors poison your marriage? While life can be tough at times, taking out your frustrations on your partner or letting outside stress dominate your relationship can be destructive.
16. You stopped being honest about your feelings.
Emotional honesty is a must for intimacy. If you stopped sharing your true feelings, whether to avoid getting in a fight or because you felt disconnected, you may have created an emotional chasm in your relationship, and it’s one that obviously couldn’t be crossed.
