Maybe your parents are pretty great, but they probably have certain traits that you’d rather not inherit.
If some of their behaviours or tendencies have caused serious harm in your life or their own, it makes sense that you’d want to avoid them at all costs. The good news is that you’re not destined to become just like them — you can skip out on their bad qualities by doing these things.
1. Identify the specific behaviours you want to avoid.
Source: Unsplash Be honest with yourself about which parental traits you don’t want to emulate. Is it their communication style, financial habits, or approach to relationships? Pinpointing these behaviours is the first step in avoiding them. Consider making a list to help clarify your thoughts and goals.
2. Reflect on the root causes of these behaviours.
Try to understand why your parents act the way they do. Often, behaviours are rooted in their own upbringing or past experiences. Understanding doesn’t mean excusing, but it can help you address similar impulses in yourself. Having this insight can be vital in breaking generational patterns.
3. Develop self-awareness through journaling or therapy.
Regular self-reflection can help you catch yourself when you’re slipping into unwanted patterns. Consider keeping a journal or speaking with a therapist to gain insights into your thoughts and behaviours. Doing these things can also help you track your progress over time.
4. Actively work on your communication skills.
If you’ve grown up with poor communication models, make a conscious effort to improve. Practise active listening, express yourself clearly, and learn to manage conflicts constructively. Consider taking a course or reading books on effective communication to further improve your skills.
5. Expose yourself to different perspectives and lifestyles.
Broadening your horizons can help you see alternatives to your parents’ way of life. Travel, read widely, and cultivate diverse friendships to expand your worldview. A bit of exposure can help you make more informed choices about how you want to live your life.
6. Set clear boundaries with your parents.
It’s okay to love your parents while still maintaining healthy boundaries. Learn to say no when necessary and establish your own space, physically and emotionally. Remember that setting boundaries is an act of self-respect, not disrespect towards your parents.
7. Educate yourself on healthier habits and practices.
If your parents modelled unhealthy behaviours, do some research on better alternatives. Whether it’s about relationships, finance, or health, there are plenty of resources available to help you learn. Consider talking to a therapist or joining support groups relevant to the areas you’re working on.
8. Surround yourself with positive role models.
Source: Unsplash Look for mentors or friends who embody the traits you admire. Observing and learning from them can help you develop new, healthier patterns of behaviour. Don’t be afraid to ask these people for advice or guidance when you need it.
9. Practise mindfulness in your daily life.
Being present and aware can help you catch yourself before automatically falling into learned behaviours. Mindfulness techniques can give you the pause you need to choose your actions consciously. Even a few minutes of mindfulness practice each day can make a significant difference over time.
10. Work on healing past hurts.
Unresolved issues from your childhood can influence your adult behaviour. Consider counselling or therapy to work through any lingering pain or resentment that might be shaping your actions. Remember, healing is a process, so be patient with yourself.
11. Embrace change and personal growth.
Source: Unsplash Be open to evolving and changing throughout your life. Unlike your parents, you have access to a wealth of information and resources. Use them to continually improve yourself. Growth often involves discomfort, but it’s worth it in the long run.
12. Practise forgiveness, but don’t forget.
Clinging to anger towards your parents can ironically make you more like them. Learn to forgive, but remember the lessons so you can make different choices. Forgiveness is more about freeing yourself than absolving other people.
13. Cultivate your own interests and passions.
Develop hobbies and pursuits that are uniquely yours. This helps establish your own identity separate from your parents and can be a source of joy and fulfilment. Don’t be afraid to explore new interests, even if they’re different from what your family typically enjoys.
14. Remember, some similarities are okay.
Lastly, remember that it’s natural and okay to share some traits with your parents. The goal isn’t to be their complete opposite, but to consciously choose which aspects of their behaviour to adopt or avoid. Focus on retaining the positive traits while working on the ones you want to change.
