How To Know If You’re Outgrowing A Friendship

Remember that friend you used to tell everything to? If hanging out now feels like a chore, the laughter’s gone, and you keep things to yourself, don’t freak out. Friendships change, and sometimes, you might grow apart. Here’s how to know if that once-special bond has simply run its course.

1. You dread spending time with them.

Friendships should energize you, not drain you. If hanging out with this person feels more like an obligation than a fun way to spend your time, it’s a tell-tale sign something has shifted. Dreading meetups, finding excuses to cancel, or feeling relieved when plans fall through are red flags that the relationship isn’t as enjoyable as it once was.

2. Conversations feel forced or superficial.

Remember those late-night talks where you’d share everything? If your conversations have become limited to small talk about the weather, or you find yourself struggling to find something to say, that connection you once had might be fading. Effortless conversation is a sign of a strong friendship; forced interactions point to a bit of a disconnect.

3. You no longer feel like you can be yourself around them.

Good friends accept you, quirks and all. But if you’re censoring yourself, hiding parts of your personality, or feeling like you have to put on a ‘performance’ around this person, it’s a sign you can’t fully relax and be authentic with them. Feeling judged or misunderstood erodes trust and makes the friendship feel less safe.

4. You don’t share common interests or passions anymore.

Shared interests and activities are the glue that often bonds friendships together. However, if you’ve changed what you like to do, and now those activities leave you feeling bored, those shifts can create distance in the friendship. If you no longer connect even over small things, it signals a wider disconnect.

5. They put you down more often than they lift you up.

Good friends cheer you on and celebrate your wins. However, a friend who constantly criticizes, makes subtle digs, or seems envious of your successes can drain your energy and chip away at your self-esteem. Real friends want the best for you, so if they make you feel small instead of supported, it’s definitely a red flag.

6. You’re no longer growing together.

We all evolve over time. While it’s natural for friendships to go through changes, if you feel you’ve outgrown your friend (or vice versa), it might be time for different paths. If your conversations become arguments over incompatible values, or you no longer admire their choices, the friendship might not have room for the person you’re becoming.

7. You find yourself keeping secrets from them.

A good friendship creates a safe space to share your life–the good, the bad, and the embarrassing. But if you’re strategically hiding major updates about your career, relationship, or personal struggles out of fear of judgment or unwanted advice, it’s a sign that you don’t fully trust their reactions or support anymore.

8. They drain your energy instead of replenishing it.

Good friends leave you feeling energized and uplifted. But if after hanging out with this person you feel exhausted, emotionally drained, or even anxious, pay attention! Friendships should be a source of positivity, not stress. Chronic negativity can have a ripple effect on your own well-being.

9. The friendship feels one-sided.

Healthy friendships have a balance of give and take. But if you constantly find yourself being the listener, the shoulder to cry on, or the one making all the plans without reciprocation, it can start to feel draining. A true friend shows up for you just as much as you do for them.

10. You don’t feel excited about sharing good news with them.

Got a promotion? Started dating someone amazing? Your true friends will be the first ones you want to tell. But if you find yourself hesitating to share good news because you’re afraid of their reaction or comparison, it signals a lack of unconditional support in the friendship.

11. You envy their life more than admire it.

A little friendly competition can be motivating, but if you constantly find yourself comparing your life to theirs and feeling inadequate, it’s a red flag. Social media can exacerbate this! Friendships should inspire you, not make you feel envious or resentful.

12. They disrespect your boundaries or make you feel uncomfortable.

True friends respect your time, emotional limits, and personal choices. But if they constantly pressure you to do things you don’t want to, ignore your need for space, or make you feel uncomfortable, it’s a sign they don’t prioritize your needs.

13. You find yourself making excuses for their behavior.

Do you downplay their actions to others (“Oh, that’s just how they are!”) or even to yourself? If you constantly justify hurtful behaviors with excuses instead of acknowledging how it makes you feel, it might be time for an honest reassessment of the friendship.

14. Your gut feeling tells you something is off.

Intuition is powerful! Sometimes, you can’t pinpoint exactly why a friendship feels wrong, but deep down you just know. If your instincts are telling you something has shifted for the worse, trust them. Outgrowing friendships is normal, and sometimes the healthiest option is to accept the change rather than force something that no longer fits.