Being used doesn’t always come in the form of someone taking money or asking for favours.
It can be far more subtle: the friend who only calls when they need a favour, the partner who expects your support but never offers theirs, or the colleague who leans on you to make them look good. It often starts small, but before long, you realise the relationship feels one-sided and strangely exhausting.
People who use others are skilled at making their behaviour seem normal or even flattering. They might disguise manipulation as affection, or obligation as loyalty. But the signs are there if you know where to look. Once you recognise these subtle behaviours, it becomes much easier to protect your time, energy, and peace of mind from those who only take without ever truly giving back.
1. They only reach out when they need something.
A true friend is there for you through thick and thin, not just when they need a favour. If someone only reaches out when they want something, whether it’s a ride, a loan, or help with a project, that’s a major red flag. They might disappear for weeks or months, only to turn up again with a sob story that only you can help them with. It’s like they’re keeping you on the back burner, only to turn up the heat when it suits them. They’re clearly not interested in you or your life!
2. They never offer to reciprocate.
Relationships should be a two-way street, with both people giving and taking as close to equally as possible. If someone consistently takes from you without ever offering anything in return, it’s a sign they’re not truly invested in the relationship. They might expect you to always be there for them, but they rarely (if ever) return the gesture. This imbalance ends up leaving you feeling drained and unappreciated. If there’s no reciprocity, it’s not a relationship worth continuing.
3. They dismiss your feelings and concerns.
When someone truly cares about you, they’ll take your feelings and problems seriously. If they consistently brush them off, it’s a sign they’re not valuing you as a person. They might accuse you of being “too sensitive” or “overreacting,” making you feel like your emotions aren’t valid. It’s incredibly dismissive, and it can really do a number on your self-esteem if it happens enough times. Surround yourself with people who actually care how you are and who don’t write off your concerns as no big deal.
4. They always expect you to adapt to their schedule.
In any relationship, there should be a balance of compromise and flexibility. However, if someone always expects you to adjust your plans to fit their schedule without considering your needs or preferences, that’s a red flag. Maybe they cancel plans at the last minute, change the time or location of a meeting without warning, or expect you to drop everything to accommodate them. Whatever the case, this shows a lack of respect for your time and a sense of entitlement. It’s important to establish healthy boundaries and ensure that your needs are being met as well.
5. They’re always asking for favours, but rarely return them.
We all need help from time to time, and asking for favours is perfectly normal, but if someone’s always asking you for stuff without ever offering to help you in return, that’s a sign they’re taking advantage of your generosity. They might see you as a convenient resource rather than a true friend. This one-sided dynamic can be exhausting and resentment-inducing, so make sure you set boundaries and ensure that your kindness isn’t being exploited.
6. They make you feel guilty for saying “no.”
Healthy relationships allow for both people to express their needs and boundaries. If someone makes you feel guilty or ashamed for saying “no” to their requests or demands, they don’t deserve to be in your life. They might try to manipulate you by playing the victim, accusing you of being selfish, or making you feel like you owe them something, but don’t fall for it. You’re allowed to say “no” without feeling guilt. After all, your needs are just as important as theirs!
7. They talk about themselves constantly.
It’s natural to share your experiences and thoughts with people, but there’s a difference between healthy self-expression and narcissistic self-absorption. If someone constantly dominates conversations, talks about themselves incessantly, and never shows interest in your life, it’s a sign they’re more interested in themselves than in building a real relationship with you. This self-centredness can be draining and leave you feeling unheard and unvalued, so cut them out ASAP.
8. They take credit for your ideas or accomplishments.
Have you ever shared an idea or accomplishment with someone, only to have them later claim it as their own? This behaviour is incredibly frustrating and disrespectful. It shows a lack of integrity and a disregard for your contributions. It can also be demoralising and make you feel like your work or ideas aren’t being recognised or appreciated. It’s important to stand up for yourself and ensure that you receive proper credit for your efforts.
9. They are always borrowing money or belongings.
It’s one thing to borrow a cup of sugar from your neighbour, but it’s another thing entirely to constantly borrow money or belongings without ever returning them or reciprocating in any way. If someone is always hitting you up for cash, clothes, or other items, they’re clearly taking advantage of your generosity. They probably make excuses for why they can’t pay you back or return your belongings, or they might avoid the topic altogether, hoping you’ll forget about it in the end. This shows a serious lack of respect that you shouldn’t put up with!
10. They disappear when you need them most.
True friends are there for you through thick and thin, offering support and a listening ear when you need it most. If someone consistently disappears when you’re going through a tough time or facing a challenge, it’s a sign they might not be a true friend. They might make excuses for why they can’t be there for you, or they might simply ignore your calls and messages. It’s incredibly hurtful and make you feel isolated and alone. Surround yourself with people who are genuinely invested in your well-being and who will be there for you when you need them most.
