It’s scary when you and your partner have always been close, but all of a sudden, they’re drifting away.
It’s natural to want to cling tighter, but that’s just going to make things worse. Depending on what’s happening behind the scenes to cause this change in your dynamic, one or more of these methods could help your relationship get back where it once was.
1. Give them some space.
It might seem counterintuitive, but sometimes people need a bit of breathing room. Don’t bombard them with messages or demands for attention. A little space can help them miss you. Obviously, this doesn’t mean completely disappearing; just dial back the intensity and let them come to you when they’re ready.
2. Focus on yourself.
Use this time to reconnect with your own interests and friends. When you’re happy and fulfilled independently, you’re more attractive to your partner. Not only that, but if for some reason the relationship doesn’t pan out, you won’t feel lost and like you don’t know who you are.
3. Communicate openly and honestly, but don’t interrogate.
Let them know you’ve noticed a change, and you’re there to talk if they want to, but don’t pressure them into a heavy conversation if they’re not ready. When you do talk, use “I” statements to express your feelings without blaming or accusing.
4. Bring back the fun.
Plan to do fun things together. Sometimes relationships become all about responsibilities, and the fun gets lost. Remind them why they fell for you in the first place. Try to recreate some of your early dating experiences or inside jokes to rekindle that initial spark.
5. Show a bit more appreciation.
Sometimes people pull away when they feel unappreciated. Make an effort to notice and thank them for the things they do, big and small, and be specific in your praise. Don’t just say a generic “thanks” — let them know how much you appreciated them making dinner when you had to work late last night because it made your evening less stressful, for example.
6. Be patient.
Pulling away doesn’t always mean the end. Your partner might be going through something personal, so give them time to work through it. Remember that healing and growth aren’t linear processes; there might be good days and bad days.
7. Avoid being needy or clingy.
Of course you’d love a bit of reassurance when you’re feeling insecure, but sniffing around for it can be off-putting. Try to manage your anxiety without putting it all on your partner. Consider talking to a friend or therapist about your feelings to get more support and encouragement as well.
8. Maintain your independence.
Don’t drop everything for them. Keep up with your own life, hobbies, and friends because it shows you’re secure and interesting on your own. It also gives you both something to talk about when you’re together, which can help keep the relationship fresh.
9. Be reliable.
If you make plans or promises, stick to them. Showing that you’re dependable can help rebuild trust if it’s been shaken. Consistency in your actions speaks louder than words and can provide a sense of security in the relationship.
10. Try something new together.
If you’re stuck in a routine in your relationship, you have to shake things up a bit sometimes. Try a new restaurant, take a class together, or plan a weekend trip somewhere you’ve never been. This can actually reignite the spark if it’s died out because you get to see all new sides to each other.
11. Give them genuine compliments.
Not just about their appearance, but about their character, accomplishments, or the things that make them unique. Show that you see and appreciate who they are. Pay attention to the little things they do and acknowledge the efforts they make, even if they seem like they’re no big deal.
12. Don’t play games.
Trying to make them jealous or giving them the silent treatment usually backfires. Be mature and straightforward in your approach. Honesty and directness can help clear the air if there’s been tension or misunderstanding.
13. Listen more than you speak.
When they do open up, really listen. Don’t interrupt or immediately try to fix things. Sometimes people just need to feel heard. Practise active listening by repeating back what you’ve heard to ensure you’ve understood correctly.
14. Reflect on your behaviour.
Consider if you’ve done anything to contribute to the distance. Be honest with yourself and willing to make changes if needed. Self-awareness and the ability to admit mistakes can go a long way in rebuilding connection.
15. Surprise them with thoughtful gestures.
Small, meaningful acts can speak volumes. It could be as simple as bringing home their favourite treat or taking care of a chore they usually do. The key is to show that you’re thinking of them and their happiness, not just when it’s convenient for you.
16. Respect their boundaries.
If they ask for space or time, respect that. Pushing against their boundaries will likely push them further away. Show that you can be trusted to honour their needs, even when it’s tough for you.
17. Stay positive.
A constantly negative or anxious attitude can be draining. Try to stay positive, even if you’re worried about the relationship. Focus on the good aspects of your life and relationship, and try to approach challenges with a problem-solving mindset.
18. Consider relationship counselling.
If the distance is becoming too much, and you can’t seem to bridge it on your own, couples counselling could help. It shows you’re committed to making things work. Plus, someone who’s completely neutral can give you some insights into your relationship that you wouldn’t have had on your own. It’s definitely worth a try!
